The self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.

I'm 35, I love myself and I still love you too. Happy birthday from Italy to me myself and I.

What's the use of worrying? It never was worthwhile.

October 25, 2013, 07:17

I love the crowd, i love being around with people, I love how I can be around the hustle and bustle of the city and yet retreat myself in that little corner of my own looking at everything pass thru me. People watching, taking my own sweet time, which is the luxury I won't have back home, but perhaps i do have them, but it's the classical case of taking everything for granted once you are back home. Live in life as usual, nothing changes, then you complain, good old cliche. I even like parties, it's just that I don't participate much, not that I can't just that I chose not to.

Just because this isn't in your life plan doesn't mean this isn't exactly where you're supposed to be.

October 25, 2013, 07:16

I try to share less and create lesser experience together with you, coz I know if I do that it will be harder for me to let go, but I guess in the end, seven years are not exactly a short time and we have in a way build some experiences & memories that both you and I will not forget, esp this, esp now! Together.

But honestly, in retrospect, would I want everything to be not like this, my answer would be no, if I get to do is all over again, I would still want you to be my friend, just in a different kind of way. I love you no matter what, you should know that and you should really know that by now.

We read frequently if unknowingly, in quest of a mind more original than our own.

25 October day 10

I woke up couple of times last night, don't know if it's because I'm too excited tomorrow or for some other reason. Whenever it is, it doesn't bother me though, I got up at 5.30am only to find a few message on my cell bearing birthday wishes. The thing about different timezone is that, while you still asleep at this side of the planet, your friends n family on the other side already up and running, no wonder my friend always torn into two whenever he is back for vacation, unbearably facing the time difference, now I feel it.

I prepared myself, all pack up and dressed getting ready for another day early, I walk down the bus station at five past six and the bus arrived at Firenze SMN at ten to seven. I have about one hour to kill which is what i intended, no rush, no hurry, get everything ready, just need to go.

On the bus to the train station this morning, i encounter my first ticket check, it really happened, there's this guy without ticket. It puzzles me on how exactly this system works, not to say this is a wrong system but there's quite many loophole that people can bypass, like if I'm a tourist I can always pretend that I didn't know about the validation, if a local get caught there will be this long winded argument of some sort giving reason etc as what happened on the bus just now, I saw that young fella trying to defend himself for sure, I didn't know in the end what happen, maybe he got a way with it, maybe he got a fine ticket,  anyhow this is still a system that intrigues me.

So now here I am, having my yogurt and my first cappuccino of the day. Really glad I won this iPad mini, it makes my journey richer and more exciting, here I am typing and tracking daily Italy doings.

I think this time back to Milan will be so much more relax, my friend should've tagged along with me as he just bored to death at his brother's place, but I hope he will have fun this weekend with him, being away for long time and all.

Anyway, one more hour to departure, won't be long now, later!


I arrived at Milan central station at 9.46am, a 6 min delay and I actually pass by my friend and gave him a surprise hug, I'm happy he was there to greet me. Then what comes next is just a walk around town, not much, just getting lunch at a pizza place and went with him to book his ticket, ended up I even getting on the same plane as he is. We didn't really do much today, so after we settle it all, we hop on a train and head back to hotel. Then for dinner, we just went to the nearby Carrefour express to get some salami, bread, yogurt, banana, cheese as our dinner, sometimes I'm really easy when it comes to things like that, not too picky or fussy, although I have to admit I do have my own preferences but depending on the situation I can adjust accordingly.

I guess all and all, the trip back to Milan is really just to spend more time with him and to celebrate my birthday with him in this way that I will never ever forget. I'm so glad I did this.

For tomorrow I already know it's his day with his brother, so I'll just go around Milan on my own to further explore its beauty by myself, then in a few days my Italy trip will come to an end, I hope this trip is very worthwhile.

Whatever is reasonable is true, and whatever is true is reasonable.

24 October 2013 day 9

I started the day early at 6, manage to sleep quite well. Today will be heading to Siena. It was raining so heavily after I arrive at the station early, done with all my ticket purchasing, was in real luck coz I didn't change the departure date and almost got my Milan ticket wrong, I quickly went to the counter and have a fix, after that my usual breakfast - mcd it is, what else, ha! Today is the heaviest rain I'm getting by far during my trip and it only happens during my ninth day, I'm so lucky.

SMS my friend and confirm on my arrival in Milan plus he will be there at the train station to pick me up, I just hope that he won't send me off, because he will be busy with his brother anyway plus I can't stand another crying emotional moment to be frank. The train to Siena was delay a little due to rain for about 20min or so, luckily a bunch of gentlemen in nice business suit were kind enough to translate that to me, it won't be too long now before I reach there. Let see how it goes later.

I arrived at Siena station at 10am, which is not so bad really, then as usual I tried to figure out how to get to the center, shoot some pix here and there as marker. Then I saw a sign that directed me to take the bus to the city center, I followed it after a couple of rounds only to realize that I ended up the same place I started, so without anymore waiting, I purchased a local bus tickets plus two maps, coz I think the previous person didn't take the map, or else I could've saved my two euro. So then after all that at the bus stop I saw a same guy that was there before so I approached him and ask for direction, he agreed for me to tag along because he is going the same way. He speaks a little English but he was kind enough to refer to the map and tell me that Siena is a small place and quite easy to get around.

I arrived at the center after 15min, I say thank you to him once more and kick off Siena with a map. After only two minute walking I already saw this nice big church and taking photos. Then after I look around for a bit I can see sign directing tourists which way to go to most of the tourist attractions, which makes it really easy. That's actually like a tourist walk or route, which makes Siena a much more tourist friendly region plus you don't see too many black fella selling goods to tourist too, so that's a good sign.

Siena is a very quiet and hilly place, so I start to follow the sign and visit all those mentioned on the map one by one, well at least the important one. I have to say I'll make one lousy tourist because I don't follow the map at all and just care more about how to get back where I came from later coz I'm afraid I might get lost. Nonetheless, as I mentioned, I did visit couple of hot spots on the map, well it's impossible to see it all, I don't think, but at least to me I covered enough for myself, that should do. I have to say the weather has been real kind to me, coz earlier on the train it rained like crazy but after I arrived at Siena, it has stopped and even have a bit of sun.

So as a useless tourist, I wrap up Siena by 1.30pm, eager to get to the bus station so i won't miss the train, there I bumped into a nice nurse who is actually heading the same way, again she speaks little English but she is very helpful. The thing with travel to foreign country is that you always feel so much warmer knowing that people genuinely want to help even though they don't speak your language plus also she wishes me have a good trip at the end of it, which I totally don't understand in italian, but I can instantly tell that's what she was saying and that felt so nice.

So with some much time in my hand, I decided to walk into the shopping mall right across the station and look for lunch. I ended up do a little shopping in the supermarket, gotten myself a salad, fruit salad, yogurt, fruit juice and a sandwich. it's not that I don't want to try out or spend money on the local delicacies which Im sure it's very nice, it's just that again as a sucky traveller, it doesn't bother me much if I don't, unless I have the right company to try it with, I guess.

Sitting here in the park outside, enjoying my light lunch and thinking italy will soon be over for me, once I get home is it another chapter starting for my life? But my guesses are it won't be so much different as what I have been doing all this while. I will still keep on working hard, keeping in touch with close friends and won't let those nasty people that should not be bothering my life bother me, I guess in the end no matter what I believe, things all happen for a reason, for whatever it is better or worse, maybe I've been cheated for money, maybe it's something I trapped myself with in a past relationship, maybe it's a new relationship that will never come, maybe it's the communication struggle with my sister, maybe my relationship with my brother keeps getting better and better, because really no matter what it is, at the end of the day, my fundamental self will never change and all these things shape me into who I really am now. I will still be that unassertive person, always mitigative at some point being too polite and causing being told as fake, but this is who I am and nothing in the world, no one in the world will understand what going on inside of me, let alone to change me.

Today is my last day in Florence and i concluded I had a good time so far. The journey continue on, let's see later where it's gonna take me. The host is nice enough to return back my money fully, so the money I gotten back ill use it to buy ticket to Milan so all and all, I'm spending the same as it is for this trip.

I reach Firenze SMN at almost 5pm, then I actually saw a dome from the other side of the train, so after I get off from the station I decided to just walk to the dome afraid that it might be something I missed. What is so random about not sticking to certain route is that surprises always pop out of nowhere. Here I a, looking for days those black n white four frame photo booth and what do I know, I actually pass by one when I walking towards that dome, ha! Of course then I seize the chance and took two bnw pix and now that will be my italian souvenir.

I continue my walk and found that dome which I did actually visit together with a stretch of night market that again I have seen before. In fact I bought my bag here. The thing is I just keep on coming back to Florence center for some reasons, I have been here for four days and almost every evening I'm am here at the square looking for something, eating something, people looking, taking photo, I can't get enough of it. As for this evening, it's exactly the same thing, someone I reach back the cathedral, i found a place to sit down and have my ham cheese sandwich that I bought earlier, sitting there eating it slowly with my beer, and having a cigarette, then suddenly the bell started to ring, that's when you realise these are the time when religion somehow get into you and it just brings such great calm and make me sort of wonder, if I live here in Italy for the rest of my life, will I then be a religious person, which it makes sense to be so.

Finally after enough of sitting, again it's time to head home for some packing, pretty excited about Milan tomorrow coz I get to see my friend again. At 8something, he texted, so we skype for a while and tell him about my day, eh complaint he didn't get enough alone time, but how much alone time is enough, I wonder. I know deep down, somehow, somewhere, someway, eventually something will happen. But for now we just have to wait and see, plus I decided to give him that Outliers book as a gift. So we'll see then.

Wait until it is night before saying that it has been a fine day.

October 23 2013. 19:36

You are my precious thing. I am so fond of you and you will always be a part of me, nothing can ever change that, you said.


What surprises me was that you actually remember that incident where I got freak out and beaten up, u can't help but being protective of me and said you will do whatever you can to hurt him if you could.

But you will never understand this feeling, this i love you deep down but I can't never be yours kind of feeling. You have your gf to talk about things, to share it with, I can tell nobody I have no one to talk to. You can talk to me, you said, but we all know thats a lie, how can I talk to you where I know the more I tell you things only will make me get in deeper and deeper with you. I thought the less i know the less I care and the less I found out about your things then the feeling might subside, but I was wrong, I, always wrong.

We must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.

23 October 2013. Day 8

My alarm went off at 7am, both of them, I'm getting ready for Pisa today, it might rain, so I brought rain coat just to be ready. I really had a a good night sleep in that little colorful room, everything was so quiet at night and I slept deep.

I have no problem finding my way to the bus station and purchase the train ticket accordingly, I even went ahead and gotten my Siena train tickets as well, thinking that I should just stick to the train although some people said it's easier to get to Siena with bus, but I'm never a risky traveller so I just do what I know. After everything done, I still have a bit of time so I grab a cappuccino and croissant at McDonald. I finish the cappuccino coz I wasn't that hungry and I save the croissant for later.

The train will take 1 hour and 5minute to the Pisa central station. I sat down and start to scribble a little bit in my another journal, something more emotional and it made me cry. I guess I just care too much. The train make every stop that it passes by because it's a local train.   opposite a pair of mum and daughter where later I found out they're  actually visiting the Pisa tower as well and ended up we helped each other with the picture taking.

It wasn't too long of a walk to Pisa tower from the train station, again I found it quite easily because every person seems to be heading the same way. I enter from the other side of Pisa tower, the back of it, then again, no matter which direction you entering from, you it leave you nothing short of amazing when you finally seeing the tower yourself in I front of your very own eyes.

All you thing that you want to visit required a tickets at Pisa, I wasn't really particularly interested in going in any if it not even the tower, I'm happy enough just to look at the exterior, watching how people pose all they can pose in front of the Pisa tower, that was quite a sight. I covered everything within the square itself, took me about two hours. I am not really a detailed tourist, I guess, but then again maybe that's because there's no one going around with me, which makes the trip a wee bit dry. To me, it's not where you going to really, it who you go with.

I really have a lot of time around Pisa in that sense coz I cover what I want to cover, I didn't explore much further. I pass by a nice park which I sat down for a while, then I pass by this little grocery shop and decided to grab some chips, beer, yogurt and juice on the go. Then after that I walk back toward the same direction I came from and decided to sit down somewhere named plaza Garabaldi to have a quick bite, that seems to be a common name in Italy, Garabaldi.

When you have too much time in your hand, you will just tend to think think think, let's just say I am happy with my place rearrangement for now and I want to meet him really soon.

Two more hours to go before my train back to Florence. Or maybe it will be earlier :)

End up my decision to go back Florence two hours earlier was the right one. I boarded a 2pm train and head back to Florence center which leaves me a few more hours to stroll around town. I really love Florence for some reasons, it is quieter than Milan, but less complicated than Venice. Then again I still haven't been to Rome so it might be too early to say.

Amazingly I found a panorama feature on my cell phone which I absolutely love to bits, although that means I actually miss some good panorama shots of Venice but hope I'll get some from Milan since I am going back. Anyway I got some pretty good one for Florence to keep then continue on walking and thought maybe I should treat myself a little nice dinner. I intend to walk around and find a photo-booth that i spotted in the morning where you can have your shot continuously in black and white, I thought that will be fun to do but i couldn't find it at the end. So then just when I thought to get myself something nice to eat then I saw a sigh says nice platter with tuscany speciality which is quite rare to me, so I decided to pop in the shop and check it out. It's a nice cozy place owned by two young fella. So I ask about the platter then of course he said its nice so I give it a try and pula a two euro Tuscany wine that they serve as house wine. The fella is not too chatty, he just told me a platter is something he out it together and serve so what end up on my table is a plate full of different ham and salami that go with bread, there's five type of them, as recommend by him all very nice. The ristorante is newly open too just one and a half month old since September, I wish they well and good business then went on my way. I always admire people that have the courage to do what they love to do, I really hope they will do well from the bottom of my heart.

Then it's time to head home so I store the yogurt I bought and set my alarm to six am hoping that I'll get up early and make myself some breakfast n coffee tomorrow before my day to sienna. Before I go to bed I check mail and Giacomo sends me a thank you note, I replied saying I miss them already which I really do. Oh well, I'm sure somewhere somehow someway we will a presto, for sure.

There is no remedy for love but to love more.

22 october 2013. Day 7

I woke at 6.30am this morning, want to get prepared to catch the train later. Today is the day my friend and I bid goodbye. I feel sad since last night and there will always be this big hole in me that nothing can fill. We were talking about it last night, gotten a bit emotional which in the end still solve nothing. I was crying on the train watching him sending me off, I'm never good at goodbyes, in fact I hate it.

Anyway.

9.15am on a fast train to Florence. Arrival time 11am. With the clear direction Giuliani has given me I don't have a hard time finding the place at all. I reach the place and settle down immediately. Her flat mate Martina was there to greet me and told me all the house rules that I needed to know. The other thing is my bag zip is faulty now so I have to buy a new one.

Then I went out walking to the center, which is actually more than 10min away, but it was a really easy walk, then when I reach the center, first thing when I saw a public phone is that I want to call my friend, so I did, I told that I arrived at Florence and the weather is absolutely gorgeous, he wish he could've be here together with me, sometimes deep down I guess maybe he is just saying nice things to me.

I walk in for about few hours until four and think I should head home, coz my feet really start to feel tired now, after six days of torture, my poor legs. I had a really nice simple tomato cheese sandwich for lunch. Then after I got home, I had a nice hot shower and then log onto wifi to check some mails and reply some messages, only then I realise I should do something about 25th. It's just a really spontaneous thought that I want to go back to Milan and meet him, because after thinking about it, it just too many days in Florence and I wish to move sienna and Pisa to weekdays rather than weekend, hence that frees up two days for me. As you know I never wait, so I tell my friend about my thought afraid that he might already have something in place, which he did, because he promote his brother to spend the weekend with him, nonetheless he is kind enough to still ask me to proceed with my plan and spend one day with him and to me that's the more important day anyway. I just don't want to trouble anybody even thou he is thinking of making plan backward to come to wherever I am instead but I couldn't let him, to allow me to be there in Milan and manage to spare some time with me, that's good enough for me. So after confirm the thought, I quickly check back the same hotel and fortunately there's room available so I quickly book it and there, Milan here I come again. I really start to worry falling all over again, this time only harder.

After having a happy thought, I decided to take a walk and look at Florence at night in a different way, which not surprisingly Florence at night has it's real charm, especially the cathedral. I sneak myself a cigarette enjoying the cathedral night view and people watching, feeling amazing and still can't believe that I am in Italy. I took the bus to town as I know which one to take already, then walking along, my friend told me the local wine is worth trying, so I did together with some yummy gelato and that was my first gelato in Italy and I did it in Florence. Oh now wait the panda doesn't count, does it?

After a lovely night walk, I just happened to find a self service laundry place nearby so I walk around and saw this friendly old lady which I can't make out what she said but I've decided to come around and wash some clothes. There was one italian dude and a Philippine lady doing their drying. The philipino lady was friendly and we got into chatting. She asked me when I'm from, how old am I, I ask her to guess, she thought I'm a twenty something, but who can i fool, my twenties is way passed me, I told her my age and she instantly ask if I have a boyfriend, there's this certain value Asia can't shake off. Married and have a family young, for some small town people at least that is true and at least they are keeping the balance of the whole thing. She married with two kids and his husband also here. So here I am waiting for my clothes to dry. What a lovely way to end the day.......

Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen.

21 October 2013
Day 6

Without any set itinerary, we woke up and get ourselves ready by 8.30am to explore Milan on foot. My friend has much to tell me, this is a city he lived in for 13 years after all.

We walked around Milan from street to street, from middle ring to inner ring, my friend telling me stories after stories, from his first move to Milan, how he spotted a girl he likes that he tried to woo her but realized that she had a boyfriend that broke his heart in that lonely winter, I also found out how he and his current girlfriend meet, which my intention is to detach myself from it by knowing more, so that I will know what am I actually getting myself into. I tried all my might, but my emotional side always get the worse out of me, I surrender. Listening to his stories, there's nothing much I can response and do but just knowing that deeply from the bottom of my heart I wish him well and happy.

We covered 30km walk throughout the day and whatever we should visit, we've visited. My friend always make sure I'll get the best of all my trips, bringing places that I shouldn't missed, make sure I'm well fed. We had our nice little breakfast in a typical Milan small cafe where my friend often go he was telling me how perfectionist Milanese could be from fashion to the smallest details of making pattern on your morning cup of cappuccino. We then went for McDonald for lunch, that's inevitable if you travel, you bound to find a McDonald surely want to go for it.

In the mid of our walk, Vicenzo also called to say hi and actually ask for my email address, which got me thinking I should also get theirs so I can send the the photographs.

After the one day Milan sightseeing walking tour, we wrap it up at 6pm and getting ready to head back to the hotel. My friend's brother will bring us to a nice southern italian restaurant for dinner in his brand new car. That's when I realise parking in Milan street is a mess and my friend wasn't joking at all.

I tried out a nice small ear pasta cooked with turnip top and anchovies, plus my friend also got this appetizer plater contains various type of marinated veggies, olives, mushroom, eggplant, etc. the taste is very rich and salty, some even spicy, but all and all I like it. Tonight was also the night I drank the most, three of us finished a bottle of wine, sweet wine with biscuits then lastly finish up our night at a bar nearly with more drinks, I had a beer. We seated outside by the sidewalk, enjoying their fun company, crazy brotherly conversation and the chilly light drizzling Milan weather, that wrap up my last night here.

We all have such a finite time to leave the world better than we found it.

October 20, 2013. 22:17

已经不知道应该怎么想，他又告诉我关于他和女友的事，若能闯过这个关结婚这事就不远了。我当然希望你们有情人终成眷熟幸福永远，毕竟也是五十多岁的人了，那么你我又算怎样呢？你不是才去巴黎见她吗？为什么要这样对我，虽然这样多年了，你知道其实我还会难过吗？你会知道吗？真的知道吗？认识你这样久以后我发觉其实你只是一个自私的人但是谁不为自己呢？我想我明白的。你将她的照片给我看又如何呢？代表什么呢？我不知道。你说你为这段感情付出很多想了好多你说总有一天会将它告诉我，现在你想得太多每晚睡不着心情久久不能平复下来。我没多说，我希望那天永远不会来因为你和她的事，就该是你和她的事，我没有说过想知道，我永远永远都不要知道！

我是衷心希望你幸福快乐，其实我们都知道我们彼此之间没有告诉彼此很多事情，何必呢？就算知道了又如何呢？如果认真地去想想要快乐其实真的是一件很简单的事。

Naming one thing after another cannot, logically, increase the chances of the new thing turning out like the old thing.

20 October 2013, 15:43
Day 5

I slept much better, or at least I think I did. I still woke up at 4 something when I heard my friend got up for the Moto GP. I continue to lay around, closing my eyes hoping to get sleep of an hour or two.

Eventually got up at 8.30am, getting ready with packing to leave Vincenzo's place later on and head straight to Milan with 15:04pm train. I went upstairs to check on my friend and decided i would go out and have one more short stroll along the nearby canal before I go off and make today my official last day here. I bid goodbye to Giacomo early since he won't be around when I come back due to some school business he needs to attend to: to pick up representative from some other school for an exchange programme.

These few days living with vicenzo and giocomo realizing that life is never a complicated matter, you make a choice, stick at one place, do the thing you like and really that is that, nothing complicated. Unlike my friend, always have a rather negative outlook in things, indecisive, always try to be correct and want to have the last words, but even if you win it all, even if you did, what will it get you, right? but i cant say really i am no part of his personally life. who am i to judge anyway? Anyway I really want my friend to be happy in life, I really wish that for him.

Then we confirm on a time where I shall return quarter to one to prepare and have lunch before we head out to the station. According to giocomo weather will turn bad in Venice and I'm kind of glad today is my last day here. My stroll kind of confirm it coz I can see the fog and she I breathe white smoke came out, best yet there was really really fine rain drizzling down. I found a cafe and order un caffe so I can use the wifi connection, I replied a few whatsapp messages and check mails without realizing that today is actually a Sunday. I am officially a freaking workaholic. I should stop. I swear.

I stay at the cafe for about 45minutes and then thought maybe I can find giocomo at the Arsenale to say another goodbye since he said he will head out soon when I was about to leave. I waited for a while and didn't see him come, I guess he got out much earlier, so I left him a note in the panda ice cream container that I got from dinner the other night, as a little souvenir.

I walked home and my friend unlock the door for me, sometimes his reasoning in things was really unreasonable, but at times I just feel sick of tired to argue, so I stop, which always remind me how giocomo will roll his eyes in a way I agree. Ha!

Lunch was ready around 1pm, vicenzo again cook a fantastic meal, very delicious italian pasta dumpling with veggie n beef, he is a very very good cook. After lunch I wanted to help out with the dishes but vicenzo insists that I don't need to hence I'll just got up get myself standby to go. Vicenzo was kind enough to send us off go the station. I still remember giocomo was telling me about picking people up at the airport, it is a very nice gesture especially when your friend or whoever arrive to a brand new place, first thing they do is looking for a familiar faces from the crowd, like in Canada and like in France. Here my friend taught me how to get to the port on my own instead I don't actually mind, but picking up someone from the airport is really a nice gesture and just to show them that you care, I guess.

Finally after a few stop from the boat ride we arrived at the train station after we check the timing for confirmation and vicenzo gets his yet another dose off black coffee, we went on our ways because he has some other things to do. We kiss and hug goodbye, I thank him for everything in Venice, to me it's a really big deal. A presto Vicenzo! I really hope to see you soon!


20 oct 2013. 3 hour train ride to Milan
15:04 - 18:38

We arrived at Milan 1 hour later than expected because the train broke down half way. Luckily I have my friend with me thru out the journey and made everything bearable. He read the book I brought along- Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, he said he likes the concept and find it very interesting. After we arrived at the station, we sorted our way to Hotel Dateo where it located near the Rome city center, with walking distance to everything. The hotel room is small but nice and neat, good enough for sleeping, since we don't expect to spend much time in the room anyway.

After we settled down, we head out for dinner where my friend showed me around where he used to live, where his brother lives, which street is nice and where. He was also telling me he lives in Milan for 13years way back when he was still young and finding his first job here. We were supposed to have pizza in a nice little joint, but it was so full, we don't want to wait, so we had dinner somewhere else. I didn't manage to meet up with my friend's brother which I wasn't except to anyway, however we set to have dinner tomorrow night.

Tonight dinner was really great because I get to taste a really good typical italian pizza unlike the one we find in Malaysia. The one I had was classic, it was really moist and juicy. Of course how can we have dinner without beer, so after we finished up our pizza and beer, we took advantage of the wifi and sit in the restaurant for a while more.

We walked back to the hotel after dinner and called it a night, because we are tiring travel the whole day, although my original plan was to take an earlier train so we can arrive Milan earlier and have half a day there, since that plan wasn't going to happen, we stick to what it is and make full use of the next day.

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.

19 October 2013, 10:35
Day 4

My worst night yet, didn't get a good sleep at all. I thought with my eye mask and ear plug that would help but not at all, I can hear every single thing so clearly, when he came to bed, when he went to the washroom, everything, I supposed it's not because of the coffee, three coffee in a day that probably done it for me, but I am not sure. Finally drag myself up at 8.30, had a coffee, minding our own business, then decided to wait no longer and head out for a walk, it'll be such a waste I guess to just sleep in. I walk to the place where we had pizza dinner that day, where it's quieter, away from the crowd, I mean I still have half a day to rejoin the crowd later in St. Marco if I chose to, today is my last day in Venice, just decided to take it really easy I guess.

The thing with me and traveling I'm not too obsessive about the top list, must do, must watch, must see list, as long as I know I cover some tourist attractions that are important, I can even skip the details altogether, just like here, I didn't go in any museum, church, art exhibition, because I know that those are not my top priorities, I would just rather chillax, kind of like now, sitting by the canal, people watching.

Ok, got a text from my friend now, I gotto go and meet him at Garabaldi, he is talking as if I know the whole Venice well, ha! Update again soon. Ciao!

11.15am

Saw my friend from afar at the Chinese owned little cafe, we proceed walking to meet Vicenzo at the academia bridge, we had a little fried snack, mixed veggie, olive n stuff because we only had one coffee before we head out. Then we were walking and talking about random stuff, he popped a question about bucket list, I told him I have none coz being the in-ambitious human being as I am, setting list is not my thing at all, to me taking it one day at a time, that's all. Then I asked him his, he said he would to do more traveling freely especially along the US coast, without destination and time constraint, also he would like to own a house by the seaside, but he wants to do all that not by himself. Well, at the moment I already found out he sorted out his gf problem and manage to pursue her to move to Malaysia for a short time and I see that as a totally good start, I gave him some encouraging words. Then we went out talking about achievement, successes at a young age, about life and what people want, which we concluded it all a matter of choice and how u look at things. He ask if his gf can meet, Im delighted and tell him that I would love to.

After realized Vicenzo is running about 3min late by the watch, we decided to walk to the academia to see if we can find him, then coincidentally we saw him swiftly walked pass without realizing us there, we followed him to the bridge and to his puzzle he didn't see us which he probably thought we are late, I played close his eyes and he named some females name which I thought was really funny. We continue on to a super market where vicenzo bought grocery to cook for lunch. Then I asked my friend whether it will be good to buy something for the guys as a gesture of appreciation, so end up I bought them a bottle of wine, which I think I can't really thank them enough with that. Following Vicenzo this afternoon allowed me to see Venice in another way, whereby we take different route thru the little alley ways. We even had time to stopped by a cafe at St. Marco square to get a nice cup of coffee, the cafe is one of those really old classical italian cafe just like the famous cafe florian, which located opposite of this cafe.

So lunch was a nice home cooked meal by vicenzo, I helped out with the preparation a little as Vicenzo asked me can you work? Of course I can, without any hesitation, I was about to offer my help anyway, which I really should've offered it earlier. Then over at the dining table, them three continue on with their italian chit chat which I don't mind at all coz I know in a country that u don't know anything and the language, best would be to stay a observer, but somehow we ended up on the table talking about Vincenzo as a worst cook and surprisingly he won an award before coz of his cooking, that was a real funny joke over lunch that day.

The plan after lunch is to get to the train station to buy ticket to Milan for the next day because the online booking system seems a bit tricky to do. Then after some waiting, Giacomo decided to tag along for a walk and show us around, again which I was grateful for because he tells me much more things along the way with his knowledge of Venice and of course also talking much different route than i took in the last two days.

After we done with the ticket purchasing, we walked and met up with vicenzo somewhere for dinner, they took me around and show me more stuff, the hospital, the Venice gothic church, night in Venice is a totally different view compared to day. We end up at a nice little italian restaurant that serves food from the south. The guys pretty helpless with helping me out reading the menu even though there's English, esp my friend he was being so impatient and rude with me there which I find a bit upsetting, anyway, I try not to let this small thing get to me. People will forget what you say and do,but they will never forget how you make them feel.

After dinner, we reached home, I read a bit then hit the sack and call it another day.

People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it.

18 October 2013. 18:40
Day 3

Woke up at 6am, it wasn't so bad, I slept enough and am getting ready for the day. We made ourselves a cup of coffee before we head out both; Vicenzo n Giacomo already gone when we awake. We got out from the house about 10, we stopped by the little corner cafe to get light breakfast: croissant and coffee again.

The original plan was to visit another section of St. Marco then stop by and the train station to get the train ticket to Milan, so we started off walking by the grand canal and the weather was extremely unbelievably great today, it gotten so hot that I actually have to take off my fleece and just wear my singlet. While I was in Phuket I didn't get tan but I'm thinking if the weather keeps on getting hot like this, I might get a good sunburn here in Italy. After walking around for a bit, my friend got a call from vicenzo saying that the janitors in his school went on a strike and basically the school cannot operate without them, hence it's a day off for the school, since we are very near where Vicenzo teach, The Art Academy we then are going to get a short meet with him there, where I had a short tour to his classroom and he bought us another cup of coffee, where in Italy you just have to get used to drinking coffee a lot.

After that we send vicenzo back to the school and still have a bit of time on our hands before my friend needs to be with vicenzo to get something done, hence our Venice walk continue where we keep on walking and shooting, everywhere in Venice is just amazingly nice especially under such weather. My friend suddenly feel a bit emotional where he talks about being a foreigner in his own country to avoid certain things as there's so much stuff happening around here that's very depressing. Then again who isn't after happiness, I guess the key is don't let the bad thing eats you up inside. I didn't say more as I'm surely not the best advisor myself.

At around 13.30 we passed by another station that sells the three island tour tickets, I missed one in the morning where i then thought it might be better to do it in the morning, because today I wasn't really prepared for an island tour, although I'm a bit tempted to do so and looking at the next tour will be at 14.10, that leaves me not a lot of time hence I move on and scratch it altogether.

We walk on and meet up with Vicenzo over a corner near the academy, then my friend and I parted our separate ways where I take another route just to see the tour tickets station once more, I've contemplated for about 3min the decided to hop on, because if I were to do it tomorrow which is Saturday's morning, the other station that is selling the tickets will be much more crowded with long queue coz it located near St. Marco, another reason because I foresee a mad crowd that visit all these islands during the weekend, which turn out my decision is a good one after all.

The tour takes about five hours and the tour guide is a really sweet lefty lady that speaks several languages explaining to us thru out what the tour is all about. I move inside the boat after I realise although outside u get the view but u can't hear shit what she is explaining. The tour include Burano, Murano and Torcello, where I also will be able to see the making of Murano glass plus the famous lace.

Now I am on the boat on d way back where it will take approximately 45 min to reach. Luckily I grab a salami sandwich when I was in Murano just now, so I don't actually feel particularly hungry, what I want is rather a good glass of beer, or wine, or just any alcoholic beverages in any case, ha!

Anyway, I texted my friend once I reach St Marco, finding my way back with absolutely no problem at all, once you get used to the route, places you want to go is not exactly that hard to find. How nice it is that tonight is a full moon night, Venice looking absolutely amazing at night, it's another sort of view. My friend ended up waited for me downstairs after he got my msg about 10min later, he bought me a less bitter spritz then head back to home for dinner after. He cooked me a really hot delicious pasta with whatever he can find in the kitchen, then I help out with the dishes willingly so that I don't feel totally useless coz I have to admit my cooking sucks. Then we ended the nigh with him watching movie and me typing away hoping that tonight I'll get a good night sleep. Good night! End 18/10 21:55

The better part of valor is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life.

17 Oct 2013. 20:00. Dinner time.

Vicenzo and Giacomo brought us to a place far away from the tourist attraction and this place is on its own little island and apparently the bridge that connecting the place is like the last of it all.

When I step on the final stair and got down to the place, I can see a total transformation. The place is filled with trees and park. People running freely in a not so chilly evening, the place look like a whole new village altogether, it's only being built at the early twentieth century.

We had dinner and this little pa and ma shop looks like it runs by a few youngsters where the pizza was bake straight from the oven with all these fresh ingredients. I actually wanted to just taste one each from whatever pizza the gang wants to order, but end up we just ordered one pizza each which was really proven to much for me to take coz I only manage to finish a quarter of it and at the end I finish another quarter because I don't want to see any food wasted, so I ended up eating half of the pizza, way way more than what I normally have for dinner especially it's already past 9pm.

Then the three friends went on and on chatting about stuff, luckily jacommo keeps me company by chatting with me randomly. I get to sample a lot of different pizzas and also some local drink like a lighter version of spritz which is less bitter than the one I had last night. Also I tasted a black color bitter drink that vicenzo had, that was freaking bitter. One thing for sure jacommo is a much better guide coz he was telling a lot of stuff and stories about Venice, then again no matter what I still happy that my friend is being around and bothering me like hell, annoying really, but in a way I just enjoy his company.

So I say goodnight for now at 22:56pm @ 17 Oct. Tomorrow is another day!

Man's main task is to give birth to himself.

17 October 18:26
Day 2

Didn't manage to get more sleep after waking up at four in the morning, didn't dare to even toss and turn, the misery of sharing a bed with friend, afraid that I might wake my friend up. Anyway, got up 7am, getting ready for the day, took a shower and everything, feeling fresh, hope the jet lag feeling won't come back later to force me to sleep early.

My friend has some business that he needs to settle so we went out separate way, I was out on my own at 9am, along with my bag of stuff- book, notebook, iPad, phone, camera, water, a bit heavy but essential things that I kinda can't do without maybe after today I'll figure out what a must bring and what is not, else the load will kill me.

Walking about St. Marco Square again, in fact just the square itself and all those little alleys will take you days to explore and walk about if you chose to, I did a bit of a walk because I have to meet with my friend back at Arsenale by noon, so I decided to just walk back and stroll along his favorite stretch of street in Venice. I walk around and see all these wifi sign, then I know I gotto settle down in on to get the connection, within minutes I walk back again and pick a cafe name- Caffe India, I order myself a cup of tea and wifi away. Check mails and return some whatapps message plus to let mum n dad n bro know that I'm all safe. I was really enjoying the sun and feeling so great sitting by the roadside with my tea, people watching and the shop actually handle by two young Chinese fella. My friend actually told me this is probably some mafia behind the scene money business, but I couldn't care less. What I don't understand is that he might be right for all I know, because he is from here, but just that sometimes why can't people just see things in a more positive light, I wonder.

Then my friend arrived and we decided to grab lunch before we go for more walk around, from the stretch of street we picked one that run by a small family, look very busy and local, we order some sour lemony marinated light grilled beef (which is young beef, looks exactly like chicken and taste also quite similar, the inky difference is I need to chew more and the meat is tougher). Although a small family restaurant, the pricing isn't any cheaper compared to other restaurant, according to my friend. Then again he already told me upfront about eating out in Italy that it will cost quite a fair but where by a normal meal would probably cost u about 50-60 ringgit where with that money you can get something very decent back home.

We chat a bit more during lunch about the walk that we are going ton take later, I have with my some top list if places to visit and map which comes in very handy. I'm not too obsessive about Must See, so my friend and I really just taking it easy with a slow pace, no hurry, which is the way I proffered to travel. I also decided to get the bill coz after all I won't be here if it's not because of my friend, so I think it's appropriate to buy him lunch as a gesture if appreciation.

Even with the walk around the square, I know he might be joking, I know he might be teasing, but there's a lot of whining and complaint in the end making me feel bad about certain things: I should perhaps take the boat, even though he said he is ok to walk, asking me opinion about places I want to visit but being vaguely coy, he could've just suggested the place and ask me whether I want to go, after all he is the local, I'm not, too many times he playing the sorts of democrats game and want to ask ur opinion for it but in the end kind if made it worse. I probably should've let him know that money is not an issue. Train fast or slow, to visit museum with a few or to take boat that you need to okay to somewhere else to visit, etc etc. maybe it's just me who thinks too much, I always do.

Anyway, I was glad I have him to guide me around, I shoot a lot of photos until my camera went flat on me, lucky I have my iPad and phone, anyway with that I really can't thank him enough, the day tour was great, walk around literally for half a day, that we both know is going to hurt our legs and feet, some willingness actually won't hurt, but instead I heard complaint jokingly, which I don't know if I should take it seriously or.........?

Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures.

Caffe India at our fav street in Venice. Garabaldi
October 17, 2013, 12noon

如果这是你所谓的爱，那么我应该怎么办呢？我想其实我们在很久以前你和我之间已经断定了这一段不寻常的关系。这是一种不一样的友情吧，你说我们不应该很刻意地去给这段感情一个标签，但如果这并不是爱，那是什么呢？对我这样一个是非黑白分明的人来说灰色地带会让我很痛苦的，就像现在这样。

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

16 October 2013 14.20
Day 1

1 hour before landing, checking out the weather outside by my 10A window seat, the weather is so gorgeous, blue sky, white cloud, the sea, coastline of Italy, everything, it really didn't quite hit me that I am going to be in Europe soon. I seated next to a girl that work in Shanghai and now back to Italy for some exams. She looks a bit cold but in fact was really friendly because she was playing with this little Chinese baby and trying to speak Chinese to her. I ended her asking her about direction for the boat that I need to talk after I land.

It wasn't difficult at all t the airport, I spotted my backpack right away, got the port details and head out to buy the boat ticket at the counter, the cashier was friendly and she speaks English. The boat ride costs me 15euro, but it's a good way to get around Venice, I heard. I got the direction that I should take left after I got out from the airport and walk straight until the end where I will find the boat, I got there without any problem and board right away. Later I found out from my friend actually the 15euro is the airport changers for boat, if you get it from the outside the rate will be much cheaper, that doesn't come as a surprise at all.

I texted my friend letting him know I will be there soon, the excitement slowly comes to me at this point as the boat cruise around the canal and passing by a lot of buildings, the sound of the water, the people on the boat, families, couples young and old all come here in Venice be it for holiday, business or coming home. As the boat cruise i feel the chill on my face with a ray of warm sun, Venice is beautiful.

After about 75min, I arrived at my stop Arsenale, where I saw my friend and his friend both waited there, it's a wonderful feeling to see a friend especially in his own country. We greet, hug each other and he was asking me about the flight and all, plus also made fun of me on my bigger than me back pack. Well, I really did pack light and I don't want to be underprepared knowing the weather condition is much much different than my own country.

After a short few minutes walk we arrived at vicenzo home, it's really nice and comfortable, right smack in the center of Venice where everywhere is easily accessible. I drop my bag and chit chat for a while with them as in Italy is a normal work day, so I have this luxury of having a vacation while other people working. How nice is that. So then everyone go about minding their own business, going to doctor, meeting deadline, that left my friend and I. After which he asked me what's the plan, where I really just leave it up to him to decide. I wasn't particularly hungry and the jet lag hasn't hit me, so we decided to grab a bag and walk around the canal a bit more where one of the top tourist reaction is just few minutes away.

Everyone in Venice walk. So if you don't like to walk you shouldn't be in Venice, good thing is I like to walk. We memorize the little street so that we will not get lost and can't find our way back home. Then we started to walk where my friend slowly tell me about the surroundings, some history and background of the building as much as he could, I know he's not an expert, tour guide or anything, I appreciate it and listen to it as much as I can, but overall I just really snapping pictures away, really enjoying the view and Venice. It feels surreal and quite amazing to finally be here. It's really nice to see you I told my friend, in another way, this way.

We walk about about 30-45min the day is getting dark, so we slowly walk back to get ready for dinner, we chatting about nothing in particular, just updating each other about our lives, work, financial crisis, English grammar, playing catch up and all, exactly like how it suppose to be. Just that we've been friend for quite a while, it'll be unnatural not to do all that.

So in a foreign country, you have the intention to act local eat local, drink local, so my friend and I walk along his favorite street in Venice where i kinda understand why he likes it because that like the most street like looking street, unlike all the little back alley. We went into a small little bar, he ordered for me a drink called Spritz where it's a type of drink typically venician will have, but to my taste bud  it's just bitter. So I don't take that so we'll, but if enjoy tryi new thing nevertheless. Then we pack up a few mini burgers and it's time to go home.

I really do nothing much after coz the jet lag hits me real hard that I went to bed at 8pm, I said good night to everyone and hoping that tomorrow will be a better day........then now here I am typing in this entry at 6am in the morning where I have already woken two hours before.

Jet lag oh jet lag, let's hope it gets better, coz my friend here just snoring away beside me.......oh we'll, let me try and get another hour of sleep then.

Ciao!

Good order is the foundation of all things.

16 October 6:41am; Doha airport

A nine hour transit and I'm in Doha. He got me a wrong check in envelope pocket, I should've gotten the yellow one, instead I received something called premium transfer, the word premium was never in my life. Nothing premium happening in my life before let alone I'm going to apply to become premium user or anything. Made couple of drop to reach at the correct departure/ transfer gate.

Doha airport is under construction yet it's still kind of neat and systematic. It is after all an airport I guess it needs to be. When I landed I witnessed the most incredible night view from the 18k window seat from my flight, sat beside a young man that wears a sort of traditional cologne and a light blue watch, zero communication other than the time to the loo.

Airport is such an interesting place, people watching to its max, reminds me of a tom hank's movie - the terminal and I'm already thinking what to watch on the flight to Venice........the great gatsby perhaps.


P/s: watched the way way back, monster university and 7 min of German movie - oh boy! I should finish that too.

Live always in the best company when you read.

15 October 20:03 pm; KLIA

Another year passed and with a lot of things happened, looking back most important was about the house and from there you actually realise who are the one always by yourself, supporting you no matter what, that's family.

It's time for my so called annual overseas trip once more, I didn't make it to UK last year and this year I am ambitious - Italy.

With all the prior checking and arrangement now I'm sitting here outside of Gate C36 which located at the far end of KLIA where I have to actually hop on a train to get here.

I'm happy, relief more like, sitting here quietly on my own, looking away.

The bus that took me here actually detour to city center to pick up some other passenger, a place where I used to wait for bus to go to work- Pudu Raya. It has changed a lot, from what I see it was street full of foreign workers. When the bus stopped everyone just rushing up the bus like nobody business afraid that there might be no seat for them, at the end a whole bunch of them manage to fill up the whole bus and one actual tourist that suppose to get on the bus to the airport able to squeeze himself in with a special isle seat.

On the way to the airport only then I realize the bus driver actually dropping this whole bunch of foreign workers to a construction site not far away from the airport, that kind of made me smile and knowing that these workers actually have a way to get out of the place so far away to the city center via a type of public transportation that wasn't actually meant to be.

After the bus driver drop them off, KLIA is next, I arrive on time safe and sound, thanks to the online check in, I just need to drop my bag at the counter and the guy at the counter was super friendly, his name is Hazly. He helped me check in my bag and sort of chit chatting about travelling because he saw my passport with quite a number of stamps. I just smile and say he will have his opportunity, but he said his kind of work taking up too much of his time, that's airport life. I guess at the end of the day as long as you enjoy what you are doing, that's the best reward of all. I am also lucky that I able to gain as much travel as I can by work and personally.

Well, my boarding time is 20:10, now it's 20:03, think I will conclude my page one travelogue for now......until I'm in Doha, that's few hours fight from KL and nine hour waiting time in Doha airport before my next flight to Venice. I can't wait!

We are always in search of the redeeming formula, the crystallizing thought.

don't remember when it started really; all the things you said made sense; you should not wait; how am i to know you are not busy if you didn't tell me; am i at it again? do i start now with you? for real; to get hurt again; to have feeling again; to fall again; you touch me when you say two is better than one, so lets!