29.1. 12:15pm. U called in such short notice. I thought u just wanna say bye and send me greetings as usual. U asked to meet. Surprisingly. I agreed to the short lunch meet even with the rush. U thought I only off tomorrow and wanted to call about meet up tonight but you got another appointment and I will head home right after work. Kinda of glad we did this. Then I found out you will be away for 3 weeks. Miss me la. I like that more. You were telling me again about the similarity. But im in denial. I refuse to be link to her. We are nothing alike. At least I don't want to admit. At this point in time I cant share my man, maybe me and you really are special. we toying with naughty idea because you say you will really miss me and I said there's time where we don't see each other even longer but you saying that's last time. This is this time. U ask me about my meeting. I already postpone one this morning and you tease me. Who you go with. You are in demand. Only now you know. Thats what I fear. I never know about ur fear. We kept on touching n small talking with each other. I pull you aside the last minite. Surprise u with my move. That's one thing I like about you. Being spontaneous. I guess that how I like you to remember me by. Enjoy the three week long break. We'll catch up after because I really can't tell from your eyes who I am to you anymore.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.
It doesn't even seem weird; you keep on wanting me to scream out loud; say what I want out loud; you smile and laugh a lot unusually; you don't used to do that you said you happy to see me; under such weird circumstances; I just can't be happy; I should be the one staying out; not her; definitely not her; please tell her that I'm sorry.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Choice of attention, to pay attention to this and ignore that, is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer.
Maybe u meet her. Then next time she doesn't need to go to movie. What kind of nonsense logic is that? Have you event thought about how I feel and how she feel? I should be the one to get out. Not her. Can't u see that I think you are doing all this out of a very selfish reason? I need someone to rescue me out of this mess and you are not the one. Not the one.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Adversity is the state in which man mostly easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
I wasn't shy or being uncomfortable tonight; I simply back out; knowing that I'm going to miss you and even though I've been wanting to kiss you since we've met; you say you no longer looking for this kind of relationship; you told me you just looking for friends; but I have feelings and it changes; it's so hard to say for sure; how could I; how would I. and then I know it for sure when I kiss you in my car tonight; after the two beers and a vodka tonic. I'm going to miss you a long long time.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
If I tell myself hard enough and long enough; Eventually all these seven years' feeling will begin to subside; It will be hidden in a place deep down my heart and then one day; only one day we will slowly talk and laugh about it as if this is someone else's story; I will tell myself hard enough to believe that.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
原来我没有办法欺骗自己; 七年的感情不能说想忘就忘; 你一早传来问候的讯息试探着; 我当然有时间; 为你我有的是时间; 就答应了你忙完后晚点见; 九点; 闹完后决定中餐; 老地点; 你摸着我的手; 很温柔轻轻地; 我们聊着; 我需要为自己的健康调整饮食; 你给我一些劝告; 而你真忙; 几把低音吉他; 要离开三个礼拜; 和女友还不很稳定; 五月要回老家; 你在交代着似的; 我东张西望; 就只是想见你; 这样单纯而已; 在车里我又哭了; 你说真的是有很多事缠着你虽然很想见我比现在多; 其实你什么也不用说；你问我能够找一个地方吗？你家？因为我们已经不能到你那儿了；我们好像两个顽皮的小孩；但是知道的； 我们已经不能再像以前一样了； 何必呢？ 你还不明白吗？你这样会弄我很难过很难忘记你的？你又怎么能以为我会很容易就忘记你呢? 我也是一样啊； 我无言； 原来七年的感情真的不是想说忘就忘得了的； 你说今年不能再像去年一样来看我；你还说放年假前希望能再见我； 我就被你拖着走； 很不知所措； 我们到底要怎么办呢？那晚就在一条很暗很暗的后巷；在车里；情不自禁的吻了你；再一次地。
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Many of our fears are tissue paper thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.
05012014; 11am to 4pm; 心血来潮驾了车到了那书店；找到了一系列她的书；想着是否要找一间所谓的咖啡馆品咖啡看看书；但何必那么做作呢；自己根本就不是那一类人；就算随便在一间mamak或超旧的kopitiam就能泡足一天了；现在人真是；然后就在一个很幽静的公园的露天小餐厅抽了四根烟；喝了两壶绿茶；看了1/3本书；哭了一会儿；想想来了整整十五年原来从来都没有一个人住过； 不知道是没有这样的机会抑或根本没有给自己这样的机会；从来都不是一个怕一个人的人； 整个下午下来；整个人想东西都比较清晰了；那些爱过的不再爱的脸孔性格都已经消失得远远的；可能是时候为自己做一些事了。
“有些事，只能一个人做。有些关，只能一个人过。有些路啊，只能一个人走。” 取自“目送- 龙应台”
Saturday, January 4, 2014
3 hours in the cafe; conversation moving fast forward; things you should know in long period of time cut short within the few hours; too much information to take in; both age compatible; thought we know well what we want; he did; i didn't; i freak out; i feel the unfairness rushing in; being an emotional cripple with baggage written all over me; he couldn't sense it; he didn't even see what hit him, poor thing; he's into me; im not; case close; the end.
Friday, January 3, 2014
03012014; 17:29; 05:10; it's very jam; raining even; you called; you know well you could get stuck in the city center; still you have errand to run; i didnt ask more; im glad you call as always; just happy; you can tell from my voice; you finally say you have to tell me the thing that happened sometimes soon; because you can't stand it anymore; you can't sleep at night; its keeping you up, things that on your mind; i said i can't ask and push any further if you are not willing to tell; you never get used to be calling me so frequent; you need someone to listen; to talk to; if i don't know what happen; i cant help you; let's go have a lot of beers and get drunk; we teased; then you tell me it's your fault; don't say that; it's not anyone's fault; this is the decision you made; everyone has a choice and you decided to do that; maybe way back when your mind is clear and you want to do it where it just feels right; but time and thing get tough, people change and you get shaky along the way; maybe what you need is just some courage, few beers and a friend; you say you miss me out loud; you know i will be here, right?
02012014; 19:59; 03:36; another spot checking; 我没有不知所措； 我在想着你电话就响起来了；我不知要说什么来掩饰我的喜悦；新年快乐我说； tell me something new; but what do you want me to say; that i miss you; i love you; that my life is so miserable without you; but even that is not something new; so; 然后你说只是想听听我的声音也想和我去唱酒；就是那样互相玩笑着；一切就那么自然；没有完全没有变过；但我也在胡乱猜测；因为你在电话的另一头有很急促收线的意味；可能只是因为她吧；but it makes sense, no? 别想太多啦。
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Im on a bus on my way to college; a naked woman get on the bus and sat on somebody’s lap created a scene; then the bus stop and I step out with a guy; we both walk together towards the college and we sign in the registration form.
this is a dream.
im facing my beginning on my own; by myself; just be happy already! already!