Friday, May 26, 2017

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Don’t tell them too much about your soul. They’re waiting for just that.

you said it has nothing to do with the trip;
you told me something embarrassed;
a family affair;
that i rarely interfere;
i asked a question;
you did not answer;
i push once;
still no answer;
i stop instantly;
we still contemplating;
we want to see us;
i wonder the repercussion of what happened;
how would that affect you;
did she send it to you which she supposed to;
that she did not and to him;
he is not even attractive;
what would she think;
in this most fragile moment;
she needs your tenderness more than ever;
all this inside of my head;
spinning and spinning;
non stop;
but me missing you;
also going on the same rate;
i ask you what is this relationship means to you;
you said: a lot;
that is enough for me;
truly, madly, deeply.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.

you are glad and happy that i am telling my friend about you;
but it;s because she is in the same situation;
you know this is not something i am totally proud of;
in a way you cant do the same under the circumstances;
in your voice there seem to be a little bit of disappointment that you cant do so;
then comes now;
that i realise;
you can share with me embarrassing affair that you will not be able to share with anyone, ever;

that makes us even now;
in a weird odd way. 

Monday, May 22, 2017

The best way I can love you is by not losing myself in you, but growing with you.

She is not around again;
you just reached home;
settle down, shower, you called, we chat;
i cried again;
feel sad;
but i made you more happy;
but maybe i make you more sad;
i will not know;
i can not guess;
i do not want to ask you hard question;
about what you would say to her;
about how you are with her;
then about the trip;
far and yet so close trip;
you have found a trip where we both do not need to travel so long;
i am flattered by your thoughts and invite;
i hesitated and finally decide to refuse for the right reason;
both you and i know it this is the right decision;
there is just too much at stake even though we do not talk about it;
you don't need to think anymore about the trip;
don't feel bad or anything;
sometimes someone in this kind of situation needs to make a call;
even if it's not a call I would want to make.

Thank you for the so many things and so many thoughts you have had for me and done for me;
for this i truly feel loved.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

I usually solve problems by letting them devour me.

i let him go and turn him down just to get closer to you;
we still keeping our chit chat albeit we both far away;
you are going home;
flight delay;
seeing your family;
have good time;
all this within a short period of time;
frustrated about the planning;
could have been done better;
i left you on Wednesday;
board again on Saturday;
already he said he wants to meet again on Sunday;
as usual i think too much;
as usual i think of other;
as usual i think why the hurry;
as usual;
as usual;
as usual;
i cant explain.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

I’m really a very happy, contented little person in spite of my broken heart.

i was glad;
it was the right decision;
she made it here early;
we have similar challenges and issues;
she enjoying her time here;
we could talk about it all night; all day; all the time;
cheer to you AL, this friendship i so very much cherish.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

I will love you the exact way I always wanted to be loved.

still shy;
still did not push it thru;
first night arrive late;
we joke about it;
i was gullible;
i greeted you;
you were tired;
you slept more;
day 1 - then we headed out to a temple nearby;
the temple was surrounded by a lake;
we had a Starbucks too;
we walked around the park;
see all the performers around;
had a piece of fried chicken;
it was a nice day;
then we wanted to have a beer;
small dinner;
we ended in the small jap restaurant in a corner;
day 2 - we got up;
usual time;
we book the tour;
then get on our way to the north;
visited a big bell tower temple;
we then rushed on a bus;
randomly touring around;
ended up in a small bar street;
had my beer in a french cafe;
then we walk thru old street;
found interesting stuff to look around;
i wanted it to be special;
had in my head a visual;
it did not happen;
i know why;
i did not push it;
i want to be in control;
i want to know where i stand and what i bring to this relationship;
day 3 - we had the arranged trip;
saw another old couple;
guessing it's an affair;
we can only guess;
what will other think of us;
i wonder;
you enjoy us as a normal couple too;
im more eager to feel with you different things;
to still explore you; know you;
day 4 - in the nicest hotel of the trip;
did not stay long or talk;
hang out had beer;
walk around lake a bit;
bicycle fail;
a lot of things fail;
but enjoyable time nonetheless;
did not had our bath;
drink a little wine;
call it a night;
day 5 - check in again the second hotel;
settle down;
went to old street again;
had cold drinks;
people watching;
normal conversation;
you had asked me to tell you something, two times;
i feel like we run out of things to say;
we limit ourselves;
i do not want to do the things you could do with them;
what is the difference?
i wonder then;
i wonder now;
i will forever can only wonder;
to no end.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

You do not have to unburden your soul for everyone; it will be enough if you do that for those you love.

you missed a day;
i have been waiting for this moment;
city is empty without you;
finally it was over;
we back to our world;
still shy;
still think i am not entitle to request and ask for more;
this time it felt more sexually driven;
i wanted to talk;
i did not insist;
you missed the sign;
i have my expectations;
everyone could have;
it is very normal in a relationship;
if this you can do it with her;
why would you do it with me;
what is so special?
i did not feel special;
i have in my mind - candle light dinner; give you the gift; talk about it more; about our relationship; to assess it; do we want to go on; am i doing you more good than harm;
you send me a song;
that says makes you better;
how can it be if someone already made it;
where is my position in your life;
what can i be?
we have been waiting so long for this moment;
and yet;
it feels so different this time around;
i want it as it is;
that i can always feel sure being with you is the good thing;
is the only thing that makes me want to be with you.