Thursday, August 17, 2017

You cannot fathom the distance I would travel for you.

you walked into my car; calmed down the excitement; Monday is just too long; but the feeling when we met; as you said; will be stronger; it was; you were in your short and t-shirt; casually; we can't kissed in front of your place; i understand; we got emotional last night; we had long time together; from 7 until 1; i finally asked you about her; i know at some point; this needs to come out; i was reluctant; to share with you; about things; you like me being shy; we had Chinese noodle; we still enjoy each other's company very very much; i told you about my exam time and the dinner time that i wanted to head out early so that i am able to be with you more; even today; i want to go and pick you up; even 5 more minutes with you to be is precious; this is another hole i dig myself and fall into; i am making this decision; to go on; like this; at least for a while; for the sheer joy of it; even just for coffee and another coffee; and another. 

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Forbidden things have a secret charm.

you asked me if i mind;
i don't;
as long as i get to spend time with you;
i went up your place;
i wanted to have a quick shower;
we did;
you touched, kissed me;
drove me mad;
for about 2 seconds;
we went out;
the three of us;
couple set of beers;
talking about work a little;
some life;
and a lot of music;
know someone odd;
however odd they may be;
they still have certain kind of charm;
we were touching each other under the table;
our legs;
our hands;
our fingers;
he is not stupid;
he will figure it out;
but we do not care;
you said you love it;
because this made you feel like a teenager again;

Monday, August 14, 2017

Isolation is a way to know ourselves.

all four of them said i am special and that i mean a lot to them;
i do not know how to cope with that kind of information.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Sometimes the craziest things happen at the worst times for the best reasons.

i left the wedding dinner earlier because of you;
of course it was because of you;
so you can see me and my little black dress;
i was happy that i left early;
music, chit chat, long night, a lot of toss and turning, another guest room, dining table, your back, movie that left about 20 min, some songs you like, that we insisted to see each other; chocolate; coffee; breakfast noddle for lunch; be good and nice and kind to people; you used to be worse; me too; time management; your problem; my problem; all in no particular order;
you cried a little;
when you mentioned about a song;
and that you miss your son;
we do not have this shared memory together;
we never will;
i hold you;
i can only hold you;
i was telling you;
you are very sentimental;
i look at your new tattoo and i know;
you are a good man;
you are.

Friday, August 11, 2017

Listen to many, trust few.

Because I have seen you cry. We were talking about songs. there's time when you drive - listening to a song and just cry for about 5 minutes; then you will be ok and to move on again; And you being emotional. And you miss him. And I don't want to find out why. I couldn't. Not now.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

I know. I’m very hard to talk to. I realize that.

i still like you very much; what should i do?

you left office much earlier at 5; i couldn't believe it; things that people make you do when you are into them; you brought me towel and champagne; you said he must be wondering; you do not care what he thinks; you just want to spend time with me; enjoy the moment; we did; we had; in the brief night that we are able to have; i brought you to chinese again; telling you stuff; calling the night sandwich; bother by the dog a little; life is beautiful and short; always easier said than done; i like you and want to explore every single part of you; your eyes; your nose; your ears; your hair; your hands; your arms; your thigh; your feet, especially your feet; all the things you do (with me) remains a memory only (with me); i was playing your favourite song accidentally; i never do anything for anyone; should i begin to? for you?

i still like you very much; what should i do?

what should i do?

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

You told me my hands were soft because you had no idea what they’d touched.

we talked about a year off; i am willing; right at this moment; to be with you; to go on a year off; some where; we talked about you being more romantic than me; we talked about her; the pushing; the pressure; the way she wants to do something with you that should have becomes something natural simply because she just wants you to care for her to be close with her; even after 25 years; it is still there; i can not say for sure we will get along; it has been almost 15 years; along the way, all these while; i have put caring for other behind; i have been taken care of myself; i can spend time alone; for a long time; look for things to do; people watching; doing nothing; maybe read more; maybe write more; caring for other does not come automatically for me; i need to re-learn it; i will be still anxious; stubborn; i put everything under the context of making something bigger in comparison; the 5 minutes become a year; i would still stretch it and maximize it with you; because assuming out of your 80 years of living; if i can get one full year with you; that means that could still be a 5 minute for me full on with you that i wish not miss; would i be attach to you after; or split; at this moment; that is not what i am concern about; it is more on the process; how we can get along; how i want to get along with you; with each other; you say we are similar; perspective wise; this is just what we saying; we can't know for sure; we tend not to romanticize things too much; you were telling me about books you read that touched you; i mentioned a movie; numerous scenes that i imagine me and you that get me emotional; i do not know where do we go from here; one thing i know for sure; we are still going; keep on going and going and going.........