Saturday, April 7, 2018

When you love someone, they become your reason.

Recap. Then I realise. You love recap.

845. U reached my home. This is the weekend after a long time we get to spend together. Fully. Next week you travel to spore. And soon enough you will start to travel for your work. We slept early. Chit chat a little while. We did not watch movie. Then the next morning. We get intimate. And head out for dim sum. We had a few errands to run. We went and pick up my cert. had coffee. smoke. Went to Puchong and pick up the things you needed to pick up. we both have dumb siblings. we agreed on that and have a laugh about it. we rest for a while. you dropped me home. two hours gap and we met again to go to the park. we bought some stuff and i made dinner for you. with the bread. we had a good time. we slept early then we went to the park. you proud of me i ran 2K. we went to pick up your glasses. had coffee. called up customer service. in the end, we thought we had a lot of errands to run. so we did not buy mattress protector. the small cabinet. or new pillow. we leave it as it is. we just prioritizing. anxious about the tickets all day. you are such a structured person. i like that about you. we did not go to the park. the grass has been cut. we watch GF2. commented. chit chat about it. about being cruel. about family. about enemy. you like it. i find it so and so. again i cook you dinner. satisfying meal. we see each other again the next day. i climb over your gate. due to the remote. finally you got it change. you were excited the few hours of working because you know you will see me. im happy. i wonder would you change for me. or are you just constantly changing to adopt and you are not who you are anymore. curious gets the best out of me as usual. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy.

i haven't been writing since two weeks back; every time when i get to spend time with you; time seems to fly by fast; i recall this time around you have not been spending time much at my place; you did it last during that time your house has water disruption; we watched godfather 1 and you said we should watch 2 together; you will tell me the story line if i do not understand it; i gave you what i had; it is not something uncommon; nevertheless nervous and scary; you say you do not mind; i guess we cant mind it anymore; i did laundry for you; it lasted for a week; finally all settle back in; went to a crowded Chinese restaurant twice; wont go there anymore; still like our little mexican place the best; where we relax; had breakfast, lunch and smoke; we also went back to little india; had simple breakfast; life is too short to wait; it is not like the food is so worthwhile; we went to KLCC one time too; got anxious about looking for a breakfast place; i urged you to hurry along; decided to had breakfast in a little kopitiam cafe; satisfied meal; see you two days in a row before i head off to hometown; had nice indian apam; so many varieties; i have discovered; sometimes odd conversation happens between you and i; the "caring" perception you wish to create; the dragging on task that should have been done that annoys me a little; as long as it does not crash on our major value; i guess i can live with it; gotten present from your uncle from his trip; happy someone actually remembers; we laugh a lot when we are together; you open door for me; a lot of your chronic unease moments kick in; do this and that because; i start to adopt; do not see any harm; i want to be a better person; i am not the type that sets goal; never do; with you; i wish i can do more; run more; love you more and more and more.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

I think a lot, but I don’t say much.

heavy rain; i am out in my black dress; blow my hair; glad you asked for a meet; suggested a noodle place that we have missed; made reservation; everything is well in order; you stood by me; liking my black dress and converse shoes; it is better to wear shoes; you said; you look so beautiful; what were you saying; you lose your thought; we hold hand; you touch me and lean forward for a kiss; the very first time in public; i am useful to you in a way; beneficial; i dropped you home; i was glad i did; when you do not feel used; this type of thing is actually ok; 

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

It bothers me that no one has the patience to deal with someone who is just sad.

we had a small episode; i felt it is too small; i do not want to sulk; i do not want to miss out the opportunity to tell you what i am supposed to tell you before it is too late; just because i said "get out"; i do not know if this is your emotional baggage; you said it may not be; i insist a little; nine years is a long time; just because you did not want to stay longer and talk; 10-15 minutes max; otherwise it became a conference call; it ends with frustration; i did not get to see you; due to some water distress situation; few days; i already anticipate; what if you love; what if you change job; what if it becomes long distance; i off the phone; went to bed; the next day; you laugh at my conference call description; we are alright; i am still mad but i can talk; you decided let's meet anyway; just as my best friend suggested; i am so glad i have all of you; i mean every single one of you; in my life.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

You don’t pass or fail at being a person, dear.

you had an event an alumni gathering on Friday night; you did not sleep over; we met Saturday morning; you woke late; you asked if i want to do breakfast; you came and pick me up; for breakfast; i was happy you called; wanted to see you; we went to our favourite place; had breakfast; walked around; cafe; checking out artistic mug set; still yet to get you one that i have broke; nothing nice; such pleasure the small time we spend together; went to your place; unexpected dinner with your parents and their friend; ended well; the next day; an interview disruption; realise you are an nervous and anxious guy who like to bring up plan last minute; stay upstairs; you said; made me feel like i am rushing you up; you are; i did not say it out loud; did not want to bother you because your interview is coming up; leave you in peace; slowly saving a mental list; making notes; what to do and what not to do; just to make out relationship w wee bit better; if if is not for you; then for me; at least. 

Thursday, March 1, 2018

I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving.

i gave it to you too; you realize; i feel bad; eventually the feeling goes away; because there is not much i can do; you step in the hospital; being with me there; made a small difference; alongside me waiting in the hospital; although just a short time; making sure i am ok; long processes; tedious paper work; we had breakfast; coffee; then after settle; we had lunch; a fancy nice little Thai place; the feeling lingers on; every time when i get to spend time with you; miss you before you are gone; want to hold you kiss you touch you; the feeling of missing you; goes way beyond; goes on and on; fear to tell you; for this feeling may burden you on your heavy shoulder; i step away; always a few steps back; just to show you; i am still strong; although deep down i am weak; always am weak. 

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

You will either step forward into growth, or back into safety.

i thought you are not going to come over;
i thought dance is more important;
i want that to be more important to you;
of course I'm coming over;
you said you wanted to show support;
and i thought you stay until the end;
then there you were;
at my place;
i forgot to lock the wooden door;
you sleep over;
without preparation;
left early in the morning;
i felt you were hot and cold;
you say you are not;
i still feel you are.