Monday, September 18, 2017

I try more and more to be myself, caring relatively little whether people approve or disapprove.

i really want to see you; i hate to see you suffer; with your pain and getting ill; i cannot do anything; we had coffee and hot chocolate; sitting facing each other cross legged; everything turn into something sexy with you with a slight gentle twist; i like this wonderful feeling; this little time and moment that we shared; however much short it is; it was such a wow Friday; we will not forget; it left memories and traces everywhere; i really want to see you; even just to have a coffee; i suggested it; in the end you accommodated my request; you were telling me about her; your friend; your boss; some challenges; family; long weekend; the time that we do not get to spend together wishing that we were; you already asking if i will visit; i cannot tell you for now; it is not a no; it is also not a yes; just as you; i do not want to promise something i can't deliver; i know i surely will if i can and by then i will tell you about it; that i promise; without saying it out loud; we walk into a building; you said you want to check on something and we steal a kiss; nearby the staircase; just like two teenagers hiding something form our parents; sweet; loving; yet exciting. 

Sunday, September 17, 2017

When you love someone, they become your reason.

second date; much much much shorter; you were feeling unwell; physically we gotten closer; i like how you are protective of me; making me feel safe; you asked me if i want to join board game night and meet your friends; i feel shy and honored; you worry is too fast; i am just being cool about the whole thing; a Korean style Chinese restaurant; we touch; kiss; display a little of PDA; we did not over do it; it's fine; lingering on to stay longer; we are two sensible little creature; i also can feel you being uneasy and want to head home; we parted and already looking forward to meet next; six days is a long time; i like your height; your practicality; your analytical thinking; at least for now; from 8 hours meet down to one and a half hour short dinner; we know we want to go on further; at least for now; since we do not feel it is too much or too fast.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.

Saturday evening; i pour everything out to him; little did i know is started to share more than i normally would due to my secretive being; my date this morning, about my upcoming trip to visit you; up until you said i deserve something good and how this relationship progressively develop into something i really treasure. P, for all the things i thought would happen between us; this is absolutely the last thing on my mind; to turn you into my relationship/ life go to guy; it sure feels good when we can have someone that we can share absolutely eveyrthing with; with that thought in mind; let us have the same relationship with whoever we are going to see next; in your case; you too deserve someone great in your life. 

I have so much of you in my heart.

it started at 8.30; a breakfast date; first surprise; you are on time; second surprise; you brought me a chocolate; you said you were travelling; but still you do not have to; i brought you nothing; proceed with breakfast; chatted away ranging from family; work; my course; past relationships; religious; interest; traveling; Sydney; food; concert; a little bit of football; even Beckham; you already ask if i want to go to Russia for World Cup game; i find that direct approach refreshing; the conversations carry on; we have good impression with each other; i lost count how many times we high five; certain values are on par; you are practical; punctual; i like that; in the first few hours i already few i share too much; even my private family stuff which i do not normally share in the first date; i guess i am feeling conformable enough and be ready to open myself up with you; we already kind of mention a lot of things we can do together; perhaps; too soon; the coffee was bad but the toast was nice; you and your family also having struggle; a lot of things seem matching; then we decided to change to another place to talk further; you drove me there; we talked more over tea and lunch; it was a nice place; 7 Sept - 25 Oct; ESTJ - ISFJ; two years gap; horse - dragon; Virgo - Scorpio; love language test; you do not seem to into so much about star sign or zodiac but big on personality; perhaps from your past experience it could help with future one; still i wonder; the test result it depends on how you are or the situation you are in right now there and then; it tends to change and people bound to change; that is the beauty of it; can not believe you are a dance guy; that is the only difference i spotted about us; this one thing;  wait; no; there's another; we do not have the same taste in music; that i notice; we talked about your house; property ownership; on the things we have been through; the different result; i just want out; your ex did not and you gave her what she asked for; for i know even if i ask for it i will not get; i was out quietly after all these years; the struggle was real and we sort of understand it; you can easily be manipulated by someone you love; hard for you to trust; i guess i am being cautious too; everyone would; a lot of things i would put it upfront now; because after lunch, i was thinking whether we should continue and i ask him bluntly if he wants to keep hanging out; because i do not know his schedule and what is his plan; and he replied that he would be happy to continue and change to another place; finally we decided that we want to spend a bit mire time together; we change to a little cafe that serves really good croissant; we kept the bar place that we have been seated; we dont mind it so much; although now that finally i realise the reason why we stick to that we possibly because that was the opportunity we can get physical together with some light touches; none of us did; we were shy and polite i guess; we showed each other social media postings; he wants to befriend so that i can see his update; i would normally decline but i accepted him this time with a good reason; i showed him family and friend photos; there was even this "if there's a smoke i will go for it now" moment; which i find rather cute; time flies when you having a good time; we realise it's time to part and we gladly did; before i walk out from the car; we stopped for a brief moment to say our proper goodbye; quite naturally we lean to kiss each other; it was quite a sweet and short kiss; we both smiles shyly and know that we have to do that again; which we did more properly and we were holding hands; i feel this joy genuinely i have inside; we have already plan as next week is a short week; and we have a mutual feeling that we want to see each other again; hence we lock down another dinner date for tonight; i can not tell you what is going to happening now; i just feel glad that we make another date already; without waiting for it too long. 

Friday, September 15, 2017

I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy

Friday night; i was at a company event; he texted me said to meet up; i ask if he can wait; of course he can and he would; to have a drink with another friend of his; i gladly reply a yes; i want to see him; do not feel any bad conscious; we had a few beers; some food; a bloody good time listening to various sort of music; got introduce to some good one; finally agreed on one; the heavy; he feels a little bit jealous because he cant talk about music with the two of us; i feel free; truly enjoying the night; joke of the night; on stage was singing a song by Sting - Heavy Cloud No Rain; i literally take it as a statement; we laugh about it for a while; his friend was odd about joke; answering a question with a question; it was still fun; we ended the night passionately as expected; i do not even know after tomorrow; i just want to spend every single moment that i possibly could with him; until the time comes; whenever it is 

Even if you know what’s coming, you’re never prepared for how it feels.

you said we can do lunch; or have a coffee; i will be waiting; sometimes it is not enough to just say i miss you.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

you came and see me despite your back pain; canceling of dinner; "a bad day should be like this"; i remember a friend said; similarly as you told me once; the best part of my day only starts now.


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Even if others abandon you, you must never abandon yourself.

We are all selfish.
One kept on saying he is not forcing me to anything. He gives me no promises.
One seems to forget that a relationship that has been going on for 10 years is not something as simple as to came out and accept that the dynamic has been change of the consequences of things that had happened. One fact remains to me, if you are not a good person, you have no right and are not entitle to ask me what to do. You gotten the point wrong where you say you did that when we were apart when I was seeing someone else, but what bother me the most is you have her and have me in your life, that was apparently not enough and we just have to get past that and swallow whatever wrongdoings of yours. This will take years to fix. For now. I've took a bold step to want to talk to you. This doesn't mean I do not mind but the word regrets would kill me more if I did not unstuck and move on. From this moment on I also realise being physical with you and get back to what we once had is out of the question. Forever and ever.