Wednesday, March 7, 2018

I think a lot, but I don’t say much.

heavy rain; i out on my black dress; blow my hair; glad you asked for a meet; suggested a noodle place that we have missed; made reservation; everything is well in order; you stood by me; liking my black dress and converse shoes; it is better to wear shoes; you said; you look so beautiful; what were you saying; you lose your thought; we hold hand; you touch me and lean forward for a kiss; the very first time in public; i am useful to you in a way; beneficial; i dropped you home; i was glad i did; when you do not feel used; this type of thing is actually ok; 

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

It bothers me that no one has the patience to deal with someone who is just sad.

we had a small episode; i felt it is too small; i do not want to sulk; i do not want to miss out the opportunity to tell you what i am supposed to tell you before it is too late; just because i said "get out"; i do not know if this is your emotional baggage; you said it may not be; i insist a little; nine years is a long time; just because you did not want to stay longer and talk; 10-15 minutes max; otherwise it became a conference call; it ends with frustration; i did not get to see you; due to some water distress situation; few days; i already anticipate; what if you love; what if you change job; what if it becomes long distance; i off the phone; went to bed; the next day; you laugh at my conference call description; we are alright; i am still mad but i can talk; you decided let's meet anyway; just as my best friend suggested; i am so glad i have all of you; i mean every single one of you; in my life.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

You don’t pass or fail at being a person, dear.

you had an event an alumni gathering on Friday night; you did not sleep over; we met Saturday morning; you woke late; you asked if i want to do breakfast; you came and pick me up; for breakfast; i was happy you called; wanted to see you; we went to our favourite place; had breakfast; walked around; cafe; checking out artistic mug set; still yet to get you one that i have broke; nothing nice; such pleasure the small time we spend together; went to your place; unexpected dinner with your parents and their friend; ended well; the next day; an interview disruption; realise you are an nervous and anxious guy who like to bring up plan last minute; stay upstairs; you said; made me feel like i am rushing you up; you are; i did not say it out loud; did not want to bother you because your interview is coming up; leave you in peace; slowly saving a mental list; making notes; what to do and what not to do; just to make out relationship w wee bit better; if if is not for you; then for me; at least. 

Thursday, March 1, 2018

I am that clumsy human, always loving, loving, loving. And loving. And never leaving.

i gave it to you too; you realize; i feel bad; eventually the feeling goes away; because there is not much i can do; you step in the hospital; being with me there; made a small difference; alongside me waiting in the hospital; although just a short time; making sure i am ok; long processes; tedious paper work; we had breakfast; coffee; then after settle; we had lunch; a fancy nice little Thai place; the feeling lingers on; every time when i get to spend time with you; miss you before you are gone; want to hold you kiss you touch you; the feeling of missing you; goes way beyond; goes on and on; fear to tell you; for this feeling may burden you on your heavy shoulder; i step away; always a few steps back; just to show you; i am still strong; although deep down i am weak; always am weak. 

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

You will either step forward into growth, or back into safety.

i thought you are not going to come over;
i thought dance is more important;
i want that to be more important to you;
of course I'm coming over;
you said you wanted to show support;
and i thought you stay until the end;
then there you were;
at my place;
i forgot to lock the wooden door;
you sleep over;
without preparation;
left early in the morning;
i felt you were hot and cold;
you say you are not;
i still feel you are.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

No one has ever become poor by giving.

you are my priority; you are first person i wanted to come home to after my long break; the various messages from you saying that you love me; need me; want me; i really value the fact that i am in your future. i want to be with you too; you got too excited to see me; i was disappointed a little; in the end; i guess i just have to feel alright about that. 

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.

no more surprise; decided to see you after my dinner with classmates; at your dancing place; feel drained; tired; no mood to dance; just one; feel sorry for that guy; i was all over the place; cant believe i found you and tomorrow is V Day; we talked 30 min passed midnight; we talk about having you around; what if i lose you; i said; you start to want to make sure im safe; want to leave things for me; which i do not think your parents will agree to; feel sweet that you say that; you felt shy in the morning; you motion to me; i get it; i talk too much; afraid you may get hurt; still you went on; i do not want anything from you; not expecting anything; i guess that is the best expectation.

Happy Valentine's; you smiled and said