Thursday, December 14, 2017

The darkest minds tend to hide behind the most unlikely faces.

"I’m blown away by how happy you make me. Thank you for being there for me when I’m stupid enough to think I’d rather be alone. -- Adam Silvera"

all you need to say is "i miss you terribly" and that is all; it is funny how sometimes the emotional disconnection comes back; in a small way; then i make it matter again; i do not want to suppress my feeling anymore; so i can feel again because i do not want to feel detach from you; at all.

i am happy that we have shared about us to our loved one; we live our own lives; at least i do; their advice counts very little; i still respect them; in a way.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Control yourself…Become someone who can deal with this.

i am still surprise how naturally both of us can be when we are together; it just feels right; i saw you and sleep over on Thursday; Saturday you are driving me home; perhaps i expect too much; perhaps we never did talk about our plans; i thought i could sleep over more; but it did not work out that way; you said what am i thinking; being my usual self i reply i am not thinking about anything; afraid you might see thru me; appreciation and recognition; that two things kept bothering me; got me all emotional; it feels naturally we got physical; we spoke of closure; justice; forgiveness; revenge; in the end; whatever that you need i hope you have received it and bring peace to you; it was a nice weekend; you have met them; quietly and awkwardly; you have been half acknowledged; it does not matter; as long as we acknowledge each other; we even talk about our plan; getting married; as if that is a soft goal; i found that funny; we itemize it as a box to be checked; i refuse to think that is a good idea; we have different definition about things; i have accepted it as you are; we had a nice dinner; in the end i am not even upset which i normally would; you have a way to melt away my hard feelings leaving me soft and fluffy; you always complement my sparkling eyes and you told me that i am precious to you; that you always thank me on things; i guess i got it from you; that is all that matters and that is all i want. You. 

Friday, December 1, 2017

But part of surviving is being able to move on.

You had a wonderful time organised a dance session. I joined in to watch. As an audience. Got to know new people. Still think this is not for me. Deep down I know although I am still open to give it a try. I do not want to rush this. you said thank you a lot. you kept asking people to drink. i just want to see you dance. i just want to make you happy. i am not drinking so i can drive you there. We spent the whole long weekend together. This was the first time I sleep over two nights in a row. we did not have any argument this long weekend. You said things that surprised me. You miss me. When we sat on the sofa. You said miss is the wrong word. The feeling is so strong. I have to admit. i feel it too. i also feel the disconnection whenever we are apart. i just hope that i can tel you more. I often urge you to say something new to me. You only change a word or two. You are not the expressive type. I understand. You had a hang over. Still you accompany me to the viewing. Then we went to the mall together like how couple normally do. i feel safe. Homely. And normal with you. i have no reason to rush. i feel really comfortable. we are not hesitate and not even feel reluctantly when we talk about the future. you want to go far away again. with me. we should plan. after our short trip where both of us feel there should not be any hiccup. I feel this can go on for a long time. For some odd reasons. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.

you let me get away with so many things; i could get used to the idea; you keep on saying that i am beautiful; i still enjoy so much time with you; even though i just saw you last night; i wish i can be with you every night; both you and i wanted to go back to that place to have coffee and ciggie; we are so on the same page; i love you; i can't tell you when i am with you; but i have no shame to tell it to you here. 

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.

with you; everything feel brand new; i try my best to tell you how i feel and share; random meet up during your dance night; we danced to a 2 beat; for one song; quietly sat there; drinking and smoking; you smoke a lot; you were in the mood; during the whole night we did not even talked a lot; you would've stayed even longer; we have small miscommunication; it was a new experience to me until i get used to this; we went for supper; i was very well prepared; i sleep over; i was tired and sleep really quickly; we did not even get intimate; that was not the point; that was not the only point; i feel close; at ease and homely with you; all the time; which really amazed me; it was my surprise day off; i got a lot done; you made fun of my frozen un-fresh pasta sauce; you like the smell of cigarette smoke in the kitchen after i left; you are weird; i told you so; you made me morning coffee as usual; "finish your water"; you gently ask me; i wonder if everyone around you growing up speaking so gently and soft; i feel like i can listen to you say that forever; i wonder how long i can be with you like this; in my head i am not so sure; but in my heart; i feel you are going to stay on for a very long time; in fact i cant wait to see you again tonight.

Monday, November 27, 2017

I love you enough to rid myself of anything that might trouble you. I will become another person.

we miss each other more than ever; im thrilled with the fact that you came over and was together with me when someone came and view the house; i let you go after breakfast and you went for your dance; we can get enough of each other although i just saw you this morning; when you walk to my door i was happy; i have gotten over the long voice messages; you brought up something else that made me upset; so there's two things this week; i do not want you to stop sharing; maybe we just do not need to share every single thing with each other about how we exactly feel; just as when i am being emotional i may not need to share it with you all that much; i have been doing fine all these while; i feel very attach to you; something unknown that i attracted to; the night ended up with a superb porky dinner; gelato; smoke; beers; drama series; talking; sleeping together until late tomorrow morning; went for a viewing and immediately start to miss each other when we parted; was glad to see you again so soon on Sunday evening; we had beer after dinner; i peel you oranges; talking about life and relationship in general; morning coffee without water and alarm; today will be a good day; i drop you off at the station; you did not answer question about future; i skeptically and pessimistically thinking; is all these too good to be true?