Wednesday, February 14, 2018

I may not have been sure about what really did interest me, but I was absolutely sure about what didn’t.

no more surprise; decided to see you after my dinner with classmates; at your dancing place; feel drained; tired; no mood to dance; just one; feel sorry for that guy; i was all over the place; cant believe i found you and tomorrow is V Day; we talked 30 min passed midnight; we talk about having you around; what if i lose you; i said; you start to want to make sure im safe; want to leave things for me; which i do not think your parents will agree to; feel sweet that you say that; you felt shy in the morning; you motion to me; i get it; i talk too much; afraid you may get hurt; still you went on; i do not want anything from you; not expecting anything; i guess that is the best expectation.

Happy Valentine's; you smiled and said 

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Words are not that important when you recognize intentions.

in bed last night;
you touched my collar bone;
"why? what's wrong?";
you laughed at my seriousness;
then ask me to do it again.

it is fun; with you; sometimes.

at times; i also talk too much.

i know that. 

Sunday, February 11, 2018

I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.

you probably already feel sick of me travelling you about how i love you when i leave your house and send you long series of voice notes; just because you always say thank you; just because you made me feel appreciated; it started with you bail on me on a Friday night because you have 10pm meeting; i understand; because your plan have been messed up by a interview that never came; your whole weekend is fucked; then i thought i can see you the next morning and you have forgetting that i had an important signing appointment; i went out with my brother; a pleasant breakfast; maybe it wasn't such a bad idea we did not meet; tome was too short; you thought its better for me to chit chat and go with my brother; then you asked for lunch; i hesitated because i was still upset; i went with it because i miss you; i cried about it in the car and made you understand how i feel; you brought your clothes to sleep over; i was happy; you communicate deeply; we talk about sleeping with other people; if any one of us feel sexually dissatisfies; i do not know which one of us might be first; i like to wake with you; you are so sensitive and fragile that i worry about you all the time; you said you are 85% ok just because you want to be intimate with me; in the end we still fuck up; takes you another long while to recover; we should not do it again next time; i want you to be well; always; then we parted; left each other time to do other stuff; we went out for a nice breakfast; bought gifts and oranges; everything that i need to brought back home to; we ran in the rain; i enjoyed to see you enjoy; you kept on talking to me to make me forget the rain; i just want to run back to my car; lighting and thunder; i was not afraid; just does not like the feeling of getting soaking wet; do not see the point; mess is everywhere; bought some oranges to your uncle; dinner and then met your family late; have a brief chit chat; happy that they enjoy our brief company; went home; fell asleep peacefully; im at ease with you; you make me feel safe; how long can this save our relationship if every once in a while i will feel us emotionally disconnect; i do not know; what i do know is i do not want to be the only one who is trying; i hope you are too; i hope you will still do; forever and always. 

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.

small celebration on my final result; being rigid on the timing just because you want to stick to the time; cut maid cleaning time shorter to accommodate; i did not understand at first; just to drive to my place compare to the other place; then you explain to me; i try to understand; we can be flexible; it is just the timing between you and i; spend time; cook for you; sleep over my place; nice home cooked meal; went for mental health exhibition; emotional level; you 2; me 8; trying to balance it and accommodate; not an easy task; insist on your decision; being harsh on; without explanation; it was small thing after we talked it through; looking out for friends to understand my feelings; rather than you; spend time watching series and movies; then hours later met you again at your home; groggy and fell asleep cutely; we are so good whenever we are together; sometimes misunderstood; somehow; someway; we found common ground; i am not perfect; always take a step back and look at myself; always; thank you for allow me to be me; really; i mean that.

Saturday, February 3, 2018

You always admire what you really don’t understand.

“Hey. I don’t have to tell you everything.”

Maybe he doesn’t realise when he says that to people. Someone so called partner. He is hurting them.

Maybe I’m too one sided.

Maybe I’m the only one that think we should share everything together.

I have secrets too. Who am i to say. I don’t own him. Or entitle him.

Maybe partner doesn’t mean you guys will be together. Will share everything.

I’m glad he is that way. So I don’t feel bad when I don’t tell him everything.

Friday, February 2, 2018

I am too tired and I miss you too much.

we said in order for us to work, we would,

take care of each other;

communicate deeply;

allow each other to do our own things;

even though it means sometimes i will be hearing you say:

"hey, i do not have to tell you everything."

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Yes, we too are stardust.

there will be times in your life that you will just do crazy things; it happened that day; after work; spontaneous random trip; short flight; to see a friend; we can talk about anything emotional; and this friend will get it; this friend will accept it and this friend will embrace it. i love you, friend. this will not be something that will last for a lifetime; but i am happy this is happening to us now.