Tuesday, July 10, 2018

I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is.

it has been a month since i last written a post; a lot of things happen and not happen; old friend that i do not meet anymore; fling that i do not connect anymore; spending time with you more and more; to get to know you better; to have you in my life longer; we have survived a almost 2 weeks trip; we have our differences; but nothing we cannot resolve; there's time you want to quit and just go back home without me; all i am doing is pushing your edge and see how far you can go; to see if i will lose you; to see if i am stupid enough to let go; work comes into place that we did not see each other for a week; there was a "pass key and let me out to go home" incident; as it only makes us feel for each other stronger; i am busy with my house thing; we had a short dinner on a Sunday night then drinks then we go home; missing each other more; feeling strong vibe between us still; we made it and want to go beyond from there; for a little more. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Let it go, let it leave, let it happen. Nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you anyway.

this is the longest time we have not spent time together; 1 week plus; due to illness; quarantine; two times hospital visits; you want to play safe; steak lunch; shortest date in between; get to go home with family over the weekend; you do not mind; our long trip will start soon; then we will find out; if we are meant for each other; from now on. 

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?

sometimes we gave each other little kisses and you're like; what is that for; must there be a reason; like when we bought ice cream to make affacado; i put the small little tub of ice cream against the ice; what is the for after you kissed me; because that was the right thing to do; in the end we realise; we are so getting along; because we have got the because fundamental value right; that is all that matters. 

Monday, May 21, 2018

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

a short dinner; in a Thai restaurant; we walked to the opposite platform; took our train home; reached your house; Saturday 6pm; heavy rain; missing you; you will let me live until day 99; so i do not need to suffer; you want to spend the rest of your life with me; recall randomly; are you bored? i am; but i am also happy to get to be together with you; spending time together; doing mundane things; breakfast; walk in the park; coffee; haircut; what will you do with me everyday that you wont get bored; what would you do to my house if i were going away; deeper conversation; i urge; otherwise we will get bored; we still trying to figure a lot of things out; as much as we enjoy each other's company; i am afraid this will not last us long enough; we are aware that as long as we will stick to each other this way; as long as we love each other; there hardly a thing we cant face together; you are my reason to happiness; i thought that is only something that will came out of a song. 

Friday, May 18, 2018

The best writing is certainly when you are in love.

we can only see each other on Saturday's night; after your visit; it's a two days gap; we cant wait; you asked if i have plan this evening; i should have answer cheekily - yes, i have a date with my boyfriend. kisses. 

Thursday, May 17, 2018

If you persistently seek validation from others, you will inadvertently invalidate your own self-worth.

we sat in the car and had a long chat; first time you reacted so strongly about change of plan; it will disrupt things and it is not healthy for our relationship; you insist of a closure; because i do not know; i said some thing may crop up and we have to reopen this; you are emotionless; expressionless which makes it hard for me to read; anyway we met you friends and you said tomorrow we still meeting; you send a tingling sensation all over  me; i drop you at the station two days in a row; you said you want to get married; i asked how can you be sure; it's a feeling; i am more skeptical than you do; but we both are open; talking about it without hesitation and uneasiness; you said you are sure and this is for real; i appreciate your readiness and openness; we will even keep two houses; i think that will be the best; anyway; what i think now is let;s get through our big trip; you can plan everything; as long as you do not ask me what to do when we are there; that will totally piss me off. kisses.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

It is a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.

i want you to see thru my insecurity; bloody hell; i even want myself to see thru that; you are as rigid as you are; we are not supposed to see each other tonight; if it was not because i mention that i want to go over to your house because of the guest; i miss my privacy; that is not the point; you won't have asked me to come as well to the gathering; i feel wee bit of sadness and clingy-ness; i do not want you to think i can only stick with you; my insecurity tells me you do not want me there; head and heart tell me different thing; i can't let the unreasonable win; let's put up some new clothes and change.