Thursday, July 31, 2014

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
 with your one wild and precious life?

EVEN during periods when little is changing around you, the line between situations where you are in control and destiny can be unclear. At the moment, however, you are wondering if you've any influence on the events taking place. While it may seem as though you don't, when you look back later, you will realize you did.

                                                                 ~ daily horoscope

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Do not falter or shrink; But just think out your work, And just work out your think.

the last meeting was really hard for the both of us; although we tried to be as accommodating as possible; then you made me realise; we do not need to be right all the time; we do not even need to be accommodating; that's kind of the whole point; i was feeling upset because i was doing my best; but we do not need to do our best all the time; we are just fine as we are; as it is; everything will be fine; stop being so hard on yourself; just stop.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

The most that we can do is to hope for the best till we know the worst. Of course, we shall make the best of the worse when it comes.

I am thinking about you a lot, to be with you, to start a family with you, to have kids with you, to build a home with you, you said I hate you sometimes but that's not true, you rephrase that I can't stand you, that is right and you said that's almost the same thing, that is hardly the same thing, it's totally different thing, I do not hate you at all, if anything you just drive me mad and that's all. I swear sometimes the thing you said is deliberate because you want to drive me away, but unknowingly all this is just driving me closer to you, unknowingly so.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Aspire, break bounds. Endeavor to be good, and better still, best.

you drop by; took me by surprise; i wanted to walk away; you hold my hand; calm me down so we dont go to bed early; you have a way with me that even you may not aware about and i have to keep you by my side for this way that you have with me like no other.

Friday, July 25, 2014

To know a truth well, one must have fought it out.

you telling me the story; your version; i want to be fair; i have to listen to hers too; for now i can only wish you well; be very very well.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Now is the time to understand more, so we fear less.

if we are more and well educated, why is there more war? my parents time, they are much less educated and yet they understand the meaning of patience and compromise.


Monday, July 21, 2014

When a man thinks he is reading the character of another, he is often unconsciously betraying his own.

You have a way to turn things around and make me feel shitty about myself but in the end i only feel stronger. You said you have no idea what we are doing here, I reply even if I am from the same place as you, there is no guarantee everything will work out, no one can predict the future, why can't you just trust us this once and go on ahead be with me then we see how we go. What is the worse thing that can happen if we give this a shot?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.

i really have no mood tonight; for a movie; for any conversation; you were telling me about your new business venture; naming it; asking me opinion; I roll my eyes; not in a condescending way; just that for all the things I have to say you have a way to justify it; it is just alright for me; I appreciate the fact that you appreciate my input; just that a lot of things in my mind; you said I am too young to be jaded; I am thinking I am at the exact age to be jaded; I am in between; perhaps you see through things way more; really not tonight; I don’t even want to watch a movie which I normally will not decline; perhaps is the study bit; you keep on asking me; is it something personally? But you know far well better than I; if you don’t even share your story; you actually do not have to right to ask me; friendship should be fair; the way you treat people and the way you want people to treat you; there’s no two ways about it; you praise my clothes and my jeans; keep on talking to a point that I lost track of you and your voice; too long winded; too much talking; everything at this point; just too much; I can’t even imagine that I can actually hate you.

But i do. i really do.


Friday, July 11, 2014

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

You don't do long distance; you said it a lot of times; then what are we doing now; so we are not seeing each other; are we open to see other people? We never ask; never say; never discuss about it; we are just taking it as it is; all this while; remember that time I haven't see you for three months; but the emotion that rushing in the moment we see each other; do you remember? You can't lie about things like that; me too don't like long distance relationship; it sucks; I called you three times; you didn't pick up; I guess it that much either you switch your phone to silent and sleep again; or you simply need some quiet alone time; either way I am fine really; i really want to call and say hi; although I am dying to know how your day was; how the open day went; what do you think about my assignment; all these questions I kept it to myself too afraid to ask; I can imagine because you are a guy that annoyed with only the slightest of background noise while we are talking on the phone and all I'm doing is driving; I didn't take it personally seriously; never do and never will; I don't know you a lot but I know that much; you sent me all your weekend plans; I was quite surprise; you normally don't plan long; still I check if it's ok for me to come over; you can only confirm it tomorrow as expected; I am ok although I nearly book the ticket; by now you should know me a bit better what type of person I am; I will be the last to want to bother you and invade your space; I am happy you invite me for a birthday party; you said that's part of how you slowly want to show me your world; then I am confuse; because I say I do not want you to feel obliged or that I am like your liability; but you say I am not that is why you want to bring me; all the last event you didn't bring along a lot of women to this kind of party; afraid people assuming that whoever you are with are your partner; with me you said you are not worry; I have a feeing that if I walk away now; if we say no now and walk out each other's life; you won't care less; you won't even move a muscle; that very idea scares me; then you also say you don't mind to meet the kiddos; at times I'm confuse and wonder what do you exactly look for; is it really me or could it be someone else?

Maybe just maybe on second thought; we are better off staying away from each other's life.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think.

you ask why am i so furious every time i talked about him; because i disappointed with myself, i am a failure, i let him drag me on and mess up my life for so long; you say i need to look for interesting people; when you were 20; you don't know what interesting means and you don't even know if you are interesting; it's a bit too late now; nonetheless thanks for the suggestion; when i ask you how do you live with someone? i don't; how can you even tell me to love myself and love my life when you can't even live with someone? i know what i want; i know what i am doing; but if this is just leading us to different direction; i rather you say no now and give this up because to you i don't even matter; that actually hurts, really hurts.

Monday, July 7, 2014

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Many many times when you were telling me how sad and helpless you are, I really hope that I can be there for you, at least to hold you and be with you during those times. I couldn't. Long distance is sucks. It is what it is now until we decide to give it up.

Don't beat yourself up too much about your mum, I know there's a sense of guilt, let's hope she is in a better peaceful place now. Your relationship with your mum was truly a challenging one. You are living now, carrying on with your life. I'm not here to ask you to do nothing and forget her, instead remember her always the best possible way. There's still much you need to do, a lot of things to clean up, to settle, I hope these are not burdens for you but just a mean to live. You gotto do what you gotto do, right? Thank you for your invitation, let's plan it early.

I don't mean to say things and pretend that I know things that you don't, I just want you to know that I am here for you, ok?


Sunday, July 6, 2014

Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

一个月了。你回来了。直接从机场打电话给我。迫不急待想要见面。还是在车站摆了个大乌龙。见到你真好。你说你早已经知道。只是你不想问。今天你问了。我告诉你我在见着一个人。他会弄你笑吗?你会作弄他吗?他高吗?胖吗?几岁? 为什么问这些问题?为什么要比较?和你有关系吗?你要知道这些都不是只是在我和你身上会发生的。你要知道我和他是认真的吗?已经谈婚论嫁了吗?我说还没有但是我很喜欢他。你应该知道,所以我告诉了你。有分别吗?你问。当然有。我不想伤害任何人。我会知道啊。我不知道我有没有伤害过你。那不重要。那么我们之间什么最重要呢?如果你没有女朋友你会和我在一起吗?当然。可是你连自己的问题都没有办法对我说,那你究竟当我是什么样子的朋友呢?我们磨了8年了。不能这样就说无所谓。我赞同。但是我是懦弱的。你会对我失望吗?我只是对之前伤害你的男人失望,我恨不得打他们出气,我有一股保护你的劲,不想让任何人伤害你,你会原谅我吗?你是我的朋友啊。最后我们也还是就先继续这样吧。有可能你和这个男人也不会有什么结果。我知道你会替我高兴;但我也知道你是自私的;你想将我占为己有;你也很妒忌;但是为何你没有成为我的男人呢?八年了。想想吧。

You really have no idea, no idea at all.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

If I had my life to live over again, I would have made a rule to read some poetry and listen to some music at least once a week


We both wanted to see each other. That’s why we are here. We taking it easy. Even manage to spend some time in the pool. Had a simple nice dinner. Usual place. You say you run deep as so am I. that is why we are still here.

I could fall in love with you and be with you. How serious do you want this to be? Often times you don't like me to tell you what to do. We both independent and capable.  We can manage and we have been managing it for so long. It feels so good to be able to hold each other so tight, feeling each other’s existence physically, a kind of assurance that no matter what, everything is actually going to be alright.

You still very sad and hurt. About your mother departure.  I wish there's more I can do for you but there's none. I can only listen.

You want me to come in Sept with you.  That’s the last chance for me to see your world.  Where you came from. A place you once called home.  Also to put my practical side into good use. You already planning much ahead without me saying anything. I have stopped to think so far off long time ago.

I have not much to offer in terms of money.  This is the part we haven't really figure out and the distance.

You suggest to stay at least three months together.  I thought two weeks should be enough.  You say to see thru someone human side. It takes more time and unlike me you are slow.

You like me how I am not here to bull shit you where you really value my patience and kindness. I am doing my best dear. Just thought you should know.

Still. Let's just take it slow.  Take our time. One day at a time to see how it goes, shall we?

First weigh the considerations, then take the risks.

Because I don’t need to worry about you at all; I do not need to think about you and what you are doing right now;

all this matters;

yes it does.

Friday, July 4, 2014

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.

it is no longer a matter of like or dislike;
it is not even a matter of a better choice;
what is more important is in fact;
we enjoying each other's company now so much and we want to be;
living in it as it is.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

He can do more for others who has done most with himself.

I am sitting at the same place; arrive early waiting for you; you walk to me; greet me and kiss me; I miss you; you look good; in fact we miss each other terribly; you have your unusual way dealing with things that I do not want to interfere because you have been doing this for so long; you manage until now and so did I; if you let me be and i should also let you be; that’s my take; we went out for dinner; you were talking about some notes; want to take a walk have a coffee and tell me all about it; when we reach home; I undress and get all comfortable; the moment passed; you don’t want to talk about the note anymore; you are not in the mood; I apologize and feel bad; you are tired; we talk in the morning you said; you awake at my slightest movement because I was up and couldn’t sleep anymore; you started to pour it out; your note; you were telling me how hard your life has been and how your life is still hard; showing me a lot of things; you are planning way ahead; need me to be there; my practicality might be put into good use in helping you; you crying a little; getting really emotional; that you are so alone scare and screw up; I quietly listen; that's all you want me to do; you know what you are doing; you don’t need my advice; you just afraid you cant last any longer and kill yourself; give it a year; you say; you don’t even care if I want to be with you; then you told me i dont need to buy anything; the house is big enough to live; you always full of contradiction; the notion of having kids with your ex; can i disagree? also some one gave birth to your possible child; all of this; what can i do? how do i deal with it? you even show me photo; I am already with you; the feeling I have for you; the way you mention a home, having children and how you slowly quietly say I love you……………all that I can hear you; all that I pay attention; all that I know, because me too, me too.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Hard things are put in our way, not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength.

The long away two week trip has finally over, you are back, asking me to call, telling me I am kind, thanking me for being nice, you still have much to settle, you told me you are coming this Wednesday for a meeting, I asked when did you found out, you said weeks ago, I cancel a plan to see you because I want to see you, I know I can do whatever I like and so can you, You criticize my English, I ask you to give me a break, I'm not upset about the late notice, I just want you to know each of us have our own life to live, if you start to let someone in you have to start to think about them in any situation, be thoughtful and considerate, I am not sitting around here just waiting for you, I understand you are busy and things are crazy that you have to deal with a lot of stuff, that makes me low in priority, I really understand that. All I'm asking is just for you to start think about me, sometime. Even sometimes. That is enough.