Monday, June 30, 2014

"I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything: "I will try" has accomplished wonders.

You say you are not into long distance relationship, you say I am interesting, I guess I am interesting enough for you to consider, you say if you want a quickie you will pay for that and it's cheaper than all these phone calls, you say you want to tell me something but I have to sit until Wednesday, you say that you don't care about the baby boy if he is yours, he is just too cute for you to ignore, you check on his horoscope, you keep saying that he is cute. What all that really means? That you actually care, you also day you can't raise a child, you do not know what to do with him. All this. Deep down I think you care, at the same time you also scare.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Man has been endowed with reason, with the power to create, so that he can add to what he's been given.

do you like your brother? do you talk about life and perspective with your parents?

you are one crazy girl in a weird family.

i might be a lot of things.

the only one thing i want from you is take your time to know me better.

that is all.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

We can often do more for other men by trying to correct our own faults than by trying to correct theirs.

compared to last night; this is really bad; i am not even saying a lot; maybe some questions and how i approach it annoys you; you shut me down; you say you don't feel like talking to me everyday; you just keep on saying i don't know; yet i insist i want to find out; this is your limit; i could have do the exact same thing to you; but i chose not to; then after a few minute you call back; what is the point? at the end you will choose to walk away anyway; that's the easiest way out; the easiest.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Most of us can, if we choose, make this world either a prison or a palace.

"If you have someone that you think is the one... don't just sort of think in your ordinary mind and think, OK let's make a date, let's plan this and make a party, we'll get married. Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you're still in love with that person, get married at the airport." -- Bill Murray

我又收到一封你写的很长的信;说着你对世界的灰暗;还是一样的想法四十八年来的想法;母亲的去世看来完全没有为你带来解脱;反而得来的是更多的疑问;这世界上再也没有人理会你的存在;to verify and approve you; allow you to prove that you are worthwhile; now you simply become worthless; 我不能对你说什么去改变你的想法;我只能告诉你我对你的感觉;我不期望你对任何我说的话会有所感动;because you always do not care and you always act as you are feelingless, emotionless and heartless; 你时常问我能为我做什么我要的是什么;但是我只是想要你做回你自己;应该去问问你自己到底可以为你自己做什么;你也问我看好我们之间吗?will we work? will us work? 我回答你是可以的;我蛮肯定;因为我很喜欢你;but; yes there's always a but; BUT it will work only if you want this as bad as i do and only that. 如果我们真的必须去旅行穿越千山万水来证明我们之间这一段感情的存在;我想要告诉你的事我已经为了你做好了百分百的准备,而你呢?

Are you ready?

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

we playing a game;
the more you think you piss me off;
the more i want to be kind;
that's why you want to piss me off even more;
in return of my kindness;
we playing a game;
totally reverse psychological game;
it's sick but it's fun.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Hope is necessary in every condition.

you text; you are back in town; for good; tell me about it later; glad to see you again; feeling strange; coz we said goodbye 2 years ago; now you are back; you were telling me about how have you been; not all good at first but you pull through nonetheless; that's life, right? we survive if you have the will to survive; just exactly like meeting an old friend; feels so natural; don't need to pretend; no awkwardness; we just randomly chit chat; i have knew you for 7 years; time really flies; it really really flies.

i wish you well, my friend, J. As always. All the best!

Monday, June 16, 2014

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Dear W,

when you ask me what do i want in my life and what can you do for me, do you really want to find out? are you really ready for the answer/ the truth? why do you want to know? what is the point of you asking?

what confuse me is that at times you don't seem to be ready to talk about things but at the same time you keep on throwing me questions that i find tricky to answer then i often contemplate whether you really want an answer or just simply asking? etc.

i don't assume you ask me just for fun; as i tend to reply you very seriously but i am afraid of the rejection and negative reaction/ remark i might get; hence i refuse to say; as much as it will scare me as it will scare you; the end result is that i might really freak you out. besides, you don't really need to ask or tell me what can we do for each other; we just need to DO it for each other and see what happens; that's basically the whole point anyway.

Through this few months of correspondence i have come to realize; as much as i want to be open about this whole thing; you just really need time - a lot of alone time and space before you can really start invite me truly into your world; things have to stay real without any element of surprise; at least not at this point in time; simply because maybe you are not quite ready, perhaps? but then am i ready? i can at least say i am willing to do things and make things work; if we make our decision to move forward; long distance relationship talk aside we haven't even really touch on the subject that are we or are we not in a relationship and ready to pursue it; it's all good and fun when we meet; we miss each other when we not; we are human being; we have feelings; but as much as feeling goes; where are we now? is there something we looking at together? what we want? a LONG TERM Relationship?

so unless we have a firm ground to work on based on whether or not we want to take the next step, asking what you can do for me a thousand times; or vice versa is very much irrelevant; at least for now to me is really pointless; what else can we do? we can meet up every once in a while, continue talking, texting, skyping but that's basically it, right? i might sound cold, cruel, harsh and very practical but please hear me out.

i want to put myself in your shoes and imagine all this sadness/ grieving period that you are going through endlessly, plus the space/ time you need in solitude; that is your upbringing, you are this person where i cant change (trust me, i don't want to change you!); this is your life; as i would asked you for the very same thing now which i also hope you understand where all my practicability coming from, my life, my experience makes me how i am and where i am. you may criticize my practically doesn't get me anywhere; i can take that; but without it; i could be worse, but nobody will know that now, right?

all this things, W, don't make us any less human, quite the contrary this is all the things that make us who we are; any less of that in me, i wont be sure if i will be able to touch you as how i did now. i hear it over and over again to you i am just this person with a very practical side where you blow it up/ magnify it ten billions times under your microscope; i hope this is not blocking you from seeing i am just a very vulnerable human being afterall. we have been through this conversation on how we wont teach each other about how to live/ what to do but will just live it as we are, remember?

i touch you because i am me, do you think you can accept that? 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve.

We are just being ourselves. We didn't do anything for each other. That's why and how we survive this thus far.

Friday, June 13, 2014

Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not.

Im going on minding my own business; we have been talking, texting daily ever since our weekend meet; I am happy; being here; living; the things that you told me I hope that you are also telling yourself the same because that is also the sort of thing I want you to do for yourself; you said you think about me a little more these days; missing me even; I used to be just “ok”; but now I seem to invade your mind; I hope someday soon enough your heart; I know you are leaving soon and suddenly decided maybe to take a trip with you; without mean to bother you; you ask me why do I want to come; but you never really take "just because" as an answer; because you say things are never just as simple as it seems; I just want to be with you and that's nothing but the truth; I never initiate anything until you mention it; we going back and forth on that idea and finally drop it because it just sounds too crazy at this point of time; I have to admit it is and I am just being my crazy spontaneous random self; I wish not force you and implying you must; I also don't want you to feel obligated; I am hardly intrusive; I am actually happy inside you feel that way, which means I am getting through to you; I am bothering you hard enough; this secretly thrills me.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Monday, June 9, 2014

It is better to say, "This one thing I do" than to say, "These forty things I dabble in."

All these years, all these while, all you do is get rid if people. Push people away. But you know what, you can actually make something happen. What are you so afraid of?

Sunday, June 8, 2014

What's gone, and what's past help, Should be past grief.


Saturday, June 7, 2014

The first virtue of all really great men is that they are sincere. They eradicate hypocrisy from their hearts.

Can I say something? I don't know it enough to give u advice, one hand I hear u r struggling with something u can't tell me about now, on the other hand about ur gf which I really don't know much about, to be fair I don't know both side of the story to comment, but i know people say what they say for a reason, sometimes saddening and upsetting thing but still they don't say it with no good reasons.

So I guess the best thing for u to do is to focus in task at hand and remember what u guys fighting for, longing for, do ur best and what u need to save this relationship if this is worth fighting for, then u can at least say u hv done all u can and ur best, no regret even after that u guys decided to walk away or be together. That much I know. :)

I wish you all the best for this trip.

So ya that's all I want to say so that I don't have to send u an email afterwards.

A hug? 

Friday, June 6, 2014

Every man is valued in this world as he shows by his conduct that he wishes to be valued.

you are all that ive got; you keep on saying that; it's not true; you know that; but you also have to know that you are hurting people that way with your so called shyness; discreetness; being secretive and all.



“Trouble is a part of your life--if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.” -- Dinah Shore

Thursday, June 5, 2014

A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.

"do you want to see me after work?";
you ask me carefully and discreetly;
i notice the difference.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.


Monday, June 2, 2014

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.


Sunday, June 1, 2014

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either.

已经没有再想了,她怎么办呢?但我并没有正式听过你们的故事,我不能猜,我只是念了她写给你的信,你不为人知的秘密,原来一直这么多年了,那些痛楚,折磨,她还是忍耐下来,她还是爱你,依然全心全意想要和你有一个家,那么你的借口又是什么呢?真正的快乐又是什么?然后意识到你从来没有说过和我一起很快乐,我想我们就是这样的朋友,时不时在一起作伴的朋友,然后我想有很多种不同或不寻常的快乐。知道你要回乡一个月,没来得及和你庆生,买了一套光碟送你,希望你喜欢。你对你的伤还是很在意,痊愈的很慢,今晚不能和你睡,几次了,I feel embarrassed, 你当我是什么样的朋友呢?我会在意这些吗?不就是伤口吗?你也不想这样的?但是就是这一些小小的事情,让我觉得我们就是隔着一段距离,一段彼此都没有说出口的距离,这么陌生客气干嘛呢。还谈到纹身,剪发,到海边,野餐,最后都没有,但我都不在乎啦,这些都无关重要,就只是一直想要你好,怕我自己做得不好。但纹身是这么大的决定呀,不能随便,为什么突然?为什么那个图案?就是喜欢,就是想,但应该有比较深入的答案吧,你也五十三岁人了,有时候人生的决定也不是年轻时就想到的,很多就是以后和现在的事,你收到一则朋友父亲去世的短讯眼眶红了一下,而当你常常在想别人想什么的时候我也好奇你其实在想什么,我也三十六岁了,你也不用对我好像小孩一样了,好吗?