Wednesday, November 29, 2017

A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.




















you let me get away with so many things; i could get used to the idea; you keep on saying that i am beautiful; i still enjoy so much time with you; even though i just saw you last night; i wish i can be with you every night; both you and i wanted to go back to that place to have coffee and ciggie; we are so on the same page; i love you; i can't tell you when i am with you; but i have no shame to tell it to you here. 

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

It’s all too much and not enough at the same time.




















with you; everything feel brand new; i try my best to tell you how i feel and share; random meet up during your dance night; we danced to a 2 beat; for one song; quietly sat there; drinking and smoking; you smoke a lot; you were in the mood; during the whole night we did not even talked a lot; you would've stayed even longer; we have small miscommunication; it was a new experience to me until i get used to this; we went for supper; i was very well prepared; i sleep over; i was tired and sleep really quickly; we did not even get intimate; that was not the point; that was not the only point; i feel close; at ease and homely with you; all the time; which really amazed me; it was my surprise day off; i got a lot done; you made fun of my frozen un-fresh pasta sauce; you like the smell of cigarette smoke in the kitchen after i left; you are weird; i told you so; you made me morning coffee as usual; "finish your water"; you gently ask me; i wonder if everyone around you growing up speaking so gently and soft; i feel like i can listen to you say that forever; i wonder how long i can be with you like this; in my head i am not so sure; but in my heart; i feel you are going to stay on for a very long time; in fact i cant wait to see you again tonight.

Monday, November 27, 2017

I love you enough to rid myself of anything that might trouble you. I will become another person.




















we miss each other more than ever; im thrilled with the fact that you came over and was together with me when someone came and view the house; i let you go after breakfast and you went for your dance; we can get enough of each other although i just saw you this morning; when you walk to my door i was happy; i have gotten over the long voice messages; you brought up something else that made me upset; so there's two things this week; i do not want you to stop sharing; maybe we just do not need to share every single thing with each other about how we exactly feel; just as when i am being emotional i may not need to share it with you all that much; i have been doing fine all these while; i feel very attach to you; something unknown that i attracted to; the night ended up with a superb porky dinner; gelato; smoke; beers; drama series; talking; sleeping together until late tomorrow morning; went for a viewing and immediately start to miss each other when we parted; was glad to see you again so soon on Sunday evening; we had beer after dinner; i peel you oranges; talking about life and relationship in general; morning coffee without water and alarm; today will be a good day; i drop you off at the station; you did not answer question about future; i skeptically and pessimistically thinking; is all these too good to be true? 

Monday, November 20, 2017

I don’t have any time to stay up all night worrying about what someone who doesn’t love me has to say about me.




















I’m not someone that is really good with words. I try as much as possible to show you how I feel when we are together and yet sometimes I still feel shy on certain things, like last night when you asked me to touch myself for you and then now when I want to tell you how I truly appreciate this newly developed relationship, be it romance or being good friends. As I said, we do how we do as how it fits best for the both of us. I was so happy we can open share it. Even back when the first time we met. The feeling was already mutually strong. You would’ve hold my hand if I were to touch you way back when in that cafe when we first met. You do not even mind me smoking. You want to make a balcony for me. You want to protect me and care for me. I feel no more the emotion disconnection. You said we work as a team. I lean towards the practical side. I like that of you. Very much. You like my black bikini and my jeans shorts. You appreciate me and often tell me I’m beautiful like no one else. We also just naturally talk about kid. You want one. I feel like the both of us still like kids ourselves but I do not feel hesitate to talk about that in front on you. You give me a safe and comfortable space to be myself, to share, to talk and to open up like I never been before. I want to say thank you. thank you for making me run again. thank you for praising me. one thing you do not know about me is that i just need a lot of validation and my lack of self esteem normally takes ages to diminish. i am just so into you although what we had is not as hot af. 

Sunday, November 19, 2017

I’m confused. Really confused. And it’s a lot deeper than you think. Deeper… darker… colder.




















thank you for making run again; i have very strong desire to be with you; i like how you came over and sit behind me on a chair; i like how you want to remind me about a question that flash by that i have forgot but i wanted to ask; i like how you got panic on a question i have asked you that you have answered soemthing that may or may not have upset me; you remember the question; i pretend i have forgotten; that was how you feel; better than being single; the idea of having a girl field that never sleep over; i am one that constantly do so and you happy that i do; many many small things; in the end i do not mind; you reminded me since a week ago the three points of argument; it did not happen this week; you are glad; i like that you wake and make me coffee; really nice coffee; i have very strong desire to be with you; as you said; we are just click. 

Sunday, November 12, 2017

When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million, empty words.














first - you felt uncomfortable; end up you didn't go dancing; i thought it's my fault; you said it was not; we manage to go the next night; i enjoyed myself; seeing you doing things that you like; you will be freer without me being there; i had experience it; i  know how it is; from now on; you will be on your own to go dancing; i am no longer sure anymore if two people being together whether having shared interest is really that important; it becomes grey to me; i used to think it is important; maybe because now i think communication is more important; second - about traveling; you confused me with your intention; you said you no longer wan to travel alone; you read something that changes your mind; suddenly you wanted to go for a trip; you plan to do something for the house; because of this soemthing you read you put it behind; i guess it's important to weigh what you have said and process that information and also include me in the conversation along the way; just to avoid confusion; i will be okay whatever you do; because as you are i respect your space and freedom; which i am expecting you to respect mine; how my best friend reminded me about a video; went a watch it to refresh my memory about how guys and girls brains wired totally differently; if science can explain it; then there must be some truth in it; third - about decision making; i can go on; but I'm glad last night; we hold hands and talked it thorough and find each other very compatible in our own way; i even put it bluntly on what the difference between: being physical unattractive; to sexually incompatible; to how she is not a good fuck; to low desire of having sex with her; and to ask you what is a good fuck; all these bluntness that allow me to be myself around you and looking for words that fit in your mouth; i hope i will never ever get tired of this thing. 

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Words are alive; cut them and they bleed.




















It has been a roller coaster few weeks.

We met again. After so long. Funny though we miss each other even more.

I cry. you ask me not to. I feel sad that you will be going away; as much as i tried to cover it.

Stupid goodbye my lover song came up. Just in time. Although random.

Dinner without satay. Make an excuse for you to come back. more and more and more.