Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Here’s what nobody tells you: 90 percent of the time, when you fall in love, somebody gets burned.




















i walked into your house just about the time you text me; we sat there with each other for 90 minutes; i thought this is going to be boring; time just slip thru; with no sound; i was happy just to hold you in my arm; finally the big day comes; the next level; took the time to find the perfect gift; they like it; warm smile; small talk; tea session; 45 minutes; gotten the tick; most difficult part consider over; the acceptance; the first impression; the initial perception; all went well; even physical size has been part of the matter; it's the kind of thing we can laugh about many many years down the road; when you and i lying there; i like to hear you say that three words the most; i like how you attentively react to my response and grab my hand to seek for further clarification; i want no guessing game; everything between us should be pure and honest; just like how i honestly do not want you to tell me soemthing that will hurt me even though you think i should know; we do not need to share every single in our life with each other; we can share anything but it doesn't have to be EVERYTHING.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

I think 99 times and find nothing. I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.




















i called in sick in the  morning; you brought me to doctor; made sure i have everything i need; the number of times we thought about the same thing was quite scary; it makes me happy we think of the same thing most of the time; i have been sick the whole week; we did not see each other; finally giving in and took antibiotics; we did not manage to meet during mid week; we will have a part during weekend; we will see each other then; thought to just have dinner Friday after work; you brought your bag; i was surprise and happy; you sleep over; in my home; feel at ease; you said soemthing about not having the weight in your legs; very funny; sometimes we change plan for better convenience; other time just out of sheer benefits for each other; still laugh about the bus stop; that i saw the bus you did not step out from; the disappointment; you went home after sleep over; i did my own thing; i pick you up at the station; knowing which side i should be seated; let you drive; you gave me a card; i read that three little words and i wonder why; you said you were too shy; i asked when did you realise you want to tell me that; you said sometime back; during the party i allow you to drink more; i drove you home; happy yo spend time with you even if i dont dance; i want you to dance more; do the things you like to do; three things: we do not hurt each other; we communicate openly and we allow the other person to do things they like; we came back; lie on bed and chit chat; watch some music videos; reminiscing memories;  you kept telling me i am beautiful; that you like me; that you want to be with me; that you want me in your life; we did it twice that day; as if magic happens; you turned me on; i like it when you want me and desire me; we talk about other fantasy; openly; then go to your place; the usual coffee-breakfast-ciggie morning; you told me about work; we are in each other's world; i end up helping you with the garden under the hot sun; spent more time together; getting present for your parents; talk more in bed; on how we complete each other; on how you feel us like both hands lock together seamlessly; wien; and again sometimes feeling lost on your freckle minded moment; constant change of goal post; do not know what to expect; wonder if you really know who you are; we talked about sleeping with someone; i have becoming more curious; intrigue more than anything; on one hand i do not want you to change; on the other hand i wish you can feel more; emotionally; completely.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Time didn’t heal, but it anesthetized. The human mind could only feel so much.














im afraid that; there will come a time; i may not be able to capture it fast enough; for the memories of your relationship; unexpectedly; we met; to sort out important document with me; to clear my head with all the numbers and confusion; you are good at that; you kept on saying that i am perfect for you; i have met your set criteria and so much more; we gave each other the freedom to be ourselves; you had a shower; tshirt; boxer of mine; feel intimately close to you; you are so happy i am in your life; you told me so many times; sometimes i wonder if this is real; that it sounds too good to be true; want to just be with you; we had dinner; heavy rain; want to be convenient for each other; afraid that we will be troublesome and burden; end up miscomm with each other; somehow not very mad; expect you to step out from the bus but did not; had a good laugh about that; amazingly care for each other so much; created a drama group just to roll eyes and sigh at each other dramatically; you calm me down; we want to make each other a better person; that is already the perfect commitment; without having to say i love you; you even say do one thing at a time because it does not give more value if we do everything in one go; going to meet your parents later; i do not mind; it is a big deal to meet; but also i am ok to postpone it; whatever happened will happens i guess; gave you a surprise on Tuesday; see you dance because my dinner was cancelled; wont be annoyed even if you turn me away; bad surprise turned out worse for me before; been disappointed far too many times and do not mind to be disappointed again; not from you; you were happy i was there; dancing away a few; you tell me to say no; you bend down on your knee in front of me; as an act; i was taken a back; when i hold you close dancing; i can smell you; feel your sweat; tenderly move with your body; the moment just feels so right; maybe it's time to let go; maybe its time to let you control; maybe it's time to let you lead; still not my favourite activity; truly just want to be with you in the moment; you suggested to go to another dance place because i was around; i brought my bag so i slept over; spontaneously; house warming last week; brought you to see my friends; prep for the day; bought food; bought plant; went for breakfast; for lunch; running around; did gardening; because it was such a cool weather week; that you liking it; we notice our different preference; often want to be accommodating to each other; sometimes i do not know its you more than to me; to me more than to you; it blurs the line; it does not matter anymore; just want to do things for each other; i mix drink. big headache and hangover; ended up sleeping the whole day; often think about the same thing and action; sometimes you say it first; sometimes i do; often we have the same mind; more importantly shared values; did not expect to extend my stay; send me home to pick up some clothes; ended up having lunch and watch a movie; feeling cozy just to be with you; i notice that sometimes you did not finish what you started and you are a guy with passion dies down fast after a quick start; i have yet to figure you out; in a good way; you want to be with me all the time; you send me a nice photos of that which reminded you of us; prepare a room for me that is comfortable enough to make me feel like home; i want to be with you; only with you for the rest of my life; i have never be so sure about this kind of thing; even more so that is something you do not need to ask twice. 

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Fools talk, cowards are silent, wise men listen.




















Friday; you slept over after i have done with my first dance class trial; still feel it is not me; had fun nevertheless; it is not something urgent or really want to do; care about how to spend time with you longer; so did you; always feel that our time spent together is short; especially this weekend we did not get to sleep over on Sunday; you had activity which i am glad; that means we still living our own life; met my family; had a good time; you said that both of us living our lives without interfering with each other; which we will continue to do so; already talk about future; practical thought about having kids is not the answer; we have to really be sure about this; maybe it is really time to consider this time to be it and do it already; taking a big bold step; together.

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Love should require both partners to be their very best at all times.














that is all i need; that you tell me you miss me so much; that you tell me you do not want to go anywhere without me; that you will be patience with me.

that is all that i really really need with you. 

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere.




















i haven't had this feeling for so long; in fact to be frank; i don't think i ever had this feeling with anyone before; to be so in love; to feel so much; to think that i want to spend the rest of my life with you and that when you were driving me around; doing little things spending the weekend together: coffee, movie, newspaper, grocery shopping; bbq new years eve celebration; how we want to do this every year; holiday; traveling; planning forward without even feeling any hesitation or reluctance; i know in me so much that i want to do this with you; it is hard for me to describe; i just know this and only know this - i want to grow old with you; i am very very ready.