Thursday, September 25, 2014

Some people say that dreaming gets you nowhere in life. But I say you can't get anywhere in life without dreaming.

in our case, yes - love becomes something that grows, in time and with time. it has to be.

if anything, for now, i like you and i admire you.

I would like to build a home, one with love and passion. The ability to own a house, have kids all are physically possible. a "home" is a different thing. if there's one goal you and i have, ultimately is that, i guess.

you ask me can i build a home with you? i can tell you honestly i can. should it be overtime instill love in it as you said to grow love? or we should love, trust, respect, understand, care for each other first only then take the next step forward? i wonder and no one will have an answer. Can we also just say "let's do it"? :) we dont know.

can you and do you want to build a home with me?

funny thing about you and i, as furious as our fight/conversation hit up, we dont stay mad with each other for long and that gives me hope to go on, everyday.

these are the things im thinking about when we are apart, the possibility of us being together, to shorten the distance.

At time, i am just too forgetful and often make terrible blunder, but i am not making it as an excuse and say it's ok to repeat that. me too living, surviving one day at a time, it scares me, life is as such, a cliche, in the end, it goes on.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Don't allow yourself to be intimidated! There is more than one road to joy.

I'm watching you like a spectator, helplessly. I can offer you nothing in life that she is able to. It makes me wonder about my purpose in this whole journey with you. I say I don't mind, I lie. Coz in the end if I'm not in any part of your sharing however small it maybe, I do actually mind, I do.

Monday, September 22, 2014

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow.

It's like your life only make out of three main components, the more you tell me about them the more I feel detach from your life where we should be the other way around, we should be attach and figure a way out to be together with each other, too often i feel rejected and dont belong in a relationship with you, at all.

this, you do not know.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

you mustn't lose it.

we try to build moment and experience that we can share together, at least i want to, all i remember now are all the pointless arguments and fights.

ok, maybe the time we cook pasta too, that's about all.

it makes me very sad to say that.

Friday, September 19, 2014

You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.

I left early from work, 2 hour early last Friday, just to please you. You specifically ask me to, get off at 4pm, reach between 6pm-7pm, precisely. It takes a bit too long due to rush hour traffic, you even thought I might stop somewhere to have a coffee so that I will reach you right in time, and that I didn't actually get off at four. you don't even call, playing guessing game. I reached at the time you wanted me to, you seem delighted and pleased. I thought I haven't been really listening to you so this time I should. I really want to see you, be with you.

The idea of you slowly in my life, that confirmation freaks me out and that no one actually care enough to stay touches me the most, even you said so. You said you really like me and care about me, you even put a lot of contacts behind, casual one, starting to tell you friend about me in a nice way generally. 

Still we had argument, coz you don't tell me a lot and it seems like you are using me, I'm upset. We walked by the beach, I start to care for you too much and too hard.

I have no say about some choices you made in your past, I feel unfair, I mind, there's nothing I can do about it but somehow give in because I want you here and now, to start to build our moment together, the things that only belong to us and no one else.

I am selfish, I have to admit. From now on, I kinda promise myself to worry less and not give you a hard time anymore, anymore. 

I love you. I begin to.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

After much suffering and torment, I was resurrected large, and pure, and immaculate.

Point #1: Respect your space and time - which includes:-

·         No surprise visit

·         Visiting within time range and specific request

·         No odd hour call

Point #2: design your life

Point #3: find depth, elegant, serenity

Point #4: find peace

Point #5: live your life, live the way you want

Point #6: think big, rise to the occasion

Do you remember the one thing you say you will never take away from anybody – their choices?

You mentioned so many points, I feel I am slowly losing my choices, my freedom, my identity, my thought, my voice. You can argue otherwise that this is how you want them, because you have your way. I understand. I have mine too and whatever way I do thing is always the wrong way, the way that you don’t like, the way that will invade your space, your time.

If you are planning to programme me, sure go ahead, be my guest! I am a human being, just a human being. I can only let you set me a limit too many times.

For last Friday, if I insist stubbornly I want to get off 6pm, I will not be able to see you - but i care and want to see you so much i make the effort, what if there's really time in future that i cant get off, will you be flexible and allow me to come late without feeling upset? without feeling i dont give you YOUR SPACE/ YOUR TIME?

For the 2am call, it’s just something “random” that I feel I want to do.

You can set rules and I can also set mine too. I am hanging on and see how many times I can cope until eventually I cannot take it, explode and go on my way.

I am just a very sensitive, emotional human being. I start to care for you so much it not really funny.

If we cannot figure out how to compromise, it’s very very hard to go on and we will just end up always agitate, annoy each other with nothing great coming out then hate each other. Now that I know “Random”, “Surprises” are not your favourite word in the world.

Please please don’t pretend and do not say anymore “ I can do whatever I want” because you forget to insert – “You can do whatever you want, (but on MY TERM)”.

I can never ever do what I want, at least it is on your term.

I feel you STILL want to maintain the same life you are having but you want a partner that totally MATCH your time, your space, as if the other person time and space do not exist. I am a selfish person too i admit, but i start to think about you. you may say the same thing, but i really don't feel it, instead you make me feel im not worth your time unless i match your time.

You really have a way of bringing my mood down instantly, I was happy, very very happy until you call.

Forgive all my rude & "not nice" comment, that's all the "intelligent" things i have in mind right now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

you are no less stranger than me, i start to miss you more and more terribly these days, oddly. i even miss the time we fight. in the end, when we see thru sex and appearance, small things will keep us alive, that is what i am trying to say, practicality aside, as much as we want to be together, we cant just say we want to be together, in the end, there must be something there to keep us going. i realise that today. i will never be nice to you for some unknown reasons.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

1. we are not here to give each other hard time. we acknowledge that.

2. it used to be easy to say "we are just talking right", it is beyond that point now - we are NOT just talking.

3. whatever move we make will affect the other person, direct and indirectly. past, present, future.

4. i will still worry. period.

5. i will not stop saying stupid things. period again.

This plan really sucks!

from your "Not buddy buddy"

This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.

I know you may still find it hard to believe I am actually relax and “not tense” or “intense” when I am with you, but this is absolutely true.

I will only find it annoying when you are the one who is contradicting and frequent minded and often ask me to decide, do what I want for my life. Etc.

I may spend awful amount of time indoor but that is not because you did not bring me anywhere, but because I am an indoor person, a couch potato. Im more than happy to whenever we decide to do something together.

So you see, “together” is the key word. Everything loses its meaning if that is not something we decide that we want to do together, even if it’s you want some quiet time and I’m going to class, when we don’t get to spend time this weekend doesn’t mean we growing apart, on the contrary the consensus and understanding on our life and situation just goes to show that our maturity.

Am I making any sense with this?

We are not in each other’s disposal, when we decide to do something is because we both “want to” NOT force to.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

1. im tired. do whatever you please. you are not a child. you don't need anyone to tell you what to do.

2. telling me about her neglected upbringing doesn't change the fact there's still need to be a solution.

3. you already have a practical solution, im not trying to give you a hard time, question is what next?

4. you have nothing to hide from me. just that you and I never share enough.

5. if it's late at night, call, ill still pick up, least you can do write. will you afraid to call your best friend because its late, otherwise try start changing your routine/ habit. call earlier. when someone else is in your life, you compromise if you want to.

6. when people like me make mistakes, it's the worst and life shattering, it takes time for us to forgive ourselves, i don't want to make any mistake, with you, or i should say to minimize mistake because in life mistake is inevitable and the consequences now is a child's life is at stake.