The more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it becomes.

you are back from your trip; 2 weeks fly by; you said you were tired and not sure if to cancel on me or not; i prepared dinner; a simple one; enough for us both; we were absolutely thrill to see us; not much words between us; i put on a new play list; mellow chill hit; we fooling about; you are really not a serious person deep down; i love your deep brown eyes; you love one of the songs; dr dre; in fact you just chill and enjoy the whole playlist; i got panic over small matter; i even cried; you calm me down; it's ok it's ok; you kept saying; look at me; im too clean; i want everything to be perfect; you grab hold of me; you take the chair; we did silly crazy hot stuff; you were telling me jokes; then seriously saying you have a tattoo on your back; i doubt you; you have to check? you asked me; i was unsure; i like how gentle you are; you still like how i stare at something when i think of nothing and that you stare at me; u said this is nsa; so everytime is the first time; everytime; i like the sound of your sleep; still it's time for you to leave and i just let you leave; just let you leave.

Silence is beautiful, not awkward. The human tendency to be afraid of something beautiful is awkward.

you pick on the smallest thing; you are so insecure; i did not even think of it that way; i am relief and glad we are not talking to each other; i am not in your life; we did not begin anything; at all; at all!

You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read.

one says miss me;
one says want to see me soon;
one say will bring me something sweet and salty;
one say am afraid that i will leave because of the loss conversation;
when we translate time in a profoundly micro way;
everything changes;
things that used to feel important;
things that used to be not;
if he is talking to them or to her the way we do;
if it changes anything at all;
behind that tall body;
i need not know the reason;
because it will not make a difference anyway.

The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.

it was really hot;
we want more;
we talked;
he said he will take care of me;
i know he already has someone else;
it is ok;
words are just words;
i can just sit down;
breathe it in;
without thinking of it very much;
i think about another him;
three weeks away;
disrupting routine;
of him and family;
he should be happy;
i do not know what can i give;
i don't him to be in harm;
i am reforming the stategy;
how do we see each other next.

Everything I’ve never done, I want to do with you.

one of you is a mess;
another one missing me the whole time they are away;
everything we touch; make; do;
we want to indulge in it over and over again;
looking for ways to make plan;
for the days that may or may not come.

Why are we embarrassed by silence? What comfort do we find in all the noise?

these few weeks i forgot how it is to be with you; i have many more things in mind; i start to compare; there is so much more out there; everything seems so small; all of the sudden; even when you ask me to wait; even when you ask me not to forget you; in a way; it is just difficult not to; eventually.

It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to mourn for it.

when i say i wish i can see you tonight;
you said me too;
you asked me to wait for you;
i can hear the smile and your shyness behind that smile;
i say i will wait for you if you wait for me too;
then a 3 weeks gap in between;
we will now then see;
what will happen.

I was interested in everything and committed to nothing.

petillante;
it's a mark;
a small one;
the way we look and smile at each other;
the way you touch me when we sit across over dinner;
the way we share jokes;
the way you like my retro watch and say you will bring me yours;
the way you say you will bring me something and i ask you for a magnet;
the way we know each other in such a short time and that we already like each other;
monday, wednesday, saturday and wednesday;
i love him;
but i am not in love with him;
that is the conclusion i have for all these relationships i am having now;
it is a lot but i never feel so sure and clear in my head before;
although i kind of know it all along anyway.

For the moment I am really very, very tired of everything - more than tired.

i like your perfume; i remember your scent; i feel your warmth everywhere; evidence that you were here; take good care of you; that was the last thing you said to me before you leave; you had to see me because you are going away for 2 weeks; i met you last Monday; we had met for 4 times; we have this feeling and building connection; you like my home; it fits me; you become extremely funny which i did not realise the first night; i waited for you outside; i asked what you want; you said you want a drink; get something to eat and come back; you looked around; observing; smiling at me; i have a very comfortable feeling with you; somehow; in such a short period of time; we talked about men and women; the three boxes; the things we can do together; a short break in august; not so many things; enough to get us excited; for a while; at least.

There is beauty, heartbreaking beauty, everywhere.

you were sick; you wanted to see me after you got better; we missed each other; dearly; even we only met briefly; it's the feeling; you said a friend is coming over; wont be able to meet same place; you are traveling soon as well; i slept over; we had dinner; a drink; simple way to spend an evening; telling light-hearted jokes; nothing serious or harmful; we know our boundaries; what line we do not cross; i miss more of the other one; we spoke constantly everyday; that feeling grew much more stronger and tighter; if one day you say we inevitable parted; you wish you can at least keep this deep connection; with you it is going to be brief and different; just like how i like it when you brush my hair away when i wake up in the morning; when i look at you; you tried to cover my eyes; i felt you are being shy; i like that in a man a little; that gesture is something he will never ever do; because i am in love with the both of you; in the same yet different ways. 

Each time you happen to me all over again.

second night; casually; same excitement and enthusiasm; you stuck in a jam; postponed a little bit later; still on time; you were getting dress; i offer to drive you there; we had a wonderful evening; light food; drinks; joke about; snack food with a question; that was pretty unforgettable; you love it and she did not; you find a way; you had your fair share of experience; not the first time; i feel safer; you are cute; gentle; sensual; kind; sexy; passionate; i would have told you in the end of the night anyway; just that coz you asked about it over dinner; i told you and said if you do not want to see me after that; i would understand; the same as i told him before; you said you understand and accepted me as i am; other than that the rest of my story was true; i feel you are genuine too; besides i did not expect to see you again; now that i did i have to tell you the truth; i like the way you touch me; kiss me; move me, care for me and talk with me; you are very funny and charming in your own way; slowly loosen up; tell me funny joke; doing silly impersonation; you like how i dress with my converse; expecting me to do so; because you said that is just so you; i have to agree; i like how you always ask me if i am ok; i asked you about secret; in the end; secret is not something you even ask; it remains as something you want to share or not; we are adult; we know our boundaries; we both now; we miss being with someone; physically more than anything; lust has a price tag on it; sometimes cost you more than just pleasure; hopefully this pain comes in a good cause; it feels too good to know that someone knows the boundaries.

You’ve such a lovely temperature.

i like the depth of your eyes; the way you try to smile at me; the way we joke about we are going to have bad sex for 6 years; the way we getting comfortable with each other more and more; the way you insist of drinking even though in the beginning you did not want one; the way when i ask you whether you mind for me to have a drink and in the end you don't; the way you thank me because i left something behind and came back; the way you wanted to touch my hand and did not; the way you want to touch me and also did not; i like how honest you are; i like how you start to let go in life; i like how you have no intention to harm other and just enjoy life; i like how we stick with the 5 words game; i like the photo on your wall; i like how you make fun of me with my hands gently moving the sheets; i like you silently like me; i like that you know what you are doing and yet you still want to do it even though it may be wrong; i like in the end this could be the end of something or a beginning of another. 

Find things beautiful as much as you can, most people find too little beautiful.

maybe this morning you and her did it; that's why you were late; i am not someone who can ask that; question that; i do not entitle to; i do not own you; as you do not own me; change my strategy over the weekend; just for fun; gotten some reactions; making contacts; reaching out; pouring in; unexpectedly; filter thru; went with one; massive headache; straight forward fun; drank too much; after a day; ask for more; met another time; chat chat; made meal; few puffs; back to usual life; then another spontaneous meet; meet anywhere; dinner; few beers; did not think much of it; very straight; serious looking; joke around a little at last; opening up; what would you do if no one is judging you; you mean now; to touch your hand; to kiss you; five words; was a pleasant surprise; the need of being out there; the need of feeling afraid; the need of being with someone; the need of being back home; the need of knowing i still have myself; the need of knowing somewhere i still can come back to; the need to feel safe where no one else can make me feel safe; the need to a self creating illusion; the need of telling myself over and over again - everything will finally be alright; just alright. 

There is, after all, a kind of happiness in unhappiness, if it’s the right unhappiness.

first cut is the deepest; that how it started; i thought over the weekend we have nothing to talk about anymore; you finish my question because i was too slow; we talked about you drink too much in a gathering; new friends you make and talk with; the first guy that you really love; i remember that movie; maybe there's people you love; maybe there's people you married; i still have butterfly when i see you now; different type of butterfly; but i am still shy and nervous; still not sharing too much; afraid that i am breaking myself open to wide and hard for me to take it back; i am glad; even after a short weekend; we still have things to talk about; i like you new short hair; it makes you look younger; i did not tell you about my new encounter; i will save it for now until someday.