Monday, December 22, 2014

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together


thank you for writing, in a way, your mail to me seems like you throw everything at someone, you are telling them that you are such and such person, i am like this-  "I'm angry, sad, and, to be honest, very selfish. As such I'm quite useless and you dont have to deal with me, unless you want to"

it may sounds like you are being fair and giving people a choice but you are not.

then again who am i to say what kind of person you are, you are not here for my cheap advice anyway - you show me that pretty clearly last night over the phone.

you too, have the right to walk away, not letting me deal with you, if you don't want to. everyone has the power to choose and make their own decision. decide who you let in, decide who will hurt you, decide what you can do, that's what life is all about. no one can hurt you unless you let them to, also nothing will change unless you start to.

If you just need someone to just nod whenever you say things, to just say yes and follow whenever you do something, to just take things as it is, to just put up with your shit and expect no effort from you, and that you are such a selfish person and don't expect you to change. i am not that kind of person.

i can share with you quote after quote, saying after saying and hoping that there's some positivity comes out of it. i was once optimistic, i don't think the sun shining out from my backside and that i can make everyone happy, but at least i tried, then if nothing happens, i question myself is it me, and then once i realise it is not even my problem, surely i would have noticed and finally come to my senses that, in this case, there is really nothing much i can do anymore. unless there is something that i don't know and that you need to tell me.

i know i cannot change anybody (and trust me, i dont want to change anybody), but the very least i hope one can sooner or later realise in life, no one like a selfish person coz life is all about give and take, the joy is in the "give", if they can take is a bonus - thats why we are human being, just being human and i am no way near perfect.

i really dont know what else i can say anymore, imagine you are in my position and you are dealing with someone like yourself, how would you handle him? what would you do?

it is a long road, it may take a while and yes it is ok, we can be friends, im just here and life goes on. sooner or later we have to decide what are we going to do. sooner or later and you of all people should know it so.

yes this may not be a mail you expecting, but i rather write you this than write you something that i am not.

take care and be well. life is long and hard, long and hard.

"The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." Laura Ingalls Wilder

"We’re all fucked and I accept that—but I wake up in the morning and just work harder and harder against that reality—what else is there to do?" - Yvon Chouinard

Friday, November 14, 2014

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

"do you miss me sometimes?", you asked;

i wish not to pity and sympathize you;

but that moment i realize you are a poor poor man.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

You can find on the outside only what you possess on the inside.

Thank you for your apology SMS.

What is our fears that we share together?

let me share mine.

My fear is we are always in this circle, no matter how hard we try, we end up pissing up each other, using too much energy to argue which gets us no where.

I don't know how to put it in a way that you will take it as I am not preaching or teaching you how to live or what to do. All I'm trying to say is I can't live a life where I am afraid every 5 seconds worrying what you are going to say, what old stuff you are going to bring up to punish me and that you are constantly thinking of what to say to get me back, judging me, it will eventually drain us. We will get tired of each other.

W, I'm not someone that remembers everything, even with our fiercest argument, I'll probably apologize (even with a black face) and sincerely move on, not bringing it up evert time , taking it as a lesson learnt, by not repeating the same mistake.

If we are together, normally we just hug it out. Hugging seems to solve things a lot, but it can only solve so much, we have to genuinely admit our mistakes, mean what we say and REALLY move on.

I'm not lecturing you, this is my way to do it and I would tell you whether you accept or do it or not it's entirely up to you. If our ways are very conflicting with each other, we will not last, not in the long run.

At the end of the day, when we find out we have more and more dissimilarities, that is also the time we reconsider if we want to be together.

Sometime I feel very very hopeful for us, sometimes I don't, it's really fluctuates. that's the truth and that's the fear.

My hope is that we can live with each other. In between that and now, we have a lot of REAL talking to do. For now I can only tell you my daily life as how exactly as it right now, everyday.

Until then. 

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Some people say that dreaming gets you nowhere in life. But I say you can't get anywhere in life without dreaming.

in our case, yes - love becomes something that grows, in time and with time. it has to be.

if anything, for now, i like you and i admire you.

I would like to build a home, one with love and passion. The ability to own a house, have kids all are physically possible. a "home" is a different thing. if there's one goal you and i have, ultimately is that, i guess.

you ask me can i build a home with you? i can tell you honestly i can. should it be overtime instill love in it as you said to grow love? or we should love, trust, respect, understand, care for each other first only then take the next step forward? i wonder and no one will have an answer. Can we also just say "let's do it"? :) we dont know.

can you and do you want to build a home with me?

funny thing about you and i, as furious as our fight/conversation hit up, we dont stay mad with each other for long and that gives me hope to go on, everyday.

these are the things im thinking about when we are apart, the possibility of us being together, to shorten the distance.

At time, i am just too forgetful and often make terrible blunder, but i am not making it as an excuse and say it's ok to repeat that. me too living, surviving one day at a time, it scares me, life is as such, a cliche, in the end, it goes on.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Don't allow yourself to be intimidated! There is more than one road to joy.

I'm watching you like a spectator, helplessly. I can offer you nothing in life that she is able to. It makes me wonder about my purpose in this whole journey with you. I say I don't mind, I lie. Coz in the end if I'm not in any part of your sharing however small it maybe, I do actually mind, I do.

Monday, September 22, 2014

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow.

It's like your life only make out of three main components, the more you tell me about them the more I feel detach from your life where we should be the other way around, we should be attach and figure a way out to be together with each other, too often i feel rejected and dont belong in a relationship with you, at all.

this, you do not know.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

you mustn't lose it.

we try to build moment and experience that we can share together, at least i want to, all i remember now are all the pointless arguments and fights.

ok, maybe the time we cook pasta too, that's about all.

it makes me very sad to say that.

Friday, September 19, 2014

You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.

I left early from work, 2 hour early last Friday, just to please you. You specifically ask me to, get off at 4pm, reach between 6pm-7pm, precisely. It takes a bit too long due to rush hour traffic, you even thought I might stop somewhere to have a coffee so that I will reach you right in time, and that I didn't actually get off at four. you don't even call, playing guessing game. I reached at the time you wanted me to, you seem delighted and pleased. I thought I haven't been really listening to you so this time I should. I really want to see you, be with you.

The idea of you slowly in my life, that confirmation freaks me out and that no one actually care enough to stay touches me the most, even you said so. You said you really like me and care about me, you even put a lot of contacts behind, casual one, starting to tell you friend about me in a nice way generally. 

Still we had argument, coz you don't tell me a lot and it seems like you are using me, I'm upset. We walked by the beach, I start to care for you too much and too hard.

I have no say about some choices you made in your past, I feel unfair, I mind, there's nothing I can do about it but somehow give in because I want you here and now, to start to build our moment together, the things that only belong to us and no one else.

I am selfish, I have to admit. From now on, I kinda promise myself to worry less and not give you a hard time anymore, anymore. 

I love you. I begin to.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

After much suffering and torment, I was resurrected large, and pure, and immaculate.

Point #1: Respect your space and time - which includes:-

·         No surprise visit

·         Visiting within time range and specific request

·         No odd hour call

Point #2: design your life

Point #3: find depth, elegant, serenity

Point #4: find peace

Point #5: live your life, live the way you want

Point #6: think big, rise to the occasion

Do you remember the one thing you say you will never take away from anybody – their choices?

You mentioned so many points, I feel I am slowly losing my choices, my freedom, my identity, my thought, my voice. You can argue otherwise that this is how you want them, because you have your way. I understand. I have mine too and whatever way I do thing is always the wrong way, the way that you don’t like, the way that will invade your space, your time.

If you are planning to programme me, sure go ahead, be my guest! I am a human being, just a human being. I can only let you set me a limit too many times.

For last Friday, if I insist stubbornly I want to get off 6pm, I will not be able to see you - but i care and want to see you so much i make the effort, what if there's really time in future that i cant get off, will you be flexible and allow me to come late without feeling upset? without feeling i dont give you YOUR SPACE/ YOUR TIME?

For the 2am call, it’s just something “random” that I feel I want to do.

You can set rules and I can also set mine too. I am hanging on and see how many times I can cope until eventually I cannot take it, explode and go on my way.

I am just a very sensitive, emotional human being. I start to care for you so much it not really funny.

If we cannot figure out how to compromise, it’s very very hard to go on and we will just end up always agitate, annoy each other with nothing great coming out then hate each other. Now that I know “Random”, “Surprises” are not your favourite word in the world.

Please please don’t pretend and do not say anymore “ I can do whatever I want” because you forget to insert – “You can do whatever you want, (but on MY TERM)”.

I can never ever do what I want, at least it is on your term.

I feel you STILL want to maintain the same life you are having but you want a partner that totally MATCH your time, your space, as if the other person time and space do not exist. I am a selfish person too i admit, but i start to think about you. you may say the same thing, but i really don't feel it, instead you make me feel im not worth your time unless i match your time.

You really have a way of bringing my mood down instantly, I was happy, very very happy until you call.

Forgive all my rude & "not nice" comment, that's all the "intelligent" things i have in mind right now.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

you are no less stranger than me, i start to miss you more and more terribly these days, oddly. i even miss the time we fight. in the end, when we see thru sex and appearance, small things will keep us alive, that is what i am trying to say, practicality aside, as much as we want to be together, we cant just say we want to be together, in the end, there must be something there to keep us going. i realise that today. i will never be nice to you for some unknown reasons.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

1. we are not here to give each other hard time. we acknowledge that.

2. it used to be easy to say "we are just talking right", it is beyond that point now - we are NOT just talking.

3. whatever move we make will affect the other person, direct and indirectly. past, present, future.

4. i will still worry. period.

5. i will not stop saying stupid things. period again.

This plan really sucks!

from your "Not buddy buddy"

This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.

I know you may still find it hard to believe I am actually relax and “not tense” or “intense” when I am with you, but this is absolutely true.

I will only find it annoying when you are the one who is contradicting and frequent minded and often ask me to decide, do what I want for my life. Etc.

I may spend awful amount of time indoor but that is not because you did not bring me anywhere, but because I am an indoor person, a couch potato. Im more than happy to whenever we decide to do something together.

So you see, “together” is the key word. Everything loses its meaning if that is not something we decide that we want to do together, even if it’s you want some quiet time and I’m going to class, when we don’t get to spend time this weekend doesn’t mean we growing apart, on the contrary the consensus and understanding on our life and situation just goes to show that our maturity.

Am I making any sense with this?

We are not in each other’s disposal, when we decide to do something is because we both “want to” NOT force to.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

1. im tired. do whatever you please. you are not a child. you don't need anyone to tell you what to do.

2. telling me about her neglected upbringing doesn't change the fact there's still need to be a solution.

3. you already have a practical solution, im not trying to give you a hard time, question is what next?

4. you have nothing to hide from me. just that you and I never share enough.

5. if it's late at night, call, ill still pick up, least you can do write. will you afraid to call your best friend because its late, otherwise try start changing your routine/ habit. call earlier. when someone else is in your life, you compromise if you want to.

6. when people like me make mistakes, it's the worst and life shattering, it takes time for us to forgive ourselves, i don't want to make any mistake, with you, or i should say to minimize mistake because in life mistake is inevitable and the consequences now is a child's life is at stake.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Don't give the people what they want, give them something better.

I storm off within the first 15 minute we see each other; all I hear is blaming, finger pointing, useless whining; start to be like an adult if you really want to talk; I drive off; no turning back; you called; not giving up; because I know staying will not help; you will not even take me seriously if I stayed; I do not give other people shit, do not give me any shit ever; simply put we both need a big slap on our face; just because of one thing; I didn’t take a few hours off; that’s it; too little of a thing to matter; am I or am I not here? I keep asking the same question; hoping that you realize; this is the one moment that matters to the both of us; other than that, nothing else really matters; I drew you a picture on how I envision you and I to be; that’s all that I am asking for.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

No home is complete without affection. You can have all the Picassos in the world or walls made of gold, but without affection it's nothing.





Wednesday, August 20, 2014

I know you can't save every dog. But you can totally try to save the dog that's in front of you.

few things.............

You have the tendency on overreacting on things; way too sensitive than me; say something and then want to unsay something; always think there is something behind something.

You were telling about your indecent past; im curious; I can only be curious because I cant change the past; you just have to have the last words and treat everything as competition; “don’t worry, you are as lonely as I am, although you don’t say anything about it.”

Not everything is about you and me.

Monday, August 18, 2014

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

we argue about the smallest thing; but the reason simply we have not shared our plan and you felt that something has been taken away from you; i guess at the end of the day there's nothing complicated about a relationship; you chose to be together or not; if you do, just suck it up, get on with it; argue; make peace; argue; make peace and don't forget to love each other; otherwise you can always (always!) walk away.

Monday, August 11, 2014

We have failed to recognize our one great asset: time. A conscientious use of it could make us into something quite amazing.


Sunday, August 10, 2014

He who laughs, lasts!

Everyone is selfish, I guess.

What I don't understand is the real reason why you like me. At least you can say I am going after your semi D, a charming mat salleh who is a scientist, a lecturer at a renowned university in Malaysia, make shit loads of money, etc, I have everything to gain with you, right?

What do you get from me? I offer you nothing but emotional roller coaster ride most of the time.

I just want to live my life and be happy. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Wealth is the slave of the wise man and master of the fool.

i used to spend weekends in my little room, little world with books, movies, music, mall strolling, when i have some money i go travel; then i realize one day i should better myself, i have the time and can afford it; i don't need to think about other people; don't exactly have any commitment; to say yes and further my studies wasn't really a hard decision for me; i am a short term person; i live small and well; earning enough to get by monthly; paying 5 insurance prepare to live and grow old alone; i have saving about RM30,000; i just take it as things come.

i admire people with special skill-set/ expertise, like the Japanese baker, open a small bakery with his wife, are they happy? are they making good money? i dont know. all i know is a good life is how you make of it; if one thinks that is good enough then it will be, otherwise one will never be satisfied with what they having.

i dont have dream to do big things and contribute to society or the greater cause of human being; i want to just at least live well as a decent human being.

i think about my studies, work and also you a lot lately; while still living one day at a time; i also think most about what we can do with each other's life or as you put it what can i bring to the table and the possibilities of being together. 

Friday, August 8, 2014

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

sometimes i think you missing the point of me being with you. i told you why i like you and that i want to find out more about you, know you better. is it because the reason doesn't match yours? what are you afraid of? that i cant contribute any good in your life? that you can provide me with a Semi D, a big fat check, a good job/ status and in return you are getting nothing from me?

is there something you see that i don't? what am i missing here? 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it.

"My Father died. Do you have any idea how lonely it is when Parents die?" - i will never know how that feels, now matter how hard i imagine it, not until when it happens. i don't want to act like i understand your pain.

I am doing this because i care. Let's keep being ourselves and be friend, this is what we have been doing for months now.

Can we keep this going without having the feeling that you want to not even try first?


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.

Have patience with me, please; as you would ask me to have patience with you; we really need that for each other; please don't assume that i know your world because i don't at all; just explain to me patiently and i would understand; i will step back; likewise i will do exactly the same.


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.

You told me again you don’t do long distance; it’s just too hard; I cant help but wonder even if I am there; what can I do; how will we go on; we care for each other but that does not mean is enough; there’s just so many things on your plate; I can sit here and wait for you anxiously; feeling so helpless; we are not perfect; we slowly naming each other flaw; what we like and don’t like about each other; we change it in order to go on but that doesn’t really mean we are not  the same person; if anything; we want to be better person to each other; only better and better.

Monday, August 4, 2014

The average person thinks he isn't.

We like and care for each other; there will be time we question what else is there when we think liking and caring for each other are no longer enough.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

We each have all the time there is; our mental and moral status is determined by what we do with it.

this time you are in Italy for real; we skype and you told me a little bit about your trip, your expectation; my expectation; the question should be what is our expectation.

you skype with my niece; i have not seen you smile so happily ever since i know you; i was so happy we did that.

woke up 4 in the morning; thought of you; called; you were having dinner at a really nice place that bears a lot of memories; this might be the last of it; place you grew up in; glad i caught you at the right time; you said i had a thing with you; sex is not the best; somehow rather we click.

time will tell, it always do.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Enthusiasm in our daily work lightens effort and turns even labor into pleasant tasks.

you ask me if you move how many times will i come and see you; not often; definitely not once a week; even once a month is a drag; you have to understand i prioritize things; including you; you say i am the first and last reason you are here; im flattered but i dont believe you; there's so many things; let's just settle it one day at a time, without thinking too way ahead now, shall we?

Friday, August 1, 2014

Seeing anyone do what they do best is beautiful.

you ask me to put ice on my head for 5 min; i swear at that exact moment; i like you and feel that you have grown on me; really; but maybe just for that 5 short minutes. 

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
 with your one wild and precious life?

EVEN during periods when little is changing around you, the line between situations where you are in control and destiny can be unclear. At the moment, however, you are wondering if you've any influence on the events taking place. While it may seem as though you don't, when you look back later, you will realize you did.

                                                                 ~ daily horoscope

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

Do not falter or shrink; But just think out your work, And just work out your think.

the last meeting was really hard for the both of us; although we tried to be as accommodating as possible; then you made me realise; we do not need to be right all the time; we do not even need to be accommodating; that's kind of the whole point; i was feeling upset because i was doing my best; but we do not need to do our best all the time; we are just fine as we are; as it is; everything will be fine; stop being so hard on yourself; just stop.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

The most that we can do is to hope for the best till we know the worst. Of course, we shall make the best of the worse when it comes.

I am thinking about you a lot, to be with you, to start a family with you, to have kids with you, to build a home with you, you said I hate you sometimes but that's not true, you rephrase that I can't stand you, that is right and you said that's almost the same thing, that is hardly the same thing, it's totally different thing, I do not hate you at all, if anything you just drive me mad and that's all. I swear sometimes the thing you said is deliberate because you want to drive me away, but unknowingly all this is just driving me closer to you, unknowingly so.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Aspire, break bounds. Endeavor to be good, and better still, best.

you drop by; took me by surprise; i wanted to walk away; you hold my hand; calm me down so we dont go to bed early; you have a way with me that even you may not aware about and i have to keep you by my side for this way that you have with me like no other.

Friday, July 25, 2014

To know a truth well, one must have fought it out.

you telling me the story; your version; i want to be fair; i have to listen to hers too; for now i can only wish you well; be very very well.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Now is the time to understand more, so we fear less.

if we are more and well educated, why is there more war? my parents time, they are much less educated and yet they understand the meaning of patience and compromise.


Monday, July 21, 2014

When a man thinks he is reading the character of another, he is often unconsciously betraying his own.

You have a way to turn things around and make me feel shitty about myself but in the end i only feel stronger. You said you have no idea what we are doing here, I reply even if I am from the same place as you, there is no guarantee everything will work out, no one can predict the future, why can't you just trust us this once and go on ahead be with me then we see how we go. What is the worse thing that can happen if we give this a shot?

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.

i really have no mood tonight; for a movie; for any conversation; you were telling me about your new business venture; naming it; asking me opinion; I roll my eyes; not in a condescending way; just that for all the things I have to say you have a way to justify it; it is just alright for me; I appreciate the fact that you appreciate my input; just that a lot of things in my mind; you said I am too young to be jaded; I am thinking I am at the exact age to be jaded; I am in between; perhaps you see through things way more; really not tonight; I don’t even want to watch a movie which I normally will not decline; perhaps is the study bit; you keep on asking me; is it something personally? But you know far well better than I; if you don’t even share your story; you actually do not have to right to ask me; friendship should be fair; the way you treat people and the way you want people to treat you; there’s no two ways about it; you praise my clothes and my jeans; keep on talking to a point that I lost track of you and your voice; too long winded; too much talking; everything at this point; just too much; I can’t even imagine that I can actually hate you.

But i do. i really do.


Friday, July 11, 2014

The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.

You don't do long distance; you said it a lot of times; then what are we doing now; so we are not seeing each other; are we open to see other people? We never ask; never say; never discuss about it; we are just taking it as it is; all this while; remember that time I haven't see you for three months; but the emotion that rushing in the moment we see each other; do you remember? You can't lie about things like that; me too don't like long distance relationship; it sucks; I called you three times; you didn't pick up; I guess it that much either you switch your phone to silent and sleep again; or you simply need some quiet alone time; either way I am fine really; i really want to call and say hi; although I am dying to know how your day was; how the open day went; what do you think about my assignment; all these questions I kept it to myself too afraid to ask; I can imagine because you are a guy that annoyed with only the slightest of background noise while we are talking on the phone and all I'm doing is driving; I didn't take it personally seriously; never do and never will; I don't know you a lot but I know that much; you sent me all your weekend plans; I was quite surprise; you normally don't plan long; still I check if it's ok for me to come over; you can only confirm it tomorrow as expected; I am ok although I nearly book the ticket; by now you should know me a bit better what type of person I am; I will be the last to want to bother you and invade your space; I am happy you invite me for a birthday party; you said that's part of how you slowly want to show me your world; then I am confuse; because I say I do not want you to feel obliged or that I am like your liability; but you say I am not that is why you want to bring me; all the last event you didn't bring along a lot of women to this kind of party; afraid people assuming that whoever you are with are your partner; with me you said you are not worry; I have a feeing that if I walk away now; if we say no now and walk out each other's life; you won't care less; you won't even move a muscle; that very idea scares me; then you also say you don't mind to meet the kiddos; at times I'm confuse and wonder what do you exactly look for; is it really me or could it be someone else?

Maybe just maybe on second thought; we are better off staying away from each other's life.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

What I must do is all that concerns me, not what the people think.

you ask why am i so furious every time i talked about him; because i disappointed with myself, i am a failure, i let him drag me on and mess up my life for so long; you say i need to look for interesting people; when you were 20; you don't know what interesting means and you don't even know if you are interesting; it's a bit too late now; nonetheless thanks for the suggestion; when i ask you how do you live with someone? i don't; how can you even tell me to love myself and love my life when you can't even live with someone? i know what i want; i know what i am doing; but if this is just leading us to different direction; i rather you say no now and give this up because to you i don't even matter; that actually hurts, really hurts.

Monday, July 7, 2014

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Many many times when you were telling me how sad and helpless you are, I really hope that I can be there for you, at least to hold you and be with you during those times. I couldn't. Long distance is sucks. It is what it is now until we decide to give it up.

Don't beat yourself up too much about your mum, I know there's a sense of guilt, let's hope she is in a better peaceful place now. Your relationship with your mum was truly a challenging one. You are living now, carrying on with your life. I'm not here to ask you to do nothing and forget her, instead remember her always the best possible way. There's still much you need to do, a lot of things to clean up, to settle, I hope these are not burdens for you but just a mean to live. You gotto do what you gotto do, right? Thank you for your invitation, let's plan it early.

I don't mean to say things and pretend that I know things that you don't, I just want you to know that I am here for you, ok?


Sunday, July 6, 2014

Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.

一个月了。你回来了。直接从机场打电话给我。迫不急待想要见面。还是在车站摆了个大乌龙。见到你真好。你说你早已经知道。只是你不想问。今天你问了。我告诉你我在见着一个人。他会弄你笑吗?你会作弄他吗?他高吗?胖吗?几岁? 为什么问这些问题?为什么要比较?和你有关系吗?你要知道这些都不是只是在我和你身上会发生的。你要知道我和他是认真的吗?已经谈婚论嫁了吗?我说还没有但是我很喜欢他。你应该知道,所以我告诉了你。有分别吗?你问。当然有。我不想伤害任何人。我会知道啊。我不知道我有没有伤害过你。那不重要。那么我们之间什么最重要呢?如果你没有女朋友你会和我在一起吗?当然。可是你连自己的问题都没有办法对我说,那你究竟当我是什么样子的朋友呢?我们磨了8年了。不能这样就说无所谓。我赞同。但是我是懦弱的。你会对我失望吗?我只是对之前伤害你的男人失望,我恨不得打他们出气,我有一股保护你的劲,不想让任何人伤害你,你会原谅我吗?你是我的朋友啊。最后我们也还是就先继续这样吧。有可能你和这个男人也不会有什么结果。我知道你会替我高兴;但我也知道你是自私的;你想将我占为己有;你也很妒忌;但是为何你没有成为我的男人呢?八年了。想想吧。

You really have no idea, no idea at all.