Thursday, January 31, 2013

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.

I guess what I want it's just a word of comfort from u.
Someone to tell me everything will be alright.
Everything will be fine.
I don't know how important such a simple sentence be until now
But what I hear instead was its not my fault. It's not her fault.
As in you just need to clarify it put urself out of the blame.
But u were wrong.
So so wrong.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

The worse thing is he didnt even ask me what is it?
What is the matter?
He then just said i talk to u later as if he is afraid somebody else might hear me but he is ok to talk in the very first place.
I don't trust him anymore.
Not like this I don't.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I say luck is when an opportunity comes along, and you're prepared for it.


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.

People always find excuse to justify themselves;
I guess in my case. It's important for me to know where I stand and where do I go from here;
So I really don't need to wait and be anxious about anything as much as I enjoy ur affection and company;
I guess now I can take it much more easier now much much more.

Monday, January 21, 2013

The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

To tell u the truth. I'm not expecting any reply from you;
To tell me what;
That u love me;
That u wanna be with me;
That I'm a handful silly little girl that have yet to figure out my own life. my own shit;
i cant bear that kind of reply;
It's just that I'm afraid of things;
I don't wanna waste anybody's time. Not yours and definitely not mine;
And as soon as u see a sign coming I quickly run the other way; the opposite way;
I'm scare shitless. I don't know who to ask.Who to tell. Worse thing is I don't even know who you are.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen.

im just gonna say straight whatever in my mind, ok?

i enjoyed our time together, exchanging letters & sex is so good, but there's gotto be more than sex. i dont know about u a lot and i for sure dont know how you feel coz we dont actually talk about them, i remember last time when we chat online we talk even more back then, now we just dont anymore. one thing is i know myself good enough and what i also know is i want to get to know you better and see how this goes in order to confirm there is a feeling we have for each other then for us to explore if there is a possibility for us to be together or to see if we are the someone right for each other, because if we dont know that first, nothing else really matters.

im just not sure if you are also feeling the same or you might not feel the same or you think we are actually already doing something about it, just maybe i dont feel so. i dont want to presume and put pressure to anything, maybe our definition and opinion on things are totally different, thats why i wanna find out.

what is your definition anyway, just to see each other once a week and most of the time when we meet we cant wait but jump on each other to have this amazing love making session, afterwards we might cuddle a little bit, then wash up, have a brief dinner and went on our separate ways. there's no text, no call, no communication thereafter to tell me how you are, to tell me how your day is, whats your plans are, etc. im too coward to make the move afraid that i might freak you out, scare you away as a clingy and sticky person.

i dont know what we are and where we are, ill always remember that first kiss in the sea of people, where i thought that could possibly lead to something, maybe i was wrong or maybe i never ask or maybe im not even the type of girl you like to begin with. i dont want to scare you away. i dont know what it means when you call me baby, sweetie or whatever kind of nick name that i thought people only call each other when they are together and in love, maybe you call everybody that.

for now i can tell you that i cant and i dont want to be another woman that you just sleep with, the emptiness i feel afterwards everytime i met you is very hard to bear.

i really dont know who you are but i know who i am, i miss you and i wanna to be with you. im just not sure what are we actually doing, do you? just be honest with me & share with me how u feel, im a big girl; i can take it. i just need to know the truth, even if this is all just for sex.

your sincerely,

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.

how do you refrain yourself from something you enjoy so much?
that's why ive been so quiet i guess;
you cant say no to me remember?
that's what i like so much about you;
it's like we have this mutual agreement;
being with each other this way;
liking each other; pleasing each other;
the only problem is i never ask, never say;
i created this side of me that stays demand-less in front of you;
which gives me the feeling of unfairness that you didn't feel;
because to you if i want it i should ask for it;
but to me if we both want it we will give it to each other;
no need asking;
no need begging;
no need forcing;
no sympathy;
nothing of that sort;
at least not from me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Strive for excellence, not perfection.

The thing is. I really like u. But I don't know what u think. That what makes me really nervous.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

A Shot at A Silver Lining

Dear Tiffany,

i know you wrote the letter;
the only way you could meet me crazy;
was by doing something crazy yourself;
thank you;
i love you;
i knew it the minute i met you;
im sorry it took so long for me to catch up;
i just got stuck;


Monday, January 14, 2013

When nothing is sure, everything is possible.



Sunday, January 13, 2013

There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.

but i know not any other way to let you know how i feel;
this emptiness and loneliness that left with me everytime you walk out from that door;
like a burn on my skin;
leaving me permanent emotional scar;
i might be able to hide it after a terribly long time;
the fact remains;
i dont know what we are and where we are;
i just have to stop to be the one that gets hurt.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

I stop drinking that shitty stuff the other day
I had black coffee
There's this really nice after taste
I like it like how I like u.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

it was a really nice green lunch;
i was glad you like the place;
my unsure-ness vanished after i see you;
we touching each other how we have longed for so long;
you said things like how the nail polish suit me and how ravishing i was;
you wanted more;
more than just a few hours;
u said we are dating each other but im not sure what is the definition;
if playfully i guess yes;
nothing serious;
you said im a real handful;
i dont know what it means;
i thought im a simple girl;
maybe i am still finding myself;
i am who i am and i hope you like me anyway;
you said that im going to be this sexy, self assured, lovable woman;
im not sure what to say in return;
you wont say for sure what you can and cannot handle;
i just hope you will be able to cope with a stubborn, impatient, silly, unambitious introvert;
why does it matter anyway?
im just interested in interesting people and really really interesting to see where is all this going;
really i do.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.

it's good to see you with all the dramas;
i wont have it any other way;

and you should know too, me like u lots, despite the emo bit; so we reconfirm sunday for lunch;
yes and yes. xxx

Monday, January 7, 2013

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.

its not about winning or losing;
but if i cross this line now means u win right?
thats like the cutest darn thing you ever said to me;
but no, it's not about winning or losing;
it's my feeling for you and you should know that;

i hate it when you explain things and you are right;
this is not about right and wrong;
not anymore;
so this is between you and me for the longest time;
you just easily put it in words;
to me its even simpler;
so this is not sex but this is not a relationship either;
there, you were speechless;
if i have a choice i rather have us some other way;
not like this;
not like this at all.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Walking is man's best medicine.

i don't really miss him that much;
not as much as i thought it would be;
i stay the distance not close enough for him to hurt me;
after-all i am just missing the idea of being with someone.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.

And I wonder am I just another woman u talk about that u sleep with when u talk about thing with another woman that u r sleeping with right now.

Do u miss me as me or do u just miss me for sex?

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Man is happy only as he finds work worth doing -- and does it well.

i think i will miss you;
we spent a night together;
been thru something on the first day of new year;
make us feel a little bit closer;
you will be leaving;
traveling far in a while;
i think i will miss you;
something i should say but have no courage to;
but this is the new year, so i said it.

"i actually missed you last night"; he said, too.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013


feeling oddly fine after all that NY shebang;
started work for new year;
same work different feeling;
staff chatting; no enthusiasm;
staff left; great sense of relief;
ill do better; work harder;
message that came out of the blue;
someone i encounter with a mixture of experiences;
relationship status is in and out still;
not very complicated but also not very simple;
this point of time;
i promise myself;
do better; do more; do whatever that makes me happy;
that will be all.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy 2013!

happiness is the only good.
the time to be happy is now.
the place to be happy is here.
the way to be happy is to make other so.
--Robert Green Ingersoll