Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
你又重新开始写剧本了； 你让我看了开头的6页； “怎么样？”； “我喜欢那个小女孩，我想知道她会怎么样？”； “再过几个星期吧！”； “为什么用这个题目？”； “你现在就想知道整个故事吗？”； 我笑笑； 原来真的和我一点关系都没有； 你起码可以骗我说你想写我； 就好像你会直接对我说：“我知道那天的表演很差劲，但至少你可以赞赞我- 你其实弹得不错”； 我有两秒钟的不知所措；我不知道原来你在意； “其他别的人都会赞你啊”； 我试着掩饰； “但我想听你说”； 我正想....； “现在你不必了”； 你知道你在我心目中永远是最最好的， 就算我不说你应该都可以感受到； 我爱你； 你是最好的！
my mind is awfully tired today; it was 22.36pm; phone rang; 7 minutes; u were away; without me; without telling me; i thought i were invited; i thought im about to be part of u; i thought im going to be important; all this i only thought; as usual; i was wrong; u go on living a life not with me; the questions u asked didn't even really matter; let alone the answer; some images reoccur in my mind over and over; yearning for a comforting voice; telling me what to do, letting me know what is right; instead im stepping in a trap deeper and deeper; still pondering should i let go; am i ready to let go; for the longest time; this decision has been floating in my mind; for the longest of time.
Monday, April 27, 2009
one small miscommunication due to pronunciation; little mistake makes us learn; you want to be proper; you say never again; you say it's still a long way; i sense your frustration; i hope you are making progress; i hope you are slowly achieving your dream; being your little helper doing as best as i can.
有时候放下自己想想； 世界不属于你； 没有了你它还是会转； 太执着何必？ 在车龙里给人打尖； 排着队给人插位； 戏院里人在讲话； 餐厅点错菜； 但是我不会诅咒人； 不会骂脏话； 不会不中指； 我不是在称赞自己有内涵； 我其实也没有比别人好；我承认对外人的包容度比对家人高， 可能是我对我自己疼爱的人比较有要求的关系吧， 不然我还真懒得理你， 但有些事真的是不必动气的； 有时候别人会为你骂人； 有时候自己在心里暗骂 （当然此举于事无补）； 就对自己说只此一次，下不为例。 就这样。
Sunday, April 26, 2009
如 常； 到你家； 每一次总有一种如释重负的感觉； 和你根本谈不上亲昵； 但就是有什么都会对你说； 很自然的； “还是这样，一个人？”； “你也没有为我特别留意过啊”； “我才有呢!”; 我不知道你是真的紧张还是假的紧张； 还是说你其实私底下想把我占为己有； “这个周末要去东海岸玩玩吗？”； 我微笑点头； 我还是分不清楚你是真的还是假的； 而你不可以不知道的是我从来就是如此在意我在你心目中的地位； 很多以前的事你都记得很清楚； 所以你对我的疼惜不可能是假的； 但你对我毫无爱意； 那确是真的； 确确实实是真的。
curiosity always make the worst out of me; that's an accident; the first few lines is an accident, to read the whole 161 pages is not; i said im sorry; that's just unforgivable; what do you want me to do? read the final script again plus my next one and tell me what you think; as usual you are not letting me go easy; you dont seem to see the one big round of circle im trying to get by; i feel such compulsion and you are so obscurely intimidating; nonetheless i already have high expectation on the next one; or maybe on you; or maybe even on me; what say you?
Saturday, April 25, 2009
"what do u think of it?", "readable"; "what do u think of that?", "edible"; that's me, i generally generalize everything, i guess i don't want to upset anyone, perhaps, especially you; but when urge to pay more attention and to voice out more comment, i would; im very selective with words; not anal; just particular; being with you is like taking an "anti-traffic" ride; everything i say; everything i do; you just have your own way to go deliberately against it; as im sitting here people watching; i think of you; even more; "this is not argument, just merely having different opinion, im see things in one way and you see it another, that is all"; i like how you use words in such gentle manner, to bring out your point in a way that sounded so soft and yet making reasonable believable sense, not hush, not rough, a little bit long winded but still in a nice way; like the way you make love; for all i know; i just cant get enough of you and with all that i do; there's no way i can get over you; not now; not yet...........
Friday, April 24, 2009
staring at him from a distance; a successful man; a powerful man; at a later age decided to find his main purpose in life; letting go of all that he has; settle down in a country he barely knows anyone; that takes guts more than anything; talking about things is just so easy until u finally have to do it.
a sensitive and gentle side; a professor that full of words, flowing with ideas and creativity; endless conversations day and night; getting thru to him in a way obvious yet subtle, slow developing a remote relationship, future unknowingly begins.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.
Monday, April 20, 2009
i suppose i can wait;
ive been waiting here long enough anyway;
ive been waiting here all my life;
at least with my life so far;
waiting is a process;
a killing process;
sweet, bitter and suicidal;
"She died of waiting";
that would be my obituary.
已经来过无数次的； 陈旧破烂不堪的这一间简陋咖啡座； 咖啡没有特别的好喝；但就是喜欢它那股旧旧的味道；“黑咖啡两杯”； 年轻的她是老板的女儿；剩下她打点一切；也没有要为店刷新的意思；如果是我我也会将店就这样子保存下来；为我爱的人留下记忆；门上挂着的铃声响起； 你穿着一袭黑色的连身裙走了进来， 黑色的长发；你向我眨了眨眼微笑着；煞是好看； “来了”； “嗯”；“咖啡”； “没糖没奶”； “嗯，全黑象你一样”；你伸一伸舌头让我明白我更爱你的原因；“好久没见你了， 在忙什么？”； “工作还有想你”， 这是我想说的；但从来都不是浪漫肉麻的人；“都在忙工作”； “没有想我？”； 你永远都是这样的坦率直接；我笑笑；“有空要想想我啊”； 走过了大半辈子的人生我没有想过沿途将会错过一些什么； 但如果我没有遇上你终究会觉得人生大概也不过只是如此而已；看着你我就不由自主地傻傻地笑了； 看着你喝着咖啡；然后你“啊”了一声； “嫁给我！”； 你看着杯里面的戒指； 哭了； 亲爱的原谅我爱你。我爱你。
Sunday, April 19, 2009
lately, so many things happened;
in between time;
in between life;
in between love;
in between story that been told and untold;
has my mind not gone mad?
simply feeling uncontaminated?
or should i be feeling less?
to quote a friend's "you are not hard to please but pursue full pleasure";
that i know for a fact, for some time now.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
"how can you be so stupid and naive?"; i was never the brightest kid in school, nor in life, i guess; i learn enough to get pass and live by; 我永远就是那个远远坐在角落不出声； 没有意见的那个小孩；就这样若无其事的单纯着；朋友都笑我说我容易被骗；还有好一些笑我笨的； 但我却实实在在地有一种“我知道自己在做什么”的感觉；可能对别人来说这样的感觉其实并不太对；对于我却感觉特别好；我也不愿受伤害呀；我也不想笨笨的；然而我却只是想活着，真实地去活着，去爱着，去被爱着；我31岁了；没有什么伟大的功绩；我笑笑；我想我成就了自己；无论如何小；还是值得高兴的。
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
with the usual prompt response;
spend a night filled with laughter and feelings;
"how r u?" just a simple question, to me means a lot;
i see and know u r feeling fatigue;
wondering is it cause of work or life?
but then again -
"i dont necessary agree with everything i say";
it starts with happily tired;
then ends with gracefully silly.....
在你家， 我抽烟喝酒，你喝牛奶吃饼干；在说着你的剧本；你不知道我已经偷偷地将它念过了；我觉得还不错只是结局有些悲哀；你说剧本里没有任何你的影子；你没有想反 映谁；所以我也不会是里面的任何一个角色；我还以为......不要紧； 感觉到你和我在一起的自在-亲吻拥抱作爱一切一切竟发生的如此自然不再羞涩；你还是那么可爱、性感、优雅、自在； i guess i have reached the point where nothing is standing in our way including that, yes.....that. so i miss you and cant wait to see u again...soon.
there's so much positive vibes in life, i just have to shout out loud and embrace it. "LIFE, I LOVE YOU!!!" :)
Your horoscope for April 14, 2009
Strength of character will be your partner today, YP. You seem to have an aura whose intensity scares some people and attracts others. Today your force of character could be the cause of some wonderful feelings and emotions for the people close to you. Don't try and hide your own emotions. They are the source of your creativity.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
not everyone willing to spend the rest of their life waiting;
i guess this is not something you will understand;
even after several unsuccessful attempts;
you still can't accept the fact that;
with times come and go;
people will not just stand there at one point to wait;
they move on;
那天看见了好久不见的你； 仿佛只是昨天我们分离； 我走近给了你一个大大的拥抱； “见到你真好什么都能说”； 我们之间的关系已远远超过了需要对彼此客气的阶段； 聊起近况、工作、爱情、人生； 可不是吗？有时候走了远路兜兜转转后依然还是回到了原点； 爱过的； 已不爱的； 经历过的； 都深刻地被记在脑海里；偷偷被埋进心里； 流过又干了的泪不会再掉； 只是要记住全都是值得的；就好。
Saturday, April 11, 2009
“突然间还是有事不能来了”； your message has been deleted； 完全在我意料之中； 完全没有惊喜；完全地无聊； 完全没有回复的意思；完全由他吧；如果一个人能够重复一次又一次的这样做；就算真的在一起也只是会分的； 完全的分- 我相信。
1 missed call; 迫不急待回电3次没被接听； “喂， 你打给我？”； “你怎么没接？”； “我没听到啦”； “讨厌”； 两个又像小孩子似的吵了一阵； 你说你去了一趟国家公园； 我没去过； 以后我们可以一起去； 你驾车；哈！还有你明天会去新加坡； 我下个星期回来要见你； 等我回来- 我等你回来。
Friday, April 10, 2009
a sudden urge to share some quotes on a beautiful Saturday morning.....
Most of you have been where I am tonight. The crash site of unrequited love. You ask yourself, How did I get here? What was it about? Was it her smile? Was it the way she crossed her legs, the turn of her ankle, the poignant vulnerability of her slender wrists? What are these elusive and ephemeral things that ignite passion in the human heart? That's an age-old question. It's perfect food for thought on a bright midsummer's night.
-- Martin Sage and Sybil Adelman, Northern Exposure, The Bumpy Road to Love, 1991
I believe the recipe for happiness to be just enough money to pay the monthly bills you acquire, a little surplus to give you confidence, a little too much work each day, enthusiasm for your work, a substantial share of good health, a couple of real friends and a wife and children to share life's beauty with you.
-- J. Kenfield Morley
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever.
giving people a second chance;
that's what ive been doing;
coz i do believe people deserve another shot;
to other and myself.
“你好吗？转换工作了吗？”； 突其而来的一则短讯都已经把号码删除了； 但是号码很特别我不可能忘记； 他还记得我会转换环境有一点惊讶； “我好啊，你呢？”； “还是很忙很忙”； 他没有什么时候是不忙的这是和他在一起时我的埋怨； “想到你的城市一趟， 你会在吗？”； 可能是公干吧？ 我没有特别兴奋高兴或什么之类的； “如无意外我会在”； “如果你要的话，我们可以见见”； 过去的都过去了你不要的我不会把它捡回来； 抑或这一次你真的是来公干然后不如来到了就见个面； 再说我们也不是什么仇人； 再难过的都过去了； 没有什么大不了的； 所以就说好了让我们再见吧！
Sunday, April 5, 2009
on your trip up north with your family;
i got a missed call from you;
you just want to let me know;
that you are passing by;
how i wish you let me know every single thing you do;
you are just passing by;
merely passing by;
and that i want to let you know too:
love, i am missing you!
“别这样，你知道这样下去我们不会有结果”； “can we try again?”； “对不起，不可以”； “难道你不相信second chance?”； “我只是不想浪费你的时间， 因为你真的不是我喜欢的类型，真的”； “what goes around comes around”; 突然间我想what is that gotto do with anything; 我和他第一次见面毫无火花； 我不认识他； 他也不认识我； 好吧就算是我残酷地不给他再一次机会那么又证明了什么了呢？我是个坏人吗？ 如果你就因为我拒绝了你的要求而一口认定我是某一种人； 对我来说你太太太肤浅了； 跟我做朋友- 你不配！
Thursday, April 2, 2009
"i dont want you to change your life because of me"; "i thought people call that compromise"; "does compromise equal to change?"; "i still do the things i like, but i dont do the thing that you dont like, i guess"; "is that possible?"; i really wonder about it, what about you?
"i guess one can really be happy if they want to"; "how so?"; "well, it's all in ur mind isnt it?"; "how's ur new job?"; "well, bosses are expecting me to do great things with my years of experience, i think i can handle it"; both of us sitting at the lounge drinking something; i saw a couple walking in holding hands; i stare at him, wonder what is his expectation of me and my mind starts drifitng away.....far far away......