Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
promise to see each other once a month;
hoping you will keep it;
guess you will not due to your busy schedule;
what else can i say?
about commitment, do you really care?
i want to make it happen;
you're the one that said you want this badly;
might not be as bad as i want;
im the one who end up putting in all the effort;
im wondering why and what is that suppose to mean;
that am i really into you;
or you just actually care for it less.
接到你的来电； 邀约我前往你这个星期五的演出； 是应该去的因为是时候弥补之前的过失了； 很高兴有这样的机会； 电话中你有一点不自然； “可以和朋友一起来噢”； 可能你不想我误以为这是一个对我特别的邀请； 但是我不想很任何人一起去看你，所以只会一个人来； 有一些事还是不让人知道的好； “我应该不能够在星期五之前抽到时间见见你”； 我有说过要见你吗？ “到时候我也应该不得空应酬你哦，我给你买两杯啤酒，ok?”； 我有说过要你应酬吗？ 你很习惯先把话说在前头； 没有错，是可能会比较好； 但真的有必要吗？ 是你多心了吧？ 因为我真的是没有什么所谓的， 你也不用太在意啦，好吗？
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.
"so, are you seeing anyone?"; "yes i am"; he answered without any hesitation, she was quite shock; "are you sleeping with her?"; and this time to his surprise that she was asking such question so directly; "i know you are, you dont have to say anything"; he wasn't even trying; she knows him well enough to guess it right by his brief silence; that makes him smile to have someone who understands him effortlessly; "is she any good? who is she? do i know her?"; he can so see all this coming; "maybe we should talk about all this some other time"; "are you happy? really really happy?"; she continued with question after question; "no, really, we dont have enough time for all this"; "there will never be a next time, i know it, you dont always want to talk about things like this with me, stop treating me like a kid, im curious, just tell me"; to me, you will always be my kid, you're mine; "well then, will you still sleep with me if i ask?"; being the kid she has always been with him, he chuckled and he knows deep down inside the answer is yes whether with or without someone; she asked him more questions; drinking her orange juice and biting the straw; with a way that only he knows that she is getting nervous; nonetheless; he still loves her, so so crazily loving her...
Monday, February 23, 2009
just when i thought you are no longer part of the system;
some tiny little things generating dots;
start making connection again;
not always making sense;
despite your disconcerting tone;
hope the ranking will change;
the importance of prioritize work, life and me;
wondering does it take time;
if yes, how long?
or is just your problem, mainly?
"how many times we have to go thru this?"; "not many, who's counting, right?"; "we've been thru this way too many times, i actually lost count"; "oh i didnt know you care that much"; "well i do and now dont tell me you dont give a damn"; "why so serious all of the sudden?"; she slowly put her clothes on; "i thought im never going to see you again, not after what happened last time"; "i know you want to see me again"; he slowly pulls her over to him and holding her tight; "are you not angry with me, at all?"; "i do but is there anything i can do about it? i dont think so"; "you couldve called"; "you know me, i dont complain, i dont whine, i dont cry so what am i suppose to do when you pick up the phone?"; "just say hi"; "just say hi? that will do"; "yea, thats all"; "ok, maybe i should try that next time"; "you're not scare, are you?"; "hey, i might be a lot of things but im definitely not a coward."; at least u r braver than me, that i know.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"you know, there's never been once i ask you to do that"; "so now what? you blaming me?"; "no, im not blaming anybody"; "then?"; "i never make a move"; "and you are telling me that im wrong? and you think this is a mistake"; "no, i want to do this, im willing to but you dont seem to understand that i didnt initiate anything and at the end of it you have to realise that i didnt say yes and i can always say no"; "but you didnt say no either"; "so stop acting like im making a mistake"; "i feel really bad"; "you have no reason to, we're both adult and we know what we doing", right?
Monday, February 16, 2009
"the feeling is not mutual";
really thats all;
what else you want;
i thought that is clear enough;
i like spending time with you but i dont like being with you;
men, women, interpretation;
of all these times i have gotten over you;
now you making it sounds like as if im the one who hasnt moved on;
speechless me with two cigarettes;
i find everything between us at the end of the day has turned into a big fucking joke!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
happy that we start over;
you said we keep coming back to each other;
in this 3 months;
i dont deny it;
we going round in the end meet up again;
i dont want you to have the wrong idea about my feeling for you;
i like how we spent time together;
the way it is now;
and i know you do too;
hold my hand, bear with me and make me believe that we can make this work;
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
"so now you know"; "yes, i do"; "i really want this to work, but we cant just say it, we have to make it happen, by doing things"; "yes i know"; "i was really pissed that day and i might have said something hurtful, i am not feeling sorry though"; "i understand, thats why im not defending myself, i know i was wrong"; "why didnt you? i couldve just walked away for all you know"; "but you didnt?"; "i miss you"; "me too, i want this to work as bad as you, if not more, i want you to be here with me, nothing can make me more happier"; and again, we're together again once more, just hoping this time things will work out fine.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
3 times just a kiss goodbye;
that's the sign;
and i get it;
i get ur signal clearly;
there will be no intimate involvement between us;
i dont understand why;
u never say but if thats what u want, i respect ur decision;
im sorry if i seem to complicate matter some times;
i dont mean to;
maybe u r seeing someone;
if u r let me know;
ill be happy for u eventhough im actually feeling sad inside.
"i hope u didnt ask me out for the movie, because u feel bad or sympathetic for me"; "what?"; "i dont know why i say that, i just need to make sure, i guess"; "make sure of what? look, i wont even bother if that's the case, ok? i want to see u, i do"; "really? but you always so busy and it looks like im bothering u"; "yea, didnt i just prove that? i want to see u even if my phone buzzing non-stop all day, i want to see u even if i just get off my e-mail, i want to see u even if its just for 2-3 hours, i want to see u even if we're really rushing all this, i want to see u even if a lot of things ok? ok? what else can i say to make u feel better? why do u feel so insecure?"; "maybe im taking things a bit too personal and reacted over-sensitively, but really i just want u to know i dont need your companion because u feel sorry for me"; "hey, listen to me, ok? of all feelings i might have for you, pity is certainly not one. I have no reason to feel sorry for u and I don't see why u should inspire such a feeling. if u keep saying that i will start feeling sorry for myself seeing u"; i smile for the first time out of all these worries, my silly act; "I see u coz I like seeing you", he hold me tight and said; "and i see you coz i like seeing you too"; "so now we're even"; "yup, so even!"
Monday, February 9, 2009
"you know damn well thats not what i mean"; "then what you mean exactly, tell me"; i sigh; "you going one big round in the end telling me all this doesnt matter, we never matter and not even i matter"; this is the first time i see her screaming, at me, she is really piss, i never thought she cares this much; "look at me, tell me again i dont matter"; "thats not what i mean, im sorry"; "i dont want to hear you say im sorry, that means you feel guilty"; i avoid eye contact with her, she comes to me, kissing me gently on my lips; "look at me, tell me again i dont matter".
Sunday, February 8, 2009
"u know what?"; "what?"; "i want to figure something out"; "what's that?"; "the reason behind u being single and not wanting to have a family"; "that's useless"; "no, i dont think so, coz u never want to tell me, why's that?"; "thats none of your business i guess"; "oh ok, so my theory behind this is pretty simple and typical, i think your last relationship ended badly, or a more daring one - that in fact u r actually a well-hidden gay man"; "what? dont be silly, thats absurd and ridiculuos"; "oh no correct answer, then why wont you just tell me already and put me out of my misery, what r u hiding? wht r u so afraid of?"; i look her in the eyes knowing that the truth is slowly eating me up alive and this is the truth, i love her for all this while, but the other side of me stop me from revealing my true feeling because i know i can't make her happy as much as she makes me happy and i am sick of the idea of failing her. i want her to be happy but not with me.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
"you sound worry, you want to talk about it"; "no, leave me be"; "im just trying to help"; "i know, but in time like this i would be more absent-minded than usual"; "ok"; "it's better to leave me alone"; "it's alright, you can be as absent-minded as you want to be, i dont care and i dont mind, im just gonna sit here with you, silently and quietly"; you turn and smile at me; "i understand"; as there was time when me and you sitting somewhere together, i am just as absent-minded as you are right now, im sure of it; sure of it.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
it's actually not quite what i expected to be;
i havent felt like that for such a long time;
i guess it's not easy just to move on;
not when you actually need to do it;
无聊啊， 出来吧； 再忙再不愿意我还是没有拒绝；从来没有过； 不知道为什么；其实很明显吧； 我不想让你觉得我太紧张你；我不想让你觉得我没有你不行； 真的不想； 你对我没有不一样； 所以我以为我也应该对你一样；你没有说一些我想听的； 没有做一些我想做的； 都没有什么所谓了； 根本没有在意过； 只是想在你心里份量可以再重一些； 你会再关心我一些； 可是你没有给我惊喜过；没有出乎意料过； 就算你真的很清楚很清楚我喜欢和讨厌什么；但这又代表什么呢？
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
thanks for letting me win, i didnt let u win;
thanks for letting me lose, i didnt let u lose, i wanted to beat u which i did, and it wasnt an easy win, it wasnt, at all.
"would you have said yes if i wanted to stay?"; ive always been the shameless type; can never hide my feelings; "i would have tried to say no....."; what if you are actually just being polite? what if you have decided to stop? what if you have no reason, would you still have said no? what if i insist? what if i promise not to do the thing you think i would do? what if i really just wanted to stay for staying sake but not what you really thought? what if i just wanted to stay so the feeling of being with you can linger? what if i just wanted to stay just for that something that you know i want so badly the next morning? what if next time you have to come up with a new set of reasons? so please just be honest and straight forward with me; i will get it; i dont want to guess; or just keep trying and lie, i dont care; by then i should've know that you are not being polite; by then i should be smart enough to stay away, by then whenever it is i really should.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
can we for once just dont talk about what we usually talk about;
can we for once just hold hand and stare at the starlight;
can we for once just sit here silently without a sound;
can we for once just hug each other tight;
can we for once just lay around and do nothing;
can we for once just think and say what we wanted to;
can we for once just kiss and make love;
can we for once just miss each other like we could've;
can we for once just love each other like we would want to;
can we do it for once;
just for once.
"let's just stop it, ok? this is ridiculous"; "no"; "what do you mean no?"; "no, just no"; no.
talk to you last nite;
feel relax and comfortable;
that im really talking to you;
for the very first time;
i like this feeling;
sometimes you just have to put yourself aside;
still you remind me of a lot of things;
not going away easily;
let's go somewhere together;
let's plan something, you say;
i feel happy just knowing that you have such idea;
thats all i need.
两位喝什么？latte; expresso; 侍应生送上饮料； 两个人喝着两杯没有糖的咖啡；没有人潮； 空气中充满了孤单的气味； 爵士音乐在咖啡馆里播放着； 突然间； "你和他还有联络吗？"; 你为什么突然间关心我起来了; "没有，没有联络了"; 其实我们还是在有的没有的时常传短讯； "真的？"; "嗯，真的"; 我不知道我为什么要骗你，但又没有觉得我做得不对, 不是已经说好了吗，说好了你不要再管我的，如果我告诉你我开始有一点儿想念他了；如果我告诉你我好像爱上他了，又会怎样了呢，是你先放弃我的，你不记得了吗？那时候哭着的我你一点都不心疼，所以你现在也不用开始，因为你已经太迟了；太迟了。
Sunday, February 1, 2009
sadness arrived inevitably ;
awkwardness spread all over the place;
you dont seem to notice;
or its just that you dont care;
repetitive argument on like and dislike;
doesnt see any point, seriously;
wrap everything unbearably in a smile with missing hugs and kisses;
questions being asked;
a little happiness filling in;
knowing that you actually care;
knowing that you actually care.
"is it too much for me to ask? is it, really?"; "but why?"; "dont you understand? cant you spend a little more time and try to get what am i trying to say? am i such waste of time not worth any of your while, even for a split second?"; "i dont mean it that way"; "then what? what are you trying to say? i know you want to get rid of me real bad, but can you at least show me a bit more effort?"; "what do you want me to do?"; "just listen, i just need you to listen"........