Tuesday, June 30, 2015

In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.

You say I should ask away, whatever in my mind, but when it reaches those emotions crazy personal questions, you don't have the energy to deal with me, you said you shouldn't have told me then you say you wanted friends to know and to each friends you have different way of telling them, what do you exactly want? i am confuse!

You said you didn't ask me to compresse, nobody ask me to do this and that, of course nobody did, I did it on my own as a friend, because I want to, but when whatever you give is not appreciated and it makes you wonder why you did what you did, basically this friendship has failed you or rather the friend that you once know and you thought you know is not exactly the friend that you know, anymore. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self.

"no one ask you to compress your feeling, no one ask you to do that";

of course no one asked me to, but i do it anyway, because that is how i feel, because that is how i react, i dont need to wait for someone to ask me to do that, especially when that someone is a friend. when people are friends they dont need to ask for anything.

when you say that, it breaks my heart, i didnt want for you to ask me; just like how i didnt ask you if you have sleep with someone else way back when during that time we didnt sleep together, just like how i didnt ask you if you and i have the slightest possibility to be together at all, just like how i didnt ask you if you and your girlfriend will ever be happy together, just like how i didnt ask you a lot of things.

you cant even answer what sort of friend i am to you? am i just someone you hanging out for fun? am i just someone you sleep with and leave the next morning? what kind of place i hold in your heart? i am dear to you? you fancy me? will all that ever be enough? rank my importance from 1 to 10? what would you say?

because if you truly are my friend, you will let me know and you will not afraid that telling me things will break our friendship but will only make it stronger.

because if you truly are my friend, you will do everything you can so that i wont be sad

because if you truly are my friend, you will be less selfish and will not act the way you are acting right now

that if only you truly are my friend.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

We have not been writing to each other for the longest time. Something changes between us, somehow. Tonight you told me everything but it didn't change the fact that something changes between us. The friendship, the love, everything our relationship once had. It's not about the trust, if I don't trust you, I won't be here at all. It's the kind of friend that I don't think you really treat me as, someone that cares enough to listen, to be there. i guess you dont know me well at all, all these years, very disappointing and disheartening. now that i know everything, only now you have breach that trust. i understand what ur gf really goes thru, all these while, i sympathize her, for she has trusted you but i dont know whatever between you guys enough to say anymore, i will just say i admire her truly as a woman, the suffer she has been thru, for you; years of relationship and trust, you blew it!

Two years, now that you finally told me what you have been wanted to say, I don't know why now, I don't know if it matters anymore.

I'm not the kind of friend that yell at you, telling that you did wrong, because you did, I'm sure whoever close friends you told would've already shouted at you the same thing. If you want advice, they probably have already given it to you as I can't offer you any, not something you wanted to hear, because all the things i can say will be so mean, so bad, so harsh.

Your gf had every right to be angry and has been thru for the last two years together with you on this, she is a super human, you owe her beyond anything words can say. The betrayal, the lies, if our relationship cracked, then I can't imagine what is it like for her.

You have no right to say you feel guilt towards your daughter, ur gf is right. Forget and move on with your life, leave the poor woman and her child alone. If you have thought about this today, you would've wear a condom and stop fucking around. What are you thinking? Gosh. Who do you think you are and you think because of your sperm you are entitle to be a father? You never wanted a kid anyway. you have the nerve!!!!!! What makes you so noble now? Because you have spent two years with your so called daughter, because you have develop a bond, a relationship, because you turn your back in the woman you loved for all this? is it worth it? you do not entitle to anything, not qualify to anything, nothing. Bla bla bla. Bullshit. The woman is doing the right thing, protecting her child. i would if im her too, she owes you no explanation, again, i dont know enough.

get on with your life, like you said you would, if this is all meant for you, meant to be, it will come back, if it doesnt then you know very well why.

i only know one side of the story anyway!

Friday, June 26, 2015

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.

he is so right about me.
i am not afraid.
i needed someone to tell me that, out loud.
i needed to hear it.
in my face.

i am just so weak and directionless.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.

it's not a rare occasion; not anymore; he likes the way i dress today; tight black shirt; grey skinny jeans; friend cheated on someone; still bothering me so much; he said you want a full package but you dont want to pay full price; that's why you are getting things half cook, half bake, halfheartedly; i have trust issue; insecurity; so many negative things that i dont know how to name them; unhealthy family; gap between parents; siblings; he faced the same thing; this rendezvous is like our little emotion getaway; we cant do this too many times; it will wear us off; i agree; so until next time. 

Take time to laugh - it is the music of the soul.

i wanted to text you and let you know that:

i miss yo so so bad;

but i did not.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Goodness is a special kind of truth and beauty. It is truth and beauty in human behavior.

It was the right time. 
Last night. 
The need of being around with someone. 
To feel a human touch again.
Even without talking.
You were also thinking about me too;
last night; 23:10; 24062015.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

It is right to be content with what we have, never with what we are.

“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Determine that a thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.

we never really let each other into each other's life in a real way anyway.

this 4 month is so crucial for us to realise things.

then we miss it.

we did.

we do.

we are.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Activity and sadness are incompatible.

that day you chose to take a break from me;
it makes me realise that we have to keep a clean cut;
that i no longer part of your life;
that you have made a decision for me not to involved;
that i am convince that we are no longer together;
that we whatever we do doesnt matter;
no matter how bad we are missing each other;
life happens when you are busy making plan;
that is what is happening right here, right now.



Monday, June 1, 2015

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.

I miss you.
This is the time i need you and we both need each other the most.
Every single day passes without us talking to each other is an absolutely waste of time.
What is there to see?
What is there to think about?
It's either we want or we do not want to be with each other.
The rest we can fix it.
Once we have determined the answer.
And yet we didn't.
We never do.
Never will.
Never be.