Friday, January 30, 2009

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

you force me to make a decision i cant make; you stare out the window; smoking; "am i being too difficult?"; yea maybe a little; "no, im too weak"; "i can walk away"; "i need you"; "you dont, you just miss the idea of being with someone, that someone could be anybody"; "you're wrong"; "then why dont you just say it?"; "i cant, i dont know how"; "just say it"; i walk closer, hold you from the back and smoke your cigarrette; "i just need you to say it, i just want to hear it from you"; "i cant, im sorry"; "dont be sorry, there's nothing to be sorry about"; "stay with me tonight"; "i cant, i dont know how".

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I can't understand it. I can't even understand the people who can understand it.

you're walking way faster ahead of me; you dont even bother to stop and wait for me; i run and run and run; finally catch up with you; "you hate me this much!"; "no, i'm not"; "then say something"; "why cant you make up your mind?"; "and you mad at me just because of that?"; "just because? what do you mean by just because?"; "yes, it's a small matter"; "not to me"; you start to walk fast again, "just fucking stop and listen to me!"; "talk, i can hear you"; "i can't keep up"; "thats it, you're always like this, are you really cant keep up or you just dont even bother to try?"; "why do you have to make it such a big fuss?"; "i can ask you to fuck off and tell you i couldnt care less, but i love you and this is something you will never ever understand"; you walk off......leaving me alone by the roadside, all alone and thats when i realise i love you too.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person.

thing will be alrite, remember?
that was the time seems not far long ago;
suddenly feels so strange;
to say all these words all over again;
with another tone;
totally different mindset;
to decipher life.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The secret of all power is - save your force. If you want high pressure you must choke off waste.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!

she took advantage of him;
stupid fool;
it drags on for 3 years;
easy target;
he just give in to her;
so easily;
so effortlessly;
i wish life can be a little bit forgiving;
and i wish he will not be so hard on himself;
there is light in every negative turning;
he just needs to make a turn around;
my friend, i wish you well;
and may you have the courage to make that turn around.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Happiness arises in a state of peace, not of tumult.

yesterday my horoscope says:

When it comes to romantic relationships, you might find that you are playing more of a game of hide-and-go-seek than a combined effort towards friendship, trust, and honesty. It could be that you are purposely trying to hide as well as you can in order to test the true stamina of your opponent. You might want to consider taking a new approach at this time, one that involves an effort towards connection instead of distancing.

that can only mean one thing;

that i have to be honest and upfront about it;

about him;

about me;

about us;

im not sure what will he think about it;

i guess it wont be something i expected to be;

it will never turn out to be something i wanted it to be;

having said that;

between me and him;

no matter how many times and how long we've been parted;

it all comes back to me whenever we're together;

the feeling just wont go away;

i should really just ask without anymore guessing game going on;

just like how i did it once;

last time.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

We don't get offered crises, they arrive.










Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.

the usual short chat;

this time lasted a little bit longer;

8 minutes or so;

last year wasn't really a good year for him;

in terms of work, he told me;

well, this year is your year, i hope it gets better;

i hope so too;

and i talked a lot more than usual;

i really miss talking to him;

i wanted to ask him when can we see each other again;

with new year new plan;

i guess the one thing remains unchanged;

one thing that not worth mentioning anymore;


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions.

i didn't even ask for an explanation;
it was all bull shit anyway;
he said he was busy during weekdays, to the neck and even over the weekend;
he said he was so busy until he skipped breakfast, lunch and even dinner;
he said people allowed to be busy, no?
of course, of course;
u r busy, everyone is busy;
poor time management, if u ask me;
there's a life to live no matter how busy u r;
saying u r busy doesn't mean u can do whatever u want;
saying u r busy doesn't give u the right to a lot of things;
for example;
saying u r busy doesn't entitle u to not reply just a simple sms, e-mail or call;
just to simply stay in touch;
people find time for people;
nobody can be too busy;
that's what i believe;
if u want something real bad with someone;
u do it with them together;
i don't want to do this all by myself;
i hope he understands that.

u r in a cab, on the way to work; on the way to pick up your mum; on the way to somewhere; what will u do inside the cab? starring out the window? looking out at the traffic jam on the street? day-dreaming? no time to even make a call while u r in the cab?
u r waiting for a train to work; what will u do while u waiting? what will u do after u get on the train? maybe the station is too pack, inside the train there's no space. what if u r walking from the station to your office? u cant afford to lose just a minute to send her a "I Miss You" sms?
u sleep all nite and wake up 3pm in the afternoon, what will u do the moment u wake up? sitting by your bed side not doing anything actually? would grabbing your phone by the bed side table to send a text be too much of an effort?
u r preparing yourself to go out and get something to eat, in between that, would it be too difficult to take out your phone and type "I Miss You", then send it off just to let her know that you're thinking of her?
maybe u dont really think of her that much;
maybe u feel tired if u need to do it so many times;
but you gotto let her know, no matter what u r doing, no matter how busy u r;
u do think of her all the time, especially when people r being far apart;
i could go on;
i guess;
im not trying to be rude or cruel;
all im trying to say is to prove my point:
"people find time for people, nobody can be too busy".

i really dont believe that;
u cant just take a few seconds, or even minutes off your time;
im not that important afterall.

Monday, January 19, 2009

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.

I used to think of all the billions of people in the world, and of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones? The right ones to be my friends, the right one to be my husband. Now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.
-- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, The Quest, 1995

Your equipment DOES NOT affect the quality of your image. The less time and effort you spend worrying about your equipment the more time and effort you can spend creating great images. The right equipment just makes it easier, faster or more convenient for you to get the results you need.
-- Ken Rockwell, Your Camera Does Not Matter, 2005

we haven't spoken for 3 days;
not a call;
not an e-mail;
not even a SMS;
and he said he wants to try long distance relationship;
he really doesn't know what the hell is he dealing with here;
i think;
he has no freakin' idea;
he thought he can just say we do it;
then we do it;
and things will work out by itself;
just like that;
seriously, he can dream on;
coz when he turns around;
im not going to be here anymore;

Sunday, January 18, 2009

You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do.

you don't feel there is no progress between us.
i really don't know what we're doing;
i don't see where we're going with this and how this is going to work in the long run;
im not convinced enough;
who are we kidding, right?
i don't know what should i say anymore;
i don't see anything that you see that this is actually working;
at least not on my side;
i don't want to sound like a broken record and make it looks like everytime i seem to be the only one pointing out things or problem about this, coz from your end everything is ok;
i know you keeping your hopes up high, being optimistic, positive and everything;
im not being negative here, i want things to work, but not like this;
maybe you want to enlighten me, coz i really don't see the point why we are doing what we're doing right now.

像deja vu很多没有解答的疑问;

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Regret for wasted time is more wasted time.

you lying on bed after shower ready to sleep; i haven't undressed; you feel my presence in the dark; "where are you? i can smell your perfume, why are you still dress? what's up?"; "nothing, happy to see you, that's all"; "you sure?"; i move closer to you, touching you arm, holding your hand; "what's up?" you ask again; "i miss you, just not sure whether you miss me too"; "of course i miss you"; "you mean it?; "yes, mean it, every word"; you kiss my lips softly unable for me to avoid; thousand and million of random thoughts running thru my mind; to say or not to say; my hand moves and touches your face, your eye brow, your lips, tracing every line; to say; "are you seeing someone?"; "no, why do you ask?"; "just want to know, i thought you are"; "why?"; "i don't want to waste your time"; "what are you trying to say?"; "is this year going to be the same like the previous year?"; "what?"; "you and me"; silence; "there will never be us, right? so, you dont want any commitment or a relationship ever, or is just that you dont want any commitment or a relationship ever, with me?"; another silence; "i like you, i can't change that but if this is just another day where we spend our happiest time together then parted again with empty thought knowing that you cant be mine, i cant stand to bear it, not anymore"; "can we try again?"; "there is actually nothing for us to try, we haven't even started, can't you see? i dont want to force you to take something that you dont want, you were right, we should just make a clean cut, we should just say goodbye"; "dont cry, please dont cry, this time i really want to, can we try again? start all over?"; silence; "really?"; "yes, i dont know why i did wht i did, im sorry but give me a chance, i want to start now, with you, is it too late?"; "i thought u never ask".
This is the happy ending i want my story to be, what about your story?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Learn to see in another's calamity the ills which you should avoid.

you call;
we chat;
long stories short;
not more than 6 minutes;
still fail to say the 3 words that i should've said;
or wanted to say;
what am i so afraid of?
the unbearable thought of losing you;
i guess;
but did i even own you?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

you dont seem to realise;

the gap is widening;

or maybe;

you just dont seem to care;

being in whatever situation or relation we're in right now;

it's neither close nor comfortable;

just like you've bought something that you dont really need;

but you buy it anyway;

coz it makes you feel better.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The older I get, the more I feel almost beautiful...

tomorrow is the day;
i never thought;
your existence ignites my imagination and creativity;
i don't used to think that is possible;
with you, it does;
and you don't even know it.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.

self-concious, sensitive thinker

你對於自己及四周的環境能夠比一般人控製得更好更徹底。你討厭表面化及膚淺的東西;你寧願獨自一人也不願跟別人閑談,但你跟朋友 的關係卻非常深入,這令你的心境保持和諧安逸。不介意長時間獨自一人,而且絕少會覺得沈悶。
u take control of yourself and the whole environment around u better compared to others. u dislike matter that is surface/ superficial and shallow. u rather be alone on ur own than talking to other. however, the relationship between u and ur friends is very profound, which brings peace to your heart. u dont mind and wont feel bored even be left alone for a long time.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.

Watch the sunrise
Say your goodbyes
Off we go
Some conversation
No contemplation
Hit the road
Car overheats
Jump out of my seat
On the side of the highway baby
Our road is long
Your hold is strong
Please dont ever let go oh no
I know I dont know you
But I want you so bad
Everyone has a secret
But can they keep it
Oh no they cant
Driving fast now
Dont think I know how to go slow
Where you at now
I feel around
There you are
Cool these engines
Calm these jets
I ask you how hot can it get
And as you wipe of beads of sweat
Slowly you say "im not there yet!"

Monday, January 12, 2009

It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.

over years;
i've grown so much on you;
i found myself unconsciously keep coming back to you;
slowly following you trail every step of the way;
taking notes, leaving signs;
without realizing that;
i might be the one;
holding the key;
that may eventually unlock the door to you;
and in return;
you will be the one that grow to love me.

i'm not convinced;
you said you've tried your best;
now it's up to me;
being deliberately stubborn, overly sensitive, highly complex, unwillingly confuse, unreasonably ridiculous doesn't really help;
you don't have the patience to talk me through;
fine, drop it, walk out and leave, that's your last word, every time;
if you are a salesman trying to sell me yourself;
you've failed miserably;
until now i can't seem to find one thing of you that fascinates me;
then when i look at this again;
i realise;
I Fascinate Me.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive.

if i tell you;
i really dont love you;
and i really can't love you;
the way that you love me;
will you forgive me?

Friday, January 9, 2009

Strive for excellence, not perfection.

i dont particularly like whatever brand of perfume that you're wearing;
"did you change your perfume?", i ask you, purposely;
"no", you dont seem to notice my annoyance;
you dont seem to understand the fact that;
i am not attracted to you;
nothing is drawing us closer;
lacking of chemistry;
i dont mind to be left alone, by you;
whatever things you are trying to do, actually dont interest me;
you never in jeans and t-shirt;
you dont drink;
you dont smoke;
not even socially;
you dont tell joke, you dont laugh much;
always have a sort of formality that i can't stand in you;
i can hardly reach a comfortable level being with you;
under such weird atmosphere.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.

咖啡。眼镜。白发。Noodle Soup。车牌。泡泡灯。巧克力。iPod。Converse。Maroon 5。飚车。Yogurt。音乐。电影。汉堡。黑短袖衬衫。牛仔裤。啤酒。628。

"what if it doesn't work?"; "a downright pessimist"; "a realist, rather." thing will not work out the way you wanted to; just because you said so; sometimes, some of the things, require you to work double the effort to achieve; such cliche; "Earn it.", that's all i remember.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

ive came to realise;

the more i go out there;

the more people i meet;

the more i determine that;

i deeply fall for the familiarity of your companionship;

without connection;

all act means nothing;

with you;

there is a connection;

i know it.

a reflection;

like a mirror;

i notice all the things that he's trying to do to me;

are the same with all the things i'm trying to do to you.

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

coz im not one of those people who can be so patient;

coz im not one of those people who is willing to wait;

coz im not one of those people who dont know what they want;

coz im not one of those people who can ignore their own feeling;

coz im not one of those people.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.

the disappointment that lingers in the air;

you hardly take note of;

at times it may seem like i don't care;

i am absolutely on the contrary end here;

you never say anything i wanted to hear;

never a question that warms my heart;

still i have such pleasure pleasing you.

"you sound like some one i know."



Thursday, January 1, 2009

Reality is something you rise above.

so ive been told to move my blog here, SC asked me to actually.
didnt do it, too lazy to move things from my existing site.
then again, it's new year, right? what the heck, right?
besides, the existing site is loading slow like crazy, i think is because i exceed the maximum capacity, thats why?
i dunno, im guessing, coz lately the site is giving me problems with my blog uploading speed.
so i thought, ok, and just so happen, might as well.
now, ive written 2 blogs for 2009....since i want to start one here, so i move the 2 blogs here from my old one.
if u r reading this, thank you, whoever you are.
if there's no one reading, im fine with it too.