Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
there's a sudden urge to write you, just like how i used to write you before, mails that contained all my silly thoughts. i was young, naive and thought i was in love with you then. time moves things and changes people, including our feelings.
you were asking me how old i am last night and can you believe how time flies. i was 28 or 29 when i first met you, now im 34. i might not look like it but definitely feel like it.
i wont denied the feeling that i once felt for you which turning into a different form now that stays between us. i often wonder what it would be like if we really take that step and walk out from each other's life, not being friends. we'll probably be miserable for a while and then life goes on....anyway, we are way passed that point to turn back now after our numerous encounters.
clearly we both know well what have we gotten ourselves into, still i cant helped this emptiness that i feel everytime when i walk out from your front door. i repress my desire to express such feeling to you because im afraid to face the reaction that you could have and would have.
i always over think things, i still do.
you probably couldn't tell, i was extremely thrill and delighted when you asked me to tag along your plan, although i might act cool and casual at that time, so silly i know. all the conversations and the little arguments that we have had only drawing me closer to you somehow and makes me realize this precious relationship that we are having and for me wish to continue to have.
in my head i know there is this barrier between us that we are so scare of crossing, coz i know for a fact that at times we are not being totally honest with each other. both being private, discreet and secretive as we are, or perhaps we just fear of losing if we reveal too much.
at the end of the day, even if i might sound too self protective and selfish, that is just because of one simple reason, which im pretty sure you know clearly as i am what the reason is.
so let's cut the crap and bullshit for you have to admit i am never and will never be your first priority anyway.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
and the moment that you kissed my lips you know i started to feel wonderful;
it feels amazing and damn incredible, i feel sex in your chemicals;
everything still linger on...............
the taste of your kiss;
the heat of your body;
the touch of your hand;
the sound of your voice;
the moist of your perspiration;
the gentleness of your licking;
the sensation of your blowing;
the turn on of your sucking;
the strength of your arms when you hold me;
the wetness on your finger when you touch me;
the sweetness that you taste when you kiss me;
the feeling of your legs wrapping around me;
the warmth i feel whenever you are so close to me;
you make me yearning for more..........
to hold you tight so that i know how you feeling;
to kiss you again so i remember what you taste like;
to tease you again and see how you react;
to touch your face again and feel every single details;
to run my finger over your neatly cut hair;
to move my hand real slow all over your body;
to bite and suck on your neck without leaving a mark;
to do everything you want me to do and more;
to just lie down together with you and hear your breathing;
to just look at you and want you to tell me what you thinking;
to nibble your ear and whisper sweet words to you softly:
"i know, i was with you last night but it feels like it's been so long;
it's good to see you again and i want to see you again, again and again......"
all this and we are not even naked.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
I guess what u didnt know is that I'm afraid.
Afraid of when I turn around u will not be there.
The passionate moment seems to last and linger on and on.
Was it lust? Infatuation? or both?
I'm just too afraid to say or ask.
I'm holding u with all my might.
Fear that u will evaporate and disappear.
The warmth of your body and the moisture of ur lips keep making me wanting more asking more.
Your smile keep me holding on from falling apart.
Your kiss reassure me about everything more than anything else.
Your gentle touch makes me yearning for more.
My desire growing stronger by the second.
If only you can hear my discreet sentimental and sensible side.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.
it rain like shit that day; u insisted to meet at our usual cafe; i saw two empty coffee mug when i arrived; i wasn't late; u smoking and look nervous..........it started.
can i tell you something that would potentially freak you out;
oh wow surprise me;
no im serious;
yea tell me anyway;
r u ready?
ya but r u?
i dont want to play cool or anything i wanna tell you i like you and that i mean it and that i wanna start to see you more and spend time with you what do you say?
so now im suppose to freak out, right?
i love you too.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Saturday, November 10, 2012
i dont know what we are and where we are, but ill always remember that first kiss of ours, where i thought that could lead to something. maybe i was wrong or maybe i just never ask, i dont want to scare you away. i dont know what it means when you call me baby, sweetie or whatever kind of nick name that i thought people only call each other when they are together and in love, im not sure if we are.
i can only tell you that i cant and i dont want to be another woman that you just sleep with.
Friday, November 9, 2012
then i realise;
that could possibly be the best 2 weeks of my entire life;
i wasn't regret the fact that i missed that trip;
i was happier;
i spent that 2 weeks with the someone i care the most about;
learn to enjoy certain things;
let go of certain things;
learn to listen;
learn to love;
most importantly be happy with my life.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take - choose the bolder
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
I think about how there are certain people who come into your life and leave a mark. The ones who are as much a part of you as your own soul. Their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. Just hearing their names pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless. If you had a lifetime to talk, there would still be things left unsaid.
-- Sara Zarr, Sweehearts, 2008
Friday, October 5, 2012
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
maybe they will get divorced and all kind of shit; but fucking who cares? why does it bother you so much? why does it bother you that maybe two people fucking love each other and they want to get married and they want a relationship and they just want to be happy.
it's like you want everybody to think independently but you want everyone to fucking agree with you; why cant you understand that some people just want to be happy.
are you happy? are you?
im fine, im absolutely just fine.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
we sat by the bar; ordered our drinks; 2 beers; i was people looking; checking out people around the bar; you were looking at me; smiling; your hair all tie up tonight that looks nice; i wish i give you the urge to kiss me on my neck and whisper in my ear something sweet and sexy; im still afraid; scare of losing this fight; most of all scare of losing you; but the reason why i never allow you to do that was because i was writing about you, im sure you know that, right?
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
what if everything is just a delusion? illusion?
you were late for 22 minutes;
i sat by the bar in black waiting;
a guy almost took your seat;
that was the kind of impression we've made within the first 15min;
i like you;
you were touching my hand so softly;
look at me you said and you are very pretty;
still shy as i am;
what if everything is just a delusion? illusion?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
we are done and we sitting by the bed side, quietly; finally you said im going away; for how long; i dont know; are you coming back; i dont know; tell me something that you know for sure; but you know what; there is nothing i know for sure just like how i feel so unsure with you but also at the same time being with you is the surest thing ive ever done, touching you feeling you kissing you are the only thing i feel sure about; i know im a big fucking mess myself & you might not want to pick up my crap and be with me; i can see it in your eyes if i ask you would actually say yes.
that's another thing i feel sure about;
perhaps the unsure part is not you but me; just me.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
U told me something I never knew;
That u read my blog all this while;
That my old blog vanished and it's such a shame;
That if I knew that u were following my blog before I would've stopped the posting altogether;
That I know u know me well;
That u did the right thing;
That u made the right move;
Saturday, September 8, 2012
U called; 2212; where r u? What u doing? As usual entertain u with ur shitty luck; I'm out and driving; can u come over? I never say no; not to anything of urs; that u should know; I'm glad I caught u while u r out; did that mean u won't call if I'm in; I wanted to just call and say good night; we ended up with beer supper and chit chat all night; that was like my ideal form to spend a night;with you; that's the truth; I should let u shoot me again; I should really; before I grow any older and fatter, u know?