Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
"sometimes i think you should trust and let go and get the love you get"; a friend told me this and i quote it here; maybe it's because i was never a love-receiving kind of person; maybe i'm being skeptical; maybe it's because of love; maybe im having second thought; me and all my maybes; maybe i will this time; again, just maybe.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
but what do i do when you like me is not enough;
what do i do?
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
watched a movie too, last weekend;
Wong Kar Wai's latest:"My blueberry nights";
very simple love story;
some lines are great;
though some scenes were a bit contrive;
im not a hopeless romantic;
nonetheless, i believe people emerged from countless experience/failure to be a person capable to love;
funny how people always look around and stick with things that they're familiar with, e.g.: the usual cafe, the usual shop, etc;
and yet they get sick of routine.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it
Because gratification of a desire leads to the temporary stilling of the mind and the experience of the peaceful, joyful Self, it's no wonder that we get hooked on thinking that happiness comes from the satisfaction of desires. This is the meaning of the old adage, "Joy is not in things, it is in us."
- Joan Borysenko
I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear
(Kings & Queen)
Director: Arnaud Desplechin
a visit to museum
Ismael: well...ive missed you, my little boy
kid: it's been a long time
Ismael: your mother has asked me to adopt you. do you know about that?
Ismael: ive thought about it and ive decided that it's not a good idea. i came here to tell you that. you're not speaking?
kid: im thinking of ideas
Ismael: you see, your mum and i were so much in love, that i ended up meeting you as well. how old were you? three? four?
kid: i forget
Ismael: since it was true love and you were tiny, i simple adored you and got along with you. as i told you once, one thing that im very proud of in my life is knowing you.
kid: is that true?
Ismael: yes, its true. that's how you and i became an "almost family". i never knew your dad but i think he was a great guy.
Ismael: he gave you a load of things: your name, your face...so you already have a father. ok, he's dead. that's sad. but it was before you were born and it's not easy to mourn a stranger. there's a german poem about a boy whose mother is dead. "your mother's soul lashes out at the sharks before you." that poem always reminds me of you coz i think your dad's soul protects you from sharks. so it wouldnt be a good idea for me to pretend to be your father now. your mother used to say you and i should be friends. but a grown-up and a child shouldn't be friends. i know that when i was little, i didnt like those grown-ups who'd try to charm me or try to establish complicity with me.
kid: what's complicity?
Ismael: complicity is being pals, it's sharing secrets. when i was little, i stole from stores a lot.
kid: you stole from stores?
Ismael: or we'd attack the girls at school. but i didnt want to attack girls or steal from stores with a grown-up. so, pretending to be your friend would be another lie. you shouldnt have to decide whether you like me or not. i dont care. im the grown-up. when i looked after you at times i'd annoy you but at others you'd adore me. i carry you in my heart now, even if you turn into a total bastard or i dont see you for 1279 years. i have to think about you because i enjoy doing it. as a child, you dont have to think about grown-ups or about me. unless you need to.
you see, the past isnt what has vanished. no, it's what belongs to us.
kid: i dont understand
Ismael: what belongs to us now are the memories we both have. it's weird, isnt it? because there's no name for what we share. i looked after you for seven years. a long time. but it's over. ill tell you what bothers me. firstly, you're a introverted little boy. secretive, say. but that's not failing, it's a quality. as a boy, i couldnt manage to speak so i used to stammer.
kid: is that true?
Ismael: yes, it is. as for you, you're just a little reserved. in return, life has given you a rich soul. that way, when you feel lonely, you can retreat to you inner garden to chat with your imagination. i remember your poems in primary school and you're a true poet. but i can imagine it's not always pleasant for you. a secret treasure is a good thing but it musnt become a burden. if it does, i see you locked up on your thoughts, that hurts me and i want to free you. and i wonder what fear or anger makes you flee the world.
Ismael: this is the only advice i have for now: of coz we're always right. but it's always possible that we could be a bit wrong too. being a bit wrong is a very good news! it means you dont have the whole answer. that life will be more exciting and full of surprises that you thought.
Monday, December 7, 2009
What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day
It's noble to want to confess, but if the results are just damage and pain, that's not noble. It's selfish
slight annoyance; people around; not as friendly as expected to be; taking it slow; wandering round town; exploring small wonders; streets; decision; decision; decision; respecting each other; made the right choice; ended up in cosy place; passing cars; crossing streets; holding hands.
day 2: small tour; speaking of cliche; non stop ranting; trying to annoy you even more so; 50 cents beer; conversations weaved in every meal with a twist; random chat on world-photography-women-men-life; just nothing about love-me-and-you; nothing.
day 5: remote tour; quiet day; coffee black and white; baguette butter and jem; chill cold breeze; following around every step of the way; secretly looking around; making sure you are never too far away; closely keeping an eye; on everything that you do.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
and i decided to write about it;
and it feels kinda like extract and concentrate this whole thing of knowing you for 3 years into 6 days 5 nights;
and i like it;
and so now let see what would i write about.
that doesnt make me a loser.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
"you know darn well that's not what im talking about"; "what is it then?"; "you wont understand"; "oh well, enlighten me, will you?"; "i really dont want to do this?"; "do what?"; "get ourselves into an argument"; "no, we're not arguing, we're just merely stating out our different opinion and hopefully come to consensus with it"; "i dont care, just do whatever you want, i dont care"; "yea sure right, do it again, walk away"; and what u dont know is i am walking away for your sake, for the sake of loving you....that you will never know, ever; and its not that you care anyway..