thank you for writing, in a way, your mail to me seems like you throw everything at someone, you are telling them that you are such and such person, i am like this- "I'm angry, sad, and, to be honest, very selfish. As such I'm quite useless and you dont have to deal with me, unless you want to"
it may sounds like you are being fair and giving people a choice but you are not.
then again who am i to say what kind of person you are, you are not here for my cheap advice anyway - you show me that pretty clearly last night over the phone.
you too, have the right to walk away, not letting me deal with you, if you don't want to. everyone has the power to choose and make their own decision. decide who you let in, decide who will hurt you, decide what you can do, that's what life is all about. no one can hurt you unless you let them to, also nothing will change unless you start to.
If you just need someone to just nod whenever you say things, to just say yes and follow whenever you do something, to just take things as it is, to just put up with your shit and expect no effort from you, and that you are such a selfish person and don't expect you to change. i am not that kind of person.
i can share with you quote after quote, saying after saying and hoping that there's some positivity comes out of it. i was once optimistic, i don't think the sun shining out from my backside and that i can make everyone happy, but at least i tried, then if nothing happens, i question myself is it me, and then once i realise it is not even my problem, surely i would have noticed and finally come to my senses that, in this case, there is really nothing much i can do anymore. unless there is something that i don't know and that you need to tell me.
i know i cannot change anybody (and trust me, i dont want to change anybody), but the very least i hope one can sooner or later realise in life, no one like a selfish person coz life is all about give and take, the joy is in the "give", if they can take is a bonus - thats why we are human being, just being human and i am no way near perfect.
i really dont know what else i can say anymore, imagine you are in my position and you are dealing with someone like yourself, how would you handle him? what would you do?
it is a long road, it may take a while and yes it is ok, we can be friends, im just here and life goes on. sooner or later we have to decide what are we going to do. sooner or later and you of all people should know it so.
yes this may not be a mail you expecting, but i rather write you this than write you something that i am not.
take care and be well. life is long and hard, long and hard.
"The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." Laura Ingalls Wilder
"We’re all fucked and I accept that—but I wake up in the morning and just work harder and harder against that reality—what else is there to do?" - Yvon Chouinard