The best things carried to excess are wrong.

In retrospect, if you have done that first, pushing me to the limit, showing me all your true color, belittle me, I would've walked away. 

Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well.

The person who can potentially be “the one” for you is the person who opens your eyes to a new, slightly different reality. He or she will expose you to parts of the world you didn’t know existed. This person will change your life and do so for the positive. He or she will make your life better, a whole lot better.

Throughout our lives, we meet plenty of individuals. Some great, others awful; it’s simply the way it is. But even the awesome people we meet usually aren’t capable of broadening our horizons.

source

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.

i always say bad things about myself and more things to piss you off; because i want you to ditch me first.

Be life long or short, its completeness depends on what it was lived for.

29.3 07:42

 其实我想得到一些什么呢。有个家，孩子，未来，和他吗？

The thing is are you even sure that you are ready to build a home, with someone, you are materially ready, but are you mentally, physically and mentally, because there such erratic behavior that is unreasonable. It drives people away. 

with your life, are you ready to change? Am I ready to change? that's a big question. 

My clinginess, my intrusiveness can you treat it as a way of admiration? Because this will not only be your life, not anymore. 

Our conversation in the evening makes me think long and hard about what I want in life and what do I want to do with my life. 

I can move in right away, get married, start a life, get what I always been wanted, but is this the way I exactly visualize it to be, maybe not, but I'm getting there right? That's an act of unfairness and irresponsible in it still, I can't helped but think. 我们总要为我们的行为决定负上责任啊！

But a feeling of certainties never occur, there will be time when I am kind of sure but much more time I actually didn't feel that way. Every time seeing you only makes me want to see you again and to know you more, to find out more.

我们应该继续着更深入了解彼此吧！和你相处没有很简单而我又不想在这个时候放弃。 

What am I trying to achieve? To be humiliated? To be abandoned? To be made fun of? I still don't know what I like about you, but you are not driving me away at this point, not yet. I want to find out more, I'm still intrigue. 

看着你，你是如此的多虑，缺乏安全感，心机重，大压力，悲伤，哀愁，凌乱，疑心重，不诚实，所有能够形容负面的字眼都能用在你身上，而我在这里是想得到一些什么呢？在你身上想要得到和学习到什么呢？

但你总是也会对我说一样的话，我们彼此卻看不透对方，我们什么都说，但除了性爱，肌肤的接触，我还是觉得我们之间的距离很远很远。

然后到头来会怎样，我们各自回到自己的世界里，毕竟我们只是普通人啊。其实你和我之间到底谁比较坚强和有能耐，是个非常非常有趣的问题。其实你是在找寻一个比你弱还是比你强的人呢？这些都是你自己必须有答案的。

你我没有办法参与彼此之间的过去来了解你我的哀伤，那一道深深的伤痕并不是任何人都可以着手去治疗的，就算如此你我是不是要认真地去深思熟虑一个我们可能共同有希望去创造未来的机会?

其实你想要我告诉你什么呢？这个周末我们在一起度过了，我们的对话决定都是于人无由的，我没有后悔只是觉得我一直在原地踏步，你说要为自己而活但那并不表示你不需要去照顾他人的感受，不是吗？be yourself. 谈何容易呐。

如果我真的在你面前表现出我自己你会对我厌恶吗？但你也要求我对你礼貌地丶轻声地丶温柔地丶那就已经不是我自己了，我又要如何去面对一个不能在你面前做回自己的自己呢？

我想告诉你, 你不能不知道的是；就算我们没有彼此我们也还是会好好的，这是你也其实已经知道的。

那么我其实还能说什么呢？

To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.

I guess the question about why am I still want to do this. you may be right on the boring bit as well.

I've been stubborn, angry and hard all my life, I thought I may need someone soft to neutralize me if I am even in a relationship. Someone that speaks softly, gently to calm me down, little that I know I actually need someone stronger, more stubborn, angrier that calm me down. Opposite attracts in this case is so wrong.

This will be a challenging disaster that I don't want to fail.

To aim at the best and to remain essentially ourselves is one and the same thing.

in the different stages of my life, all the broken non-fruitful relationships aside, there was two times in my life that i feel really down and to the extend that i question the meaning of life with one time almost couldn't find the strength to go on. im not here to ask for pity and sympathy, just merely telling you about me. there was a time in my life when i was really suicidal, after the couple of years of my first long term relationship, im very down, depressed and i keep on spending unnecessarily, the credit card debt is the one thing that stop me thinking about suicide.

then it comes a very depressing time in my work where i literally hate my boss even though i love my job, that last for about two years with the thought  of moving back to my little hometown, but things turn around when i took more control of my work, excel in every way possible where my boss cant have a say, then i end up here until now

my grandma passing away also affect me greatly, it happened in front of my eyes and that wasnt really something you want to remember but you have to and just have to deal with it. i didn't cry, not on the day, not on the funeral, not a single tear drop shed.

The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit for doing them.

i guess i always take a back seat in a relationship, where one should be equally seated in a relationship to make sure things work for both party, it takes two to tango, which i don't get a lot.

most of the guys ive been with either very dominant or always have a commitment issue, couple of them even have successful career but when it comes to relationship dealing, doesn't matter if you do good professionally, to deal with human emotion is something else. in that matter, i think i probably been scarred for live, not to exaggerate.

I used to be a very needy, clingy, sticky kind of person, not the attention seeker type, but at least to know my partner is around and will be around for me. Now I do it a lot less, no constant message, calls, because with the people I be with I end up have to take care of myself and i have been long independent event since. that doesn't mean i don't need anybody, i just become more alone and self dependent, that's all.

i guess i have always been clear with my goal, its to live as happy as i can, i also get pretty lucky with my work in a way but i never really put title and salary first, those thing don't seem too important to me, im happy doing what i do, yes i know i am silly, i should put title and money first, right?

then of course if its possible i want to build a family with someone and have kids; although through the 15 years, along the way i find that goal comes close to almost impossible to achieve with still very little hope left; i even plan to buy a condo and live on my own (once my name is remove from the old property, hope it will happen this June - its been drag on for 10 years, i know, my dad constant nagging didnt help either hope im getting there).

my saving mainly divided into different insurance saving scheme (5 of them) so i will have a bit of money when im old. other than that i give some pocket money to my parents (the sum that i can manage) as a dutiful daughter. i dont make millions bucks, just few thousand a month, but i know i can pull thru a reasonably frugal decent life, im not a flashy big spender, i can control it if i need to. nothing really bothers me much materialistically hence my concept of money is rather elementary, just keeping to the basic need. i don't do anything risky like investment, etc, besides i have no commitment, so its easier.

sometimes is funny, ive been in KL for 15 years and when i look back at whatever i need moving around, sitting inside this small little room in my brother owned apartment, i can probably get about 3 brown boxes and my life basically box it all up inside all these boxes, that's it.i too have my ups and downs in life, maybe not as severe as yours, i wont say i have an unhappy childhood, just more on screw up relationships actually.

one doesn't need a lot to live, i capture simple pleasure in life; it is not very complicated; you need very little to be happy; actually. if you really think about it.

The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for.

Live life in a bleak hole........Is the invitation open to all? That sounds like a club that I should recommend to someone I hate.

B,
no sane person who wants to live a life would take that as either a challenge or an invitation, I surely decline. My life is not perfect but I don't want to be doomed.

Im not here to help you, pls remember that. You gotto help yourself first or nothing will move. Be honest and think for a moment, are you really ready to get involved with someone else and bring a new life to this world with full responsibility when you can barely even get your own shit together? (sorry to be blunt)

I am not here to criticize, but to get the fuck on by asking the right question and to address it honestly is so crucial right here right now.

Otherwise, I fully support you, you are right, you will just live in your own hole, for the rest of your life that looks very bleak.

Life is how you make of it William, it's your own choice to live in a hole, to be happy or damn sad for how ever long of a life that you may have left in front of you. Nobody can help you be happy if you don't start it.

Do you think you can self invite to happiness? I heard the membership is free for life. You just need to grab it now whenever you are ready.

Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.

once we decided to let each other into our lives, the word "alone" will slowly drift away with time although not instantly.

that's why it is so important to let teach other know how we really feel, because if we cant be honest with each other then we have nothing.

"In a relationship, what we cannot talk about does not exist."

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

I know u r 48, nothing interests you much anymore, but it will be more disheartening to know this few weeks, you don't actually enjoyed yourself at all even just a little bit when we were together.

I actually wanted to ask you to go somewhere with me, but you asked me about my birthday first and I told you about Italy and it blew the whole thing out of proportion.

Our conversation never lead us to anywhere, sure you notice, while I understand your frustration, I have mine, I do whatever I can to at least stay wee bit positive if not 100%. But it does get old coz one can only do so much and try that many times before they give up.

The idea of what is there left for us to build is a question really you want to ask yourself first if you are ready to build that something, with that someone. I definitely not that someone, at least I don't feel like I am, plus it's a question too early to ask even if I am.

In retrospect, we probably married and having kid now if we met last year, but what is the point in saying that when that didn't and never will happen?

Seize the day is all I do now, William, your mind is hard for me to grasp. yes eventually it will get old, again it's a mutual understandable choice if we walk away from it, I'm repeating myself with the yes or no thing, but if it needed to be done then it needed to be done, I don't intend to force the black and white thing in, while I'm stop asking the question what we could be and that I just want to know you, our conversation inevitably forces the yes or no question to surface every time.

Night.


One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a bundle of
possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the world --
making the most of one's best.

-- Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878-1969) American Protestant Ministe

Judgement comes from experience, and great judgement comes from bad experience.

i just want you to get to know me better, let me show you my world.

that's all.

i STOP asking what is going to happen, whether or not this will work, what are we suppose to do, whats our decision, whats my decision, because after last weekend, all i want to do is -

let you get to know me.

that's all and THAT IS ALL.

my question now is: does what i want matches with what you want i really really wonder? because you seem so clear on what you want.

does what i want matches with what you want and what if it doesn't? we can't kid ourselves by avoiding the question, if you already have an answer no matter what it is, just share it and let's move on. to be stuck like a broken record doesn't really help anybody.

what do you think?

Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.

saying up to you or to your heart desire really does nothing to me, what does that even mean?

If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

We have this wonderful time together; you have been struggled for weeks with your life; i showed up unannounced; you could've been mad at me ask me to fucking get lost; leave! you didn't; maybe you pity me; maybe you have empathy; i am always scare and i still am, afraid that i might be a burden; afraid that i trouble people; afraid that people are not telling me that i am a burden or trouble; always afraid; always too hard on myself and always unsettling; i am not the talking type; asking type; begging type; if you let me know or even when i sense the slightest annoyance; i will tell myself to back out and let you be; im never good at anything; never.

I dote on his very absence.

you dont really need me and i dont really need you.

Now is the time to understand more, so we fear less.

You thought you were returning the favour; but to me you just take it as revenge and want to get even; because I am messing up with your life; you showed me how merciless and cruel you could be.

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves in order to be like other people.

i thought you were happy to see me at least; you didn't show at all; which means if you don't mean to show it then you shouldve kept everything inside you even afterwards; now after all been said and done you telling me you hated my visit to the guts; i don't know how to react; no response; i take it as it is; inhuman is a very strong word; its upsetting and even disturbing; am i really that bad as a human being; i begin to doubt myself; "are you upset with me or you just want some time alone"; i thought you were at least having a good time; even short one; i was dead wrong; i know clearly the situation between us and the way we deal with each  other's feeling prove to be very very different in any way possible; i would much rather you ask me to go; your endurance mislead me to think that you are ok with it; that everything is alright; but the next day you actually telling me that it is not; its really hard for me to pick myself up again after falling so hard on the ground helplessly.

i am sorry. 

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control. These three alone lead to sovereign power.

If you google "different phase of love", you will get a lot of reference, that i dont need to tell you. im sure as hell it wont take you long to find out the different phase based on your experience.

"why am i being so nice?"; "why am i still entertaining you without feeling piss off at all"? etc, you wonder. i guess because this is the very initial phase where you testing the water, be kind of careful in what you want to say, trying to figure out what one likes, what one dislikes - whether saying certain things is ok? how would the other person react? you stay polite and well mannered coz you kind of like that person, etc etc.

when you were young you have your whole life ahead of you for these different stages, you can afford to take longer time to know someone, etc i dont mean to say we shouldn't still take long time to know someone, which we should, because how can you know someone immediately, right? just like if you interview a candidate within an hour, how can you possibly know he is the best fit for the job, right? you dont; but of course the skill of reading people, observing them within that short period of time give you a rough idea whether you should or should not hire them.

with the different phase of love are the same, now we cut off about 10-20 years time for that process coz we both know how old we are, so we based on our experience, the questions, the emails we wrote, the chat we had to gather information & basically get to know each other better.

of course this is an academic experience, this may even be a social experience: can two people drive each other mad with mails and phone calls without actually start to like each other? you know where im getting at........

i like you, i am not even denying that, i told you over that first phone call i made (still regret it), remember? but you have to admit all these questions of how come i still like you? how come i still talking to you? how come im not piss at you like how the other Caucasian women? how come this? how come that? i think you have a very good idea how come, you just want to hear it from me, smart ass!

then the question of how do we do this together, if you are not realising we are already doing it together, in a way, the emails are real, the chats are real, the meeting also is going to be real, that's as real as you can get, but then what will happen after: say after we meet, we REALLY like each other - will any of us quit jobs? relocate? quit studies? i highly doubt that's gonna happen at this very point in time, because nobody can freaking tell anyway, no one can predict future, so i dont know whats gonna happen, its too soon to tell, stop asking!!!! but if you want to plan and put down the paper to calculate the probability how is this going to fail, please go ahead, im not stopping you! haha.

for all i know we might just quit this coz if we start to think none of this is real then it probably gets a bit easier, or we can just fool ourselves during the meeting that we really dont like each other (or maybe we REALLY will not like each other), and what is the point if you are not buying any of this anyway right - to you no matter what we do, a few more years down everything will fade, no one can survive a relationship, because of your fear in seeing it disappear, because you never been able to build up one that last, etc etc

B, i am just as scare as you if not more, see how easy i quit? i actually called and asked to stop, because i want to already pull the plug before i even go down too deep, i see something good might come out of this but what did i do? i run the other way, the total opposite way. you are whole lot stronger than me, i chicken out! but then i think maybe we deserve it, i mean not to be together but at least to be happy. if doing this makes you and i happy, why should we stop? so now i dont, i carry on and curious to see what might happen.

The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind.

to be brutally honest about it, both of us are treading on delicate ground, on one hand want to do it together but on the other hand poking and prodding to seek reaffirmation, we have to admit, at least i have to admit there is this insecurities that linger as we carefully spread our safety net so we can have something to fall back on.

so what if we really try, go ahead and do it, what the worse that could happen? if we know we are going to be together at least have a good life, isnt that very thought enough to start it all, worth giving it a try? then its really up to us to work on sustaining this very relationship that we are so eagerly start.

i am doing for no other reason to want to keep each other happy; i am happy, i want to be happy, i am very selfish, i know being with you im happy, last weekend prove it at least; are you happy? do you think you will be happy when you with me? are you doing this because you want to do this and not because you want to prove anything to anybody else? we really have to get thru ourselves before we even ready to start all this.

You learn a lot about people when you play games with them.

29.1. 12:15pm. U called in such short notice. I thought u just wanna say bye and send me greetings as usual. U asked to meet. Surprisingly. I agreed to the short lunch meet even with the rush. U thought I only off tomorrow and wanted to call about meet up tonight but you got another appointment and I will head home right after work. Kinda of glad we did this. Then I found out you will be away for 3 weeks. Miss me la. I like that more. You were telling me again about the similarity. But im in denial. I refuse to be link to her. We are nothing alike. At least I don't want to admit. At this point in time I cant share my man, maybe me and you really are special. we toying with naughty idea because you say you will really miss me and I said there's time where we don't see each other even longer but you saying that's last time. This is this time.  U ask me about my meeting. I already postpone one this morning and you tease me. Who you go with. You are in demand. Only now you know. Thats what I fear. I never know about ur fear. We kept on touching n small talking with each other. I pull you aside the last minite. Surprise u with my move. That's one thing I like about you. Being spontaneous. I guess that how I like you to remember me by. Enjoy the three week long break. We'll catch up after because I really can't tell from your eyes who I am to you anymore.

I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection.

It doesn't even seem weird; you keep on wanting me to scream out loud; say what I want out loud; you smile and laugh a lot unusually; you don't used to do that you said you happy to see me; under such weird circumstances; I just can't be happy; I should be the one staying out; not her; definitely not her; please tell her that I'm sorry. 

Choice of attention, to pay attention to this and ignore that, is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer.

Maybe u meet her. Then next time she doesn't need to go to movie. What kind of nonsense logic is that? Have you event thought about how I feel and how she feel? I should be the one to get out. Not her. Can't u see that I think you are doing all this out of a very selfish reason? I need someone to rescue me out of this mess and you are not the one. Not the one. 

Adversity is the state in which man mostly easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free of admirers then.

I told you about the stress I'm facing; you siding them; making no sense; making me hate you; just hate you. 

it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.

That time we travelled together; that was the very last time you had that fast food after very long time; you mention you remember and i was very very surprise. 

Great hopes make great men.

你问我好吗？我向你说着那突其而来的工作压力，早以为自己已经不为所动了，原来还是有一股怒气和冲劲，有些人是不可理喻，我用你造低音吉他为例，你最后也认同，可能是为了省事，亦可能你真的站在我那边，有什么所谓呢？就是要解决问题而已，我什至忘了告诉你我新工作的事，那是后来你打电话给我才说的，妳和他的关系真令我疑惑和畏惧，不应该是我的，你只一直说开心见到我，但我怎能假装无所谓呢？我的怒气，我的冲劲，我的顽固，不应该是这样的，总觉得如果你告诉我你们之间的事就有分晓了，但你就是什么都没说。

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do

I shouldn't ve kissed u. 

Now I miss u.

Thank you for being you who are, even when I wasn't who I should have been.

I wasn't shy or being uncomfortable tonight; I simply back out; knowing that I'm going to miss you and even though I've been wanting to kiss you since we've met; you say you no longer looking for this kind of relationship; you told me you just looking for friends; but I have feelings and it changes; it's so hard to say for sure; how could I; how would I. and then I know it for sure when I kiss you in my car tonight; after the two beers and a vodka tonic. I'm going to miss you a long long time. 

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

If I tell myself hard enough and long enough; Eventually all these seven years' feeling will begin to subside; It will be hidden in a place deep down my heart and then one day; only one day we will slowly talk and laugh about it as if this is someone else's story; I will tell myself hard enough to believe that.

A prudent man will think more important what fate has conceded to him, than what it has denied.

 

Just let me caress you. Because you know in the end. No matter how I struggle and resist. This is exactly what we both wanted.

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.

 原来我没有办法欺骗自己; 七年的感情不能说想忘就忘; 你一早传来问候的讯息试探着; 我当然有时间; 为你我有的是时间; 就答应了你忙完后晚点见; 九点; 闹完后决定中餐; 老地点; 你摸着我的手; 很温柔轻轻地; 我们聊着; 我需要为自己的健康调整饮食; 你给我一些劝告; 而你真忙; 几把低音吉他; 要离开三个礼拜; 和女友还不很稳定; 五月要回老家; 你在交代着似的; 我东张西望; 就只是想见你; 这样单纯而已; 在车里我又哭了; 你说真的是有很多事缠着你虽然很想见我比现在多; 其实你什么也不用说；你问我能够找一个地方吗？你家？因为我们已经不能到你那儿了；我们好像两个顽皮的小孩；但是知道的； 我们已经不能再像以前一样了； 何必呢？ 你还不明白吗？你这样会弄我很难过很难忘记你的？你又怎么能以为我会很容易就忘记你呢? 我也是一样啊； 我无言； 原来七年的感情真的不是想说忘就忘得了的； 你说今年不能再像去年一样来看我；你还说放年假前希望能再见我； 我就被你拖着走； 很不知所措； 我们到底要怎么办呢？那晚就在一条很暗很暗的后巷；在车里；情不自禁的吻了你；再一次地。

Courage is grace under pressure.

 

 

Again and again over and over. I only hear you say. Fuck me. Fuck me. Harder. That's the only time you actually asked for it. I hear it repeat in my head so loud and fuck you so hard.

What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it; boldness has genius, power and magic in it.

我要很坦白的告诉你；如果你的我很想你出自于你所谓的友好关系那你可以不必再说了这样我就不会误会了。

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance

it's like you suddenly realize; whatever that you are longing for, looking for all along; you do not need it anymore; you've made up your mind and it really doesn't matter; so you start to shut everything down; by saying no but still with a warm heart deep down inside.

To be alive, to be able to see, to walk,...it's all a miracle.

suddenly i just do not want to care; it's taking too much; too long; 即使我这三十五年来所赋予的时间和能耐所得到的完美会在我抽了第二百六十七支烟之后完全被糟蹋我还是义无反顾毫不犹疑的坚持着我的决定。你可能会说我自私倔强但我就是这样一个人、一个人。

I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.

不再去读每日星座了；就算是短短的；就只是不想让那短短抑或长长的几句话影响任何事情；这样而已；是的；我就是一个这样没有self control  和 self confidence 的人。

Many of our fears are tissue paper thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.

05012014; 11am to 4pm; 心血来潮驾了车到了那书店；找到了一系列她的书；想着是否要找一间所谓的咖啡馆品咖啡看看书；但何必那么做作呢；自己根本就不是那一类人；就算随便在一间mamak或超旧的kopitiam就能泡足一天了；现在人真是；然后就在一个很幽静的公园的露天小餐厅抽了四根烟；喝了两壶绿茶；看了1/3本书；哭了一会儿；想想来了整整十五年原来从来都没有一个人住过； 不知道是没有这样的机会抑或根本没有给自己这样的机会；从来都不是一个怕一个人的人； 整个下午下来；整个人想东西都比较清晰了；那些爱过的不再爱的脸孔性格都已经消失得远远的；可能是时候为自己做一些事了。

“有些事，只能一个人做。有些关，只能一个人过。有些路啊，只能一个人走。” 取自“目送- 龙应台”

The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.

3 hours in the cafe; conversation moving fast forward; things you should know in long period of time cut short within the few hours; too much information to take in; both age compatible; thought we know well what we want; he did; i didn't; i freak out; i feel the unfairness rushing in; being an emotional cripple with baggage written all over me; he couldn't sense it; he didn't even see what hit him, poor thing; he's into me; im not; case close; the end.

Courage isn't the absence of fear; it's the dealing with it.

03012014; 17:29; 05:10; it's very jam; raining even; you called; you know well you could get stuck in the city center; still you have errand to run; i didnt ask more; im glad you call as always; just happy; you can tell from my voice; you finally say you have to tell me the thing that happened sometimes soon; because you can't stand it anymore; you can't sleep at night; its keeping you up, things that on your mind; i said i can't ask and push any further if you are not willing to tell; you never get used to be calling me so frequent; you need someone to listen; to talk to; if i don't know what happen; i cant help you; let's go have a lot of beers and get drunk; we teased; then you tell me it's your fault; don't say that; it's not anyone's fault; this is the decision you made; everyone has a choice and you decided to do that; maybe way back when your mind is clear and you want to do it where it just feels right; but time and thing get tough, people change and you get shaky along the way; maybe what you need is just some courage, few beers and a friend; you say you miss me out loud; you know i will be here, right?

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

02012014; 19:59; 03:36; another spot checking; 我没有不知所措； 我在想着你电话就响起来了；我不知要说什么来掩饰我的喜悦；新年快乐我说； tell me something new;  but what do you want me to say; that i miss you; i love you; that my life is so miserable without you; but even that is not something new; so; 然后你说只是想听听我的声音也想和我去唱酒；就是那样互相玩笑着；一切就那么自然；没有完全没有变过；但我也在胡乱猜测；因为你在电话的另一头有很急促收线的意味；可能只是因为她吧；but it makes sense, no? 别想太多啦。

If you have the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed

Im on a bus on my way to college; a naked woman get on the bus and sat on somebody’s lap created a scene; then the bus stop and I step out with a guy; we both walk together towards the college and we sign in the registration form.

this is a dream.

忽然之间意识到20-27之间的自己竟然是如此的无知、天真、幼稚、一厢情愿的相信那梦幻般的爱；然后又在27-35之间一次又一次再犯着一直叫自己不要再去犯的错沉溺其中甚至上了瘾；最后转了三个大圆圈才发觉到原来应该做的就是好好一个人；好好爱自己；真的真的答应自己会为自己这样去做。爱。自。己。

im facing my beginning on my own; by myself; just be happy already! already!

happy happy new year!

I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate.  It is, after all, to matter: to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all -- Leo C. Rosten (1908-1977) American Writer

We must find time to stop and thank the people who have made a difference in our lives

7 years of being with you; taught me only to accept unconventional kind of love; i feel happy deep inside with this secretly; cheers to another year of friendship and love.

Happy new year 2014!

I would rather be right and die than be wrong and kill

last day of the year and im still fucking confuse!

原来我内心的忐忑不安不是来自于对你的放不开；而是我那对你放不开之后停顿着而不能大步大步迈向前的窘境；我很自私；我知道这样对别人很不公平；我只能坦白从宽；我不知道会拖到什么时候；i do not want to give you false hope; i rather you slap me in the face and then i will actually feel better.

He is a man of sense who does not grieve for what he has not, but rejoices in what he has.

27122013, 12:03noon. Let her go. The passenger. you heard this song; thought of me; maybe it's time to lemme go.

Know how to ask. There is nothing more difficult for some people, nor for others, easier.

our kind of people will look for our kind of people; it is difficult with the opposite; you speaking a language that i am the only one who understand.

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem--neat, plausible, and wrong.

真的是如此；我们只能约彼此出来在不同的地方吃饭、聊天、喝咖啡、做伴；我们都在互相敷衍着彼此很多很表面的；现在到以后每当我听到任何一首我曾经给过你的歌我都会不由自主地想起你；我怎么能够骗我自己说我不在乎呢？写着写着电话又响起了；是你；你听到了那首歌然后想起了我；就这样；不断地重复着； 这样的我们会很虚假吗？我们会到最后互相讨厌对方吗？请你就算讨厌我也要欺骗我因为我不能想象自己去讨厌你，真的。

Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.

i do realise before you even tell me or say anything; that you have something more; that there is something you are not telling; that we suddenly talk about body fat we need to lose and you asked me to show you my muscle; what is that gotto do with anything; we've been hiding too much; way beyond the point that we dont even know how to tell each other; for reason we need not investigate.

i just miss you, really really miss you.

To live at this time is an inestimable privilege, and a sacred obligation devolves upon you to make right use of your opportunities.

if i follow you too closely; if i get too clingy; if i ever get too much; would you just let me know; or would you just turn away without a word; i might and will never know; nonetheless; i wish you well, have a very merry christmas and happy happy new year together with your love; can you forgive me for being so childish; because i can only love you more and more. 

Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself - and thus make yourself indispensable.

bit and pieces from what i remember; 我们没有见面整整十多天你就几句话轻描淡写的带过了；你只是对我说由于一些很私人很私人的理由不能都对我说；it's been a really stress few days in the beginning; as usual; it gets better now; you dont want to be big; you want to be influencial; you also told me about a new job you kind of dont care about but you will still do it anyway; 你对我说我应知道的你都已经告诉了我你问我你还想知道什么我没有说出来；你要我问什么呢；你叫我怎么启齿呢；都这么多年了；然后我才知道原来她一直以来都知道我的存在；你叫我怎么能够自自然然地面对她呢；为什么你告诉她关于我的而我却什么都不知道呢；这一刻我真的是不知所措无言以对；还能说什么呢；就真的是很单纯的希望我们在一起而已；原来都是可以的；一直以来是我庸人自扰；烦恼自己找；那么我要怨谁去呢；自己想太多；i miss you; give me a kiss; 是那么的真实和肯定；你一定是有你的苦衷所以我真的没有去问；何必呢；见到你就这么开心了；touching you; seeing you; why dont you call if you miss me; you didnt call too; i did; we still arguing; we cant helped it; dont say no to me and i keep on saying no to you; because this is the thing we do; dont you remember? i thought the worst thing that could happened was just you ask me to meet her; i guess im wrong this could be much worse; you said you dont want to lie; dont want to do things behind her back; now you dont need to; you happy this way; everything is out of the way; i dont know what exactly you told her and what she knew; she knows enough you said i just have to believe you until our next problem arises, until then, let us be; until then; your last words: so I see you after Xmas, ok? Yes we will and I want to!

The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.

231213; 1049: 没接到你的电话；10055; 给你回电, 你在驾车；又借了朋友的车；还是在很忙很忙；我已经很习惯了；那我们明天见咯；不是今天吗？没有说好呀；可以今天也可以明天；我就决定了下来了今天吧；心里想见就见吧不用扭扭捏捏的；聊着在那里；几点；去他家还是他驾车；一堆； 只是想今晚快一点过去；因为我不知道能期待什么；我不想要任何惊喜。请你给我零惊喜！

Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven.

Thank you for taking your time out for me; especially in time like this; it makes me feel really really special even though that might not be the case.