Monday, June 12, 2017

Shut your eyes to everything else and do not let yourself be disturbed by people.

we are back to our daily routine after two weeks of close conversation;
the 30min conversation becomes shorter and shorter than we expected;
we had so many things to talk about that need more than 30 minutes;
over the long weekend;
you were sharing that you proud of yourself of the jog;
of the new weird people you met;
of your girl;
the car description of testing and getting;
makes you laugh;
to you i always putting things bluntly;
no filter;
sometimes i make it sound more harsh that it should be;
that is reality to me;
sometimes i think you try to sugarcoat the truth;
just tiny little bit;
fuck around and swinging;
it's the same thing;
to me;
then we go on more;
of your personal stuff;
of feeling;
of emotions;
that we could not spend monger time together;
i have much to share;
places we have been;
experience that we have had;
many beautiful memories;
things that make me sad;
moment that we could've parted;
how i have been mislead to believe that there could be something more for us;
you need the validation;
i did not;
i still hesitate;
reluctant to open up more;
thanks to all my bloody wall;
it does not diminish;
given enough time the wall will be back;
and you need to tear it down again;
i am not sure if you realise;
i wish we have more bad one that will crush us both;
we still often find way to make it better; somehow;
we still holding on to each other; to comfort us both;
talking about impossibility;
do not lose me?
who am i kidding?
we never own each other;
i cant share my hurt; pain; sadness and disappointment;
i just have to lick my own wounds in the end;
no matter what;
how would she feel;
nobody cares;
at least not me;
why should i?
she can run back to you;
i could not;
that is the difference;
there's no right, wrong, black, white;
it is just how it is;
you make a decision;
you go with it;
make it the most;
or suffer;
depends on how you take it;
the closeness;
the intimacy;
the fire;
the passion around us both;
cant be turn off so easily;
do not know what is going on your mind;
in a way we carry out conversation like how we used to;
i wish i can tell more people about you;
as so would you;
because the feeling of being in love and when you feel very happy;
it is just something you wish you can share more.

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