A problem is a chance for you to do your best.

27 October 2013, 8:15. Day 12

We were awake at 3 in the morning because of Moto GP. I'm glad that you able to spend some time with your brother, I understand that you must as you guys don't see each other often, I will feel real bad if you dump all the time and spend it with me, that'd be too overwhelming.

I'm glad you didn't send me off, that'd be the last thing I want you to do if you insisted, I would've said no, I'm not strong or independent, but there's just certain emotional baggage I try not to carry. I want to let go, I want to make it easy to let go. These whole time being with you in Italy doesn't exactly make it any easier, I acted as if I don't care, as if I take things very lightly, jokingly, but trust me this is really hard for me and this is not who I am.

If I get to choose my way to be with you, I will be this clingy little kiddo, cling and stick to you most of the time and you won't be able to breathe, but knowing you all these years I have shape myself into this care free easy going person that you don't seem to be need to worry about, in a way you are wrong and I'm projecting a different me with you, I think I have to, I guess this is the way to go between us, because the fact of the matter is no matter what I do, what I say, you are not mine, never will be and to be brutally blunt with you I can't actually live with that, I can't live with myself with that, that is just too unbearable. That's the reason wrap myself around with this big lie to get over myself, to get over you.

In the train to bologna I sat across a chatty Chinese man from china, he works here for some time now, I don't his company but he seems to concern about my single life more than my parents, that when I guess I freak out, nonetheless, I'm glad he's keeping me company for a while. I can't blame him, I mean each to their own, there's no right and wrong really. Just everyone own thinking, I arrived at bologna at 12noon, right on time and follow the instruction my host gave me I have no problem at all locating her place and she was there expecting me, brief me on couple of house rules then off she goes. So I tidy up and get all the important  belongings inside my small backpack and start my bologna journey, unfortunately it wasn't a great start coz I got pickpocket, but luckily I didn't lost my cell phone, passport and my iPad, plus most importantly I split my money, so I lost around fifty euro, that wasn't pleasant. I was panic for a while but then again thought lucky I didn't lost my passport and all the important stuff. So now I odd to be more careful with my bag. This is so so typical, you won't really care until something happened to you, like now.

Frankly speaking the mood to enjoy bologna longer cut short buy this little incident honestly. All I want to do is just go home and rest after that. Beside the public transport here I don't have much confident to handle, hence i quickly just your around the main square, went up a church and check out a panorama view, where i head straight to the bus station and ask about what bus to go back. Another thing about being in foreign country is the uncertainty and I really hate that feeling. Luckily I have no problem sorting that out after asking a few people who were really kind although some don't actually speak much English.

Then on my way back, I thought of dropping by a Sicilian restaurant the host recommend, alas, it's closes early on Sunday, actually most shops in bologna closes early. Lucky thing I manage to get the bus ticket on the bus coz the usual place that sells ticket eg: newsstand, are all close. One thing I also notice bologna doesn't seem like much of a tourist spot. In the end I can't even find little stall that sells magnet, so I guess there will be no memorabilia from bologna then.

Tough luck for me, no Sicilian food for me, so I do the same trick, drop by a supermarket and buy dinner. The mini market actually sell roasted chicken which im just straight away bought it, no question there. I guess I pretty much done with pizza n pasta for now, hahaha! So here I am, done for the day, resting here in this bologna places, it's very nice, big n spacious. I'll hit the sack early tonight and be prepared for the next six days in Rome with lots and lots of walking.

But to tell you the truth, Italy is really not the same without you. I really miss you!