I get it now. I get it. The things that you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.

as much as we thought we are opening up; we have set a format for us to begin with which will stuck with us until the end; she is back yesterday; of course you will sleep with her; she is yours anyway; i have no right to say anything; we casually talk about weekends; the long weekend; all the buts; all the wall; keeping it going; back in routine again; important for me to know the time; what will you be doing; there's only so many hours; what else is there; there should be more; always more; i have provided you a safe zone to feel vulnerable; i have my doubt and hesitation to be all open up; because sharing it all means i will have nothing to hold on to; when i am all alone; that i need to face all this; in the end; all by myself; anyway.