Sunday, January 8, 2017

Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide.

Saying morning. Asking about plan. As usual. Talked about friend visit. I think you mistakenly thought you can visit. Say yes nevertheless naturally. You said you will go and buy some household stuff. Second date. Decided to come meet at my home.  As a visit. Waited. Shy at first. Keep on doing things. Serving tea. Cleaning table. Getting anxious. You said I am like Maria, a maid. Quite funny. You felt that I'm nervous. You can tell. You relaxed me. Everything was off. Developed fast. Kissing. Hugging. Touching. I ask if you like. You said if i don't i can say stop. I did not say i do not enjoy. That was not what i meant. Definitely sexual attraction. He already kissed me there coz he wanted to. We talk about random stuff. Some sexual some not. His parents. His brother. Watch a violent movie. I feel he is vulnerable but he recovered. He is sharing. I was a little less. We got less shy. I like his straightforwardness. He asked me about some cookies. I shared some. I do not know how will he be exactly. If we get to spend long time together. I barely know him. Hence getting intimate was a risk. Since when nothing is a risk. everything is risky. That is why you do it anyway. Twisting his right arm. I have forgotten his pain. Tea. Snacking. Nuts. Ice cream. Music. Chilling. Relax. Small nap. We both adult. Fair share of experiences. Pains. No surprises. Even though tomorrow he goes away. I asked him his expectations. The usual came out. Just spend time. Never know. He could've slept with me and gone. All for sex. He was married twice. To my surprise. His last sexual encounter. Drunk sex. Rabbit kiss. He told me upfront the time he needed to leave. I prefer. No stickiness. No clinginess. No expectations. I get used to it. I have been training for it. I really have been. I have become independent, without really even asking for it.

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