Thursday, October 27, 2016

We think too much and feel too little.

today is the last day we can talk before she is back; you did not tell me earlier; sometimes i am so unprepared; you forgot about my birthday; you were more upset than i; i am not a priority; what else can i say? both you and i just want to stay home and talk with each other; however much time that we manage to squeeze; i told you about my friend about other stuff; but you wanna know more about mine; which i still reluctant to share; then i ask about her; you hate the idea that both of you being dishonest; as much as she lies; you did too; although technically you are kind of telling the truth; you told her you too slept with someone; she was surprised; maybe she think you wouldn't; and you sense that she did still sleep with that guy; but i wonder why; what is wrong with your relationship with her; sexually; you were telling me about your neighbor; couple that divorce late now at their 50's; liberated; it is not something you aiming to do; at least you are brave enough to ask her about it on how to go on; on what you guys think of the future; if you guys want to continue this; she said she did at first and then after a while she changed her mind; if she was to stick to it; it gives you a reason to go on with me with no bad conscious because she is still doing it too; i feel like it is totally up to her to decide whether we get to go on; that i am just a puppet at the side waiting for further instruction; but i do love you; that i feel sad; that i cry when you were telling me that; you wish you didn't because you did not want to spoil anything for us; i insisted that you do which i prefer; not being with you is bad enough; thank you for the beer; for wishing me happy belated birthday; from afar; this i will not forget; i do not want any gift; or compensation; i just want you; can i say that without hurting anybody? i think at this moment; the answer is no. 

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