Thursday, October 13, 2016

I speak my own sins; I cannot judge another. I have no tongue for it.

you called at 7.25am in the morning; you took me by surprise as i quickly put on my headset and talk with you; we had a brief chat last night; updating about our lives after 2 weeks; unavoidably some sex remarks; even something political simply because that was on the news lately; and this morning; we had longer conversation because you were throwing me hard questions from a book we are reading; that the more you love someone the more you are trying to hide things from them because you do not want to hurt the person you love; but isn't that what a relationship is all about that you can and able to share things with the one you love; then it makes me wonder are we in a real relationship? do we really love each other? or we just building an ideal relationship inside a bubble? and another book that you have thoroughly read thru which indicated the main character had passed away after he committed suicide; i rarely take note on this kind of thing; i just more along with words without giving deep thinking about it; you said i am still cautious; how can i not be; every steps i am taking i take into consideration of how other may feel; in this case you; or maybe her; or maybe me; or maybe all three of us; everyone; because in the end even if i share my thoughts, how i truly feel; will it help? or will it just complicate matters? i have no answer; trust me; if i can i want to share every single thing with you; especially my flaw to let you know that i am such a lousy person; that in return you will not like me anymore and that i will drive you away; as for the wall that i am starting to build again i hope you will break it again in no time, in no time; i am always sorry i did what i did; really i do and i mean it; even though there is nothing i can do about it. 

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