Tuesday, April 26, 2016

What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them.

you insisted that you needed to see me; that is is not goodbye; we set a time and will meet early morning before you head off to the airport; at Starbucks; for 15 minutes;  that is all the time you have for me; i really wonder what can we do with that; i arrived early; as usual; waiting anxiously with my coffee; in from of me whole stacks of paper and i realise i have not been out so early to places for a long time; you were running late; i got more anxious and ask to cancel the meet; i didn't want you to be late; being on time especially to the airport is a pet-peeves for me; i asked if you could cancel the ride; you said yes and you paid the guy; i was stupid enough to believe of course you can cancel as long as you paid the full amount and it was wasted because i offered to send you and you said yes; every single seconds that i was able to squeeze out of you as long as you are with me longer; we will take it; both of us without any objection; it's not the money; it's the precious time; it was a 45 minutes ride; we arrived on time; the thing is i wrote you a letter; a goodbye letter; but i am too weak to just drop everything to let you go; why can't i for once hold on to my own happiness and be this selfish bastard and ignore what other people might think and to just be with you already; i dont care about other people feeling because i just want to be with you; you were happy that we were a little selfish; that we are not Saint; at least i am not and i never will be; we just have to prepare and accept the fact that this hurts that we are allowing now; will blow out of the proportion if one day we really have to be part; 你需要去做好心理准备去面对你在未来所会受的伤害;而且这是一种很重很重的伤害;这是你必须要知道的;到最后你也必须要自己去面对;所有的所有于人无由;要记住;we gave each other long hug and kisses; you gave me a watch; something for me to remember you by if we parted this time; but we did not; hence the watch is a gift for me; forever; and i wanted to give you my ring; i thought that would be too much; so i wrote two letters and slip it in books instead; you do not need to return it back to me; you can keep them; and i gave you instruction which letter to read; in the end you still got it wrong; i do not care so much about that now; we are breaking walls; leading each other to a deeper level of emotions; the kind that you will allow slowly a person to get in; like i decide now we could stay; we feel more free because we want each other so badly; i like you for being clumsy; that is the you i  know; i do not want you any other way anyway; not ever; i love you for who you are; despite the hard circumstances; like the movie say; maybe there's people you love; maybe there's people you marry; in the end; it goes back to the choices that we made; we continue on and miss each other terribly; the distance and time difference didn't tear us apart; it strengthens it; at least for now; i am looking forward to have you in my arms already while you were still in my arms that morning when we parted in the airport.

ich liebe dich, very very much, forever. 

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