Thursday, February 4, 2016

There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.

you reschedule our Starbucks date because you have company function; i understand it and make it easy for you to maneuver; i want you to love me for it; fall for me deeper for it; we decided to meet again and i make time for you; so that we were able to be together longer; a little traffic jam; you arrived still on time; you brought muesli, sandwich, coffee, the usual, plus a little surprise that we often talk about; marshmallow; i wish i could keep you; i cant help to feel there's always a kind of sadness in the air between us; we listening to our music and you compliment it that i have good taste; we had grape, playing; sharing; eating nuts in bed; then you insisted to get up and get me muesli because you say you wanted to; i enjoy the sandwich you bring and you say you like me for that; you always type the word in full and i use abbreviation; we talking about concert; random things; Valentine's Day; being vulnerable; acceptance; rejection; you had a way to say thing that i will never get mad with you; maybe i am bias; maybe when we are together long enough i will start to feel annoy with you; but at this moment i feel none of that; absolutely zero; i ask about your new move; you are this guy that always seek security; hardly change or shake the status quo; because things are often good enough for you; nevertheless still wee bit of insecurity; wanting to demand but chose not to; i feel you are entitle to; but if you feel that you are doing the right thing; i will not ask more and i will give you my full support; you also want to feel you have a place in the society; a somebody; people who look up to you; admire you; like you; i couldn't care less; maybe i do but just with people i close to or in love with; i love you; i fall for you so deep and i dont know which direction i am heading and maybe there is no direction; you will never be mine; i can always hope we continue to meet each other until we dont; until whatever happens; until we really need to say goodbye; you mention him again; for no reason; but somehow he is in your head; i told you i am over him; i told you all what he told me; that all was bullshit and a waste of my time; you told me i did the right thing; you also said as long as i still have emotion it will be hard; it will take time but this too shall pass; i know it; this time is different; this time i am so over it; but somehow with you; it is just always so intense that i am so into you; so much; so deep; so hurtful; so unreal; but it also so so good. i love you, always and always; thank you for making my day once more and i like how you used a bigger mug simply because the mug could fit 3 cups of coffee and that i wanted to drink more; to me these little things count; so count.

No comments: