You don’t want to let go but don’t want to be hurt, either.

but now we are slowly building so much memories; the two minute late argument; the nervousness of being late; getting me coffee; bringing me things from home; optimistic; pessimistic; im still too shy to do everything for you like cooking; we spent approximately six hours in bed just wildly making love and chit chat; we were not even complaining the lack of food where we both rather just stay in bed all day long; we are still at that stage; where i begin to tell you too much; where i am still try to keep that back door somehow at the back of my head; finally you realizing his existence; that i will meet him at the end of the month; half of the stories; half of what ive been thru; the time we broke up; i didn't say exactly why; i started seeing you while i still sort of dating him; i am this unfaithful person; i would if i could; but if you are that guy; i will not be able to find a reason to sleep around simply because you are being you; i fall head over heels for you; deeply; insatiable; we cant just lie down and listen to songs; we tried; it did not work out; every motion; emotion; sweat; pant; have you in it, everything; i hope you dont share the same fear as i; while you were telling me to stay with you i can't but thinking you still have a home to go back to; while i have no one and i dont want to settle and change just to please him; that wont be me; i would marry a photocopy of you in a heart beat and you said you would at least ask me to live with you; these little talks warm my hear instantly; while we having grape; playing throwing around; you told me more about musical; cult and music you like; slowly into your world; as i did with mine; we dont even need a book full with jokes; or even watch porn together; we are just naturally come up with things to do and say; we fit; i am reluctant to think so; but i do feel so; just in denial mode; because afterall; even if i say i love you; even if i do; so what? what will it bring? what does it all mean? though still with wee bit of reservation; i know time will come and it will hurt; but i want you now; right now and i really dont care much about whatever else; i just care about you now; but i am never brave enough; im so hapy you already making plans with me in March; and that you want to already see me again like this next week; to spend more time together; as for me; im too cautious; too too cautious; way too cautious.