Tuesday, January 19, 2016

She scares the hell out of me and calms my soul at the same time. Maybe that’s what love is—a total contradiction that somehow balances out.

the feeling with you is so real is actually frightening; i start to drown myself in you and hated the fact that one day you will leave and forever you will not be mine; no matter how i yell it out from the top of my lung that i need you, i love you, i long for you, i want to be with you; please stay; dont leave me; you told me about other stories how they can fall for someone where they have already a committed relationship; you used to be in awe; ironically this is what happening now; but i know you are a good man; no matter what in the end you will walk away; leaving me there sitting in the corner; sobbing; crying; regretting all this fantastic moments that we have spent together; the things that feel so wrong but also so damn right; i need you but in actual fact you know you dont; you say thing matter-of-factly because you think this is what you feel right here right now; we met each other; all the wait; an office visit surprise; coffee in the middle of the day; sneak a 30 minutes meet in between meetings; the excitement; staying a night together; bought sushi; beer; listening to our songs; we actually have a song; holding each other; ignoring calls; talk about brand loyalty; simplicity; forcing feeling; how we react because we feel for a person and then react that way without that someone pushing us what to do; feeling that should be natural; i even sickly like it when you say me and him broke up the right time and glad that phone call didnt work out; and you say if you were him single & free of commitment you would know what to do with me doubtlessly; but you are not him;  i fall for you in no way i fall for other; i will forever compare; you and him; or any other guy that i may potentially date; how can i give such love to someone and now i dont know whether i will be able to give this to other; someone as you; you were telling me about her; i'm in denial and do not know what i can do with that information; in front of you i dont mind to lose; im too weak to win; in front of you i am just not so strong headed anymore; i give in; i surrender; for you; to you; even if you dont want me to.

"I’m not just falling in love with you. I’m falling into you. You’re an ocean, and I’m falling in, drowning in the depths of who you are. Like you said, it’s scary in a way, but it’s also the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. You are the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced."
— Jasinda Wilder

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