I missed you even when I was with you. That’s been my problem. I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.

you gave me a crazy surprise; 6:15am; coffee; you dont need a reason; really you dont; also you have concern; what if i am not alone; but i was; you will be upset if i am dating; but you dont entitle to that because you are married; you will stil be happy to be with me; the aftershock is severe; even the during-shock; i didnt know how to react; it was so good is bad; i really didnt expect; you are the least on my surprise guest list; simply because you have a married life to keep and manage; we spent such a great time together; talking; wondering; discussing; things that you wont tell friend; about affair; about just sitting there 10 minutes without staring at phone or doing something else; just plain being together; even staring each other; enjoying the moment; you say you are my boyfriend and then i stir up and argue you always say that; "always" is critical during an argument; you have to be precise if this is really always; this one word could hurt a relationship; you are right; i also share with you my lousy surprises; then i am now your somehow girlfriend and your are my somehow boyfriend, somehow. i like that; somehow. i do.

later in the day; we still went on our lunch date; because we want to; because however much time we get to spend together we will opt for that; we talked about my long distance relationship; you suspect that i am one that love my space and dont even mind a long distance relationship because i am just used to being alone; again you are right and i wonder how you can see thru me so quickily; we just knew each other for 3 months; you told me your mum is coming to town; i start to think how much time we can spend together; and also how not so deep of a relationship you had with your mum as i am the same with mine; i like how you just want me to give you a ride so that you can spend even a few more minutes together; i sense that; i notice; the three short months i spent with you is far more better than any of the long relationship that i had which never even come close to bring so much joy; such happiness in such a short time; who would have thought?

let's just stay lying to whoever it is so that we can have such such great time, shall we?