Sunday, August 6, 2017

Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling.

you called a few times; apologize; you had business meeting and you need to socialise; you can't get out of it; although you would really love to see me; we make it to the next day; we saw us at noon; we watched a movie half way; we spent hours in bed; we went out for a late lunch then coffee; chit chat about "i dont mind"; a phrase you said too much; i notice; i point it out; what do you do mind: there are things; then you realise; me too; i said some other thing; like it is ok; we talk about everything and nothing; you do not want to give a shit sometimes; live your life; like "into the wild' type; everyone has obligation; in the end; that is life; then we bought a bottle of white wine; head home; fool around more; finish the movie; then we chit chat and had wine; went out for a short Chinese dinner; again talk about everything and nothing; we head back; chill out for a little more while; dog barking; rain falling; making noise whole night; you end up sleeping on the couch; i was happy; i did not want to care so much until you think i am into you when in fact i am already too into you; i know it will lead to no result, nevertheless; crazy how i heard the barking also all night; which i normally don't; i was awake at 6; i saw you sleeping outside; i wanted to care; fear of waking you; i saw you curl up on the sofa; i left it for another 90 mins; gently open my door again at 730; i saw you smile at me; you sweat a lot; i was embarrassed that my home is too small; that you feel hot; that the noise around you couldn't let you sleep and that i did not sleep together with you in the living room; we spent a little more time together; every seconds counts when i am able to spend with you; you brought me to a place for good croissant; good toast; good coffee; you asked me about my past relationship; i was strong; i know what i want; i was head strong; stubborn; dislike confrontation; yet want to solve problem; you are a guy that wants to talk about it now; you are a "this moment" kind of guy; no past; no future; just present; i talked about long distance too; i will have no doubt i would like to spend more time with you; you said you are lucky that you know me; now i am important to you; this is not the time i hear of it; things may change in a month time; moving around; different places; may start to do new visiting over the weekend; you may meet someone new; anything could happen; you said everyone needs someone; i said it is not easy; i have tried and i am also fine as how i am; i can get he words out to tell you that i miss you so; i am stuck in another useless circumstances; while we are saying we are having thing no string attached arrangement; whatever we are doing and sharing; has started us to build a line of string; invisibly - subtly and quietly; tell me again and again: "you turn me crazy, endlessly".

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