Do something instead of killing time, because time is killing you.

i don't think the sex that we have is better than before; but you said so; im selfish; i begin to be; i no longer feel like i need to please you; i feel pathetic about it sometimes; that you can touch yourself when i am not around; but you cant even come when you did it with me; and that you often hard to get hard; what is the reason behind that? i know it's not all about me; but i want to make it about me; i am just a selfish prick; am i still turning you on? am i still hot enough? all that lousy self fulfilling questions; i also asked you what you "really" think of me; you kind of gave me a vague answer and as you said i treat you like a stranger as you did; again you are going away for a month; i will not miss you at all this time; surprisingly; i have him on my mind; and i will not miss him as well; i dig a hole to jump in; occupy my day fully with things; so i get less anxious and restless; you were talking about an old rude driver; but what can you do; nothing; he wont change; and you don't care what really happens to him; maybe his wife is dead; maybe he is born this way; no excuse you said; i am not average at all; but what does that mean? why no men love me if i am so? just because i am so; you are not the first one that said that; but whoever say it they are all taken or occupied and leave me no room to be with them; i feel rejected; i get hurt and yet i let it happen; such a self torture mechanism so that i feel alive; so that i know i exist in a very very sickening wrong way.