I admire people who have the ability to touch you and still be thousands of miles from your presence.

we video chat; it slipped out; we talked a little about the book; you said you will not let me go; you wish you can change the name to yours so you can become my Willem to the Jude; i didnt wanted to at first; but you kept staring at me; until i realise i should; finally i told you about the stupid surprise; you were happy that i thought about it that i wanted to see you; you said we will meet again; this year; i am not very optimistic; but i carry on; longing for you like i always have; i even told you i wanted to meet you even without the sex; it only shows now you mean more important to me physically; my love for your transpire into something else; something deeper; more serious; harder to let go of;  i masturbated hard for you; again and again last night; wanting you; this love; this feeling; this desire; i dont care about anyone else but you; you said i am amazing beautiful for you, and that im a different beautiful to the models in newspaper; much more deeper; you could believe i have fall for you; as i also cannot believe it myself; this attraction; this chemistry that lingers on; for a year now; what have we done; i hope this damage only belong to the two of us; i do not want to give it to anyone else; even if it hurts real bad; if this mean i get to be with you; i will bear every single second of it; no matter what; until the end; or until you say to stop so; until then.

i love you;

so much;

so deep;

always.