Wednesday, July 27, 2016

You always admire what you really don’t understand.

I waited for the whole day for us to talk. You got home after your game, i was anxiously waiting, you know it. But still just casually talk to me about your day. I guess that's why i love you so much. Because there's so many things we both know and have mutual understanding without needing to say anything. like how i will never ask you if you love your wife. like how i will never put you in a situation where you need to choose and compare. i know i don't entitle to that privilege, i have missed my chance 25 years ago.
You are sad if not as sad as me, seeing me crying hard, you were telling me this is hard for you too, knowing that you can't marry me and that we can't be together. I believe that.
I feel so tiring these days. Thinking about us having a clean cut but also want to keep a back door, we promise to sleep on it, we did.
What will happen now?
Can i still flirt with you?
Can we still talk about things how we normally talk about?
Will you still be important to me 5 years down the road? 
I feel you would and it would be silly if we choose to let us go for good, last night.

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