We are our choices.

we got back to our usual routine; greeting in the morning; during lunch then one more time after work; i sent you a voice note about going back to yoga; you were online then and you replied me you are going to skip your gym; taking it easy; you said you wanted to video call; i rush home after class; called you twice; no pick up; afraid that you are talking to her; then you called back; we just talked about work; how was our day; the usual stuff; you about sorting out some details that someone wanted to show to your boss; i was complaining about slowness at work; people to match my pace; maybe i should take it easy; we both learning new language which was kind of fun to talk about; after we said good night i feel the heat of you linger and i did the inevitable; i texted you which you have did the same; you called me early in the morning; i wonder was it because of that or you did really want to see me; after all this time we somehow still feel shy with each other; but it also feels so very good; i wanted to be close to you; be part of you; your life somehow; when you tell me you can never feel the same with other woman; not even with her; i feel a little proud and also sad because meeting you was never meant to be this way; for you to split your love; for you to lie and for you to emotionally betray her; i am stuck but i am also addicted; to you; now we can no longer let go; because you say you do not want to say another goodbye anymore.

i started to make you heart, again.

i really love you, N.