Thursday, July 14, 2016

The beauty of things must be…that they end.

Hi N. 

Do you know how do i really feel? I feel this constant happiness and sadness whenever i think of you and us. All the memories that we have had that make me crave for more and also sad that we can't have it anymore. I sometimes put up a little wall again to force myself into believing that we both will be fine, life will go on without you but it is not as easy anymore as you have been part of my life, even just for a short 9 months. To be honest the wall is long gone, i just find myself being incredibly easy and comfortable around you. We have our own opinion and thought yet we make room for each other to be together in a good way. Perhaps we will encounter hard time, argument, fight, disagreement if we stay with each other and we will both fight hard i believe.... The funny thing is i am not worry about that at all, honestly, even when that really happen i truly believe i want to make things work with you and i positively think we will get thru things, our way. People say opposite attracts, while i find that we are a lot of things alike but also has our differences to still be together, it amazes me, really. I know the clean cut thing is something i put up so i may be able to get thru things easier, but i dont want to lose you. But it will not be easy.  We will never be able to be with each other again intimately physically, we spoke before,  also we can't be the type sitting in starbucks and talk for three hours without kissing and hugging. We may not have sex but i will still kiss you, hug you, feel you if i ever get to see you again, as a really good friend. We are that kind of relationship. you are not them, you are mine. you can't be and won't be them, it's not the same, you are you, you are different and special to me. I don't want to take away from you anything. But to know that we walk away from each other for good is a stupid idea... But to Not share with you how i feel, to not be able to make fun, joke with you, to not be able to say i miss you, i like you, i love you is also kind of stupid.

Maybe with time and distance it will happen, things will get easier eventually because we both have our lives to live separately. I want you to be happy, have a great life with your family, do all the things and achieve things you wish in life.  Maybe we contact less and in the end feel less and less. A lot of maybe but no answer. I guess in the end, time will tell. For now we keep the hearts going. I don't think i can keep silent to not talk to you knowing that you are there. 

I will forever miss news that you tell me, your coffee, your muesli, a lot of little little things but most of all..... You.

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