Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

you are back from your long trip; your usual away trip; you said every time when you are back you will call me first; i am touch; you are still a dear friend; we sitting there; first night; having beers; updating each other you about the trip; me about my life and the man i created; i asked if you met someone; you said no; you normally do; maybe you lying; maybe you were telling the truth; i dont know and i dont know what to believe anymore; i still care but just not so much anymore; you and her still didn't change; she is pretending nothing happen; you letting it be; i cant; i am not the type that can go on living a life pretending that nothing happen; we happened; us happened; for eight years and its kind of a big deal; so i think you will not understand completely how i feel and again made the decision to do this; de javu all over again; then second night; we bought beer this time; had it at your place; you said you read the letter; i was not surprise; because you supposed to; but you just take it as another time; that everything is going to be the same; you thought you can just walk back into my life as usual; hold me; kiss me; make love to me and then i walk away feeling empty; not this time; i have another him in my life this time; i stated pretty clearly in my letter; that is why everything feel different; even the tone in my letter seems different; i sound tired; perhaps more insisted and determined; perhaps i am tired; worn down; it has been 8 years, dont you? you are not; you still want it to go on; "you are my beautiful addiction"; you said; you kept saying you want me; you want to make love to me; i dont feel it anymore; not like i used to; even the way you touch me and kiss me didn't seem to attract me anymore; it feels robotic and dry; there's no love; not the real genuine type; the type that you feel passionate about; i do not feel interested; maybe it's because of me; maybe it's him; maybe finally i figure out this stop has to be it; maybe it's a lot of things; maybe it's the eight years effect, it just seem like yesterday we know each other; you didnt age at all; but i am not feeling the same; not at all; not anymore.

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