Wednesday, December 2, 2015

This reminds me of when we were young

Because you will be going,  i won't;

i see you from far; my heart skips a bit; slowly i realise we are going to run out of things to say; it will leave us with just only sex; i had a really good time again; you told me we have 2 weeks to spend every night together; when i ask you if you want to; you said yes, that's all i want to hear; i do not want to know anything about her at all; that is something i haven't told you; that i dont want you to mention anything of her in front of me anymore; i am selfish; i am greedy; you asked me a question about asking for sex verbally; i say i will do it via gesture; you said you afraid of rejection and i said i accept it gracefully; but then i never ask the question, hence no rejection; you laugh at me; it's true, i forget since when i stop to ask question to minimize the hurt; to minimize the rejection; only to people that truly matter i am willing to do it; you did it by inviting me for coffee but i insisted in meeting at another place; but you thought it was better that we didn't do it; and then you made a mistake; went to a wrong place; miscommunication; misread of message; something for us to laugh about again; i made it on time nonetheless; i dont want you to go thru much trouble; i dont think i am worth it; you asked me if i will ask you to have sex; i say i won't; you asked why; i said simply because of our circumstances; if you are single; i dont know; i still probably won't anyway; who knows? the problem between you and her should not make it an excuse; you still have a shot; the more you say you like me the more i feel afraid and attach; i dont want to long for you; i dont want to start; you make joke that is not funny - what if your daughter comes up and see us; it's not fair; you have them; you have a family; i dont; i know i can be flexible; stay and go whenever i like; you know i will not say no; you know i am into you; i really enjoy the time being with you; you book another trip; to go away with me; i guess i just want to leave things behind and go ahead to have a good time; i am at this juncture of my life that i am no longer looking for commitment, marriage and settle down; im passed that threshold with my 5 seconds of thought that i no longer care about what is going to happen the rest of my life.

in the end; maybe you will be leaving first; before me. 

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