we promised to see each other before i leave; you booked a hotel that i think of too; you are on time; as always; we see something that we somehow fit with each other and yet trying to find way to avoid; again we had a wonderful evening; a good time; in between wildly fucking session; we chat; we made fun; we had dinner; you could not explain the feelings you had for me; love; like; infatuation; it's not just about sex; a part of it is; a part of it is about growing; another part is about learning; there was no man that can make me feel like i am falling in love again; that you care so much with your tenderness and kindness; no one ever make me feel excited and nervous anymore at the same time; no one man can ever make me laugh, cry, scream, talk within one meeting session; you did it to me; you move me and touch me deep down a part of me that i thought i already lost; i try to find fault but to no avail; then i thought of her and i cry; you said its not my conscience to feel bad, its yours; it was both ours; you asked; i said yes; we have fair share of responsibility; i could have said no; but i am too weak; i didn't; how can you not feel bad; someone at home waiting for you; imagine if that is me; i will be sad and lonely; all of us are mature adult but all of us also crawl in this web of complication; we want to get out and yet drawn into it like an addiction; not really easy to get out; or we don't want to get out; you said you cant lose me; that you need me; but none of it is true; you have been managing without me; and you can do it again; i don't want to hurt your family and i don't want to hurt you; every time when we get to that; i get emotional and cry; if i don't care at all about you; i will not do so; for now you say let's us be special friend; we already are; then you say let's continue and see how it goes; but i already know how it gonna goes; it will be harder and harder for us to say goodbye when the time is finally here; i feel so; i know so and i sure of so.
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