Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.

if i am climbing out of a hole just to get into another hole of the same thing;
trust me, i will do nothing but walk away from it;
you have been good, then i realise, you are no less than who i have been made me suppress as i am with all these years, if it's not much worse;
you were the one that said: i can leave. i can walk away.

and

yes

i

can.

The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.

I do not care if you ask me to leave. I am more afraid if you ask me to stay.

sometimes is good, sometimes is bad.

you call this morning to check on me;
you dont used to do that anymore;
since you wanted a break;
i was quite surprise;
i didnt cry;
being my usual cut and dried self;
what else can i do?
i have to be ok and life goes on, right?

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

i thought we will continue as it is;
then you tell me you need time off;
i thought it will be very clear cut;
no call, no text, no email, no communication for a while;
but you say you will still be around;
you will still be available if i need to see you;
what all this means?
i have plan for you to do things together;
now can i still?
sometimes i rather you be cut and dried to me;
maybe that will be best;
rather than get stuck in the middle of everything and nothing;
your birthday is coming soon;
we are planning to see each other;
what about your break?
have you thought about things you supposed to thought about?
you seems to not remember things that  i once say or misinterpret it;
it's either you be clear with me; or stay the fuck out of my life;
i know there's one thing still bothers you until now;
the only thing;
if you cannot let go;
then maybe i should.

let's meet next and decide whether its time to say Goodbye.

Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.

i ask you to lemme know things so i will not be sitting in the dark;
you say you can do that;
i ask you maybe to be a  bit more cut and dried;
you say you can do that too;
in the end;
i do not know anymore what you can and can not do.

In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.

sometimes you just dont know what you dont know.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

you texted me late last night to tell me that you miss me;

that is enough;

enough.


xx

When times are good, you appreciate them, and when times are bad, you know they don’t need to last forever. Instead of sitting there wallowing in it, you get on with it.

because there is nothing i can say or do to make you happy;

because no matter what you will not be encouraged;

because your mother is already gone;

because you never have the intention to live;

because you never have the intention to die, either;

because you will never change;

because i will never change;

because;

because we can be together and make great things;

because you dont want to;

because;

because i dont want to;

what could be better for two individual that dont want to, not ready, never can change to be together?

i cant think of anything else;

goodbye my lover;

please know that i did love you even before you say that you love me.

Every experience is a form of exploration

i really really miss you;

can i tell you that honestly?

and you will forgive me?

PLEASE,

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.

i think i suddenly realise;

you may have lost the ability to love and live;

that scares me and makes me wonder why i still cling onto you.

The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.

07032015
15:02
3min(s) 9sec(s)

you tell me you call me just to tell me you have not forgotten about me;

if you are not taking me in;

what is the point?

what is the point?

does that mean i missed out my chances when you asked me that question, that day, that time?

or i was doing the right thing because i dont think you will be able to pull it thru if i were to reply yes to that question of yours, that day, that time.

Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared.

im sick and tired of your bs;
i may never say it;
im too polite;
i dont want to be rude;
you are nobody for me;
im saying just for sex;
you saying all this nonsense;
this and that;
means nothing to me at all;


i just want to be quiet;
for a moment;
just one moment;
yet you just keep on yapping away;
non stop;

non stop.

it makes me miss him even more.

Absence diminishes commonplace passions and enhances great ones.

so when they say:"i have to deal with my own shit, it's not your fault"; that is actually a lame excuse;

there is nothing right or wrong about this;

that just simply means they are selfish people;

much like everybody else;

and they said it first.

Wisdom begins in wonder.

5.3.2015

today is the very first day we have no contact with each other at all;
no phone call;
no skype;
no SMS;

work was boring and slow;
i miss you very much;
wish i can talk about anything;

the pre lunch time call;

the at home call;

i met up with a friend;
totally not interested in his story anymore;
seems like a drag;
if you are in love with someone and if she matters;
you will work hard for it;
i believe that;


i want to start over;
i want to be proper;
i want to do a lot of things;

i bind my assignment ready to submit this weekend;
relief;

my brother started to get busy with his new house;
i will be living by myself soon;
for the very first time in 37 years;
i will be living alone;


i am looking forward to it.


again;
i miss you;
so so much.



love......xoxo

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power;

bad news normally attracted to each other and all happens in once;

you told me you need "the break";

so we begin - i can't pretend we are still we are and go on living normally telling every day to day thing;

i really wish you put these few months into good use;

the other you came back;

nothing change

still long winded;

with excuses;

no indication of really working hard to make it work;

whole lot of survival mode bullshit;

life goes on regardless;

no one is indispensable.

there is just life.

and i miss you;

i really do;

very very much.

He felt that he could forgive anything to anyone, because happiness was the greatest agent of purification.

4.3.2015

1 missed call;
i was in the middle of something;
endless pfffft;
i called back;
you did not pick up;
i know things will never be the same;
i cannot pretend we are still the same;
how can i tell you about my day anymore;
i know you care but i also know you need the time and space;

i cannot.


just go back and do your work,
these are my final words;

you never call after, no more call after, no more.

Wisdom comes alone through suffering.

you have made your decision, i respect that. i wish you all the best in finding what you looking for.



i am no less lonely and helpless than you do, life goes on. living is in the everyday life. everyone has their own shit to deal with. being together seems to make it a little bit bearable, at least to me. i am sorry you dont feel that way.

looking back knowing you for a year, you taught me how to talk a lot, be vocal and stand up for myself, when you have someone caring for you, things are different.

maybe i didn't contribute much in this relationship, being kind is apparently not enough.

i do not know what these few months will do. there's may be something or there may be nothing. i cant let you do things you are not ready for, that will not be fair.

i can need you but i also can tell myself not needing you to give you the space & time you need to think things thru.

it's a cliche, but if someone truly matter to you, you respect  them and set them free. now seems to be that moment. i care for you William and i really want you to be well.

If i cant help you with that, at least i can give you the space you need.

You meet new people for a reason. They're going to be either a blessing or a lesson.

i try to act strong but when the news come, it still hurts.

3.3.2015

i saw you over the weekend;
and then i saw you again because you have a meeting;
i was so happy;
you can see that im happy;
we got very chatty at the Japanese restaurant;
say "please, always say "please";
a lot of things i know but never care;
you have taught me to care;
i thought i never would, again;
i thought we were going to be together;
i guess my reply is too much for you to take;
then i receive a note saying that you needed a break;
finally it came;
im not sure what to say;
im not the pressing type;
i trust you have your own reason;
i trust you may not be ready;
i trust maybe i am not the one;

you still call me and talk to me about her;
i dont know what to say;
i am feeling sad at the moment that we parted;
the rest of things dont seem to matter anymore;

too many things too many thoughts too little time;
im letting it be;
im letting it go;
for now.


please be very well, i want you to be well.

The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift.

a year ago, i used to think we have not enough memories of each other to go on to stay together; 

now that you left all i think about is you.

Being defeated is often only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.

i want to add value in your life;

i want us to be together;

i dont know how?

Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.

9 Feb 2015

4:15am

35 secs

you call to say you miss me

i know then that

i love you.

Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world.

In life, 已经有太多事是我们不能就决定的，所以如果这是你所能够决定的，就决定它吧。

Don't let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning.

let me start over.

Hi.

im 37 this year. single. independent. vulnerable. typical Scorpio. used to be quick and hot tempered; actually still quick and hot tempered. long to love and be loved which seem to be something that we may aspire to but can never attain.

i admire kindness in people, the one thing that can never go wrong.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Hi.

it has been years i live in solitary, not in terms of physically but deep inside. i know i have family, handful of friends and colleagues, that doesn't mean i am not lonely. i feel nervous when i am around people, i hate small talk, i enjoy my time being alone, i only talk about my problems with that few close friends/ colleagues, really, not even my family, i actually don't know what worse. Even then, i am not exactly looking for advice, more like want to have listeners and for them to be supportive, also to hang around with those who let me be me, appreciate who i am, that is enough for me.

as much as i have a dream to have a relationship, to build a home, to have a family, i never really been appreciated in all my relationships, that's why i am so surprise when someone care for me, love me and be here for me, not walking away and make me not walk away. i am also scare because im afraid i might fail you, disappoint you.

as harsh and tense as it sometimes gets between us, composure and equanimity are not in my dictionary. i slowly learn that we need to be open about things unselfishly and communicate effectively/ calmly to make it work. I want to become a good person for this relationship. i don't want to be angry, upset and do stupid things all the time.

I also know that you too have been living all these while by yourself, fully capable of living your own life despite the loneliness. You may not have the desire to let me take care of you and you tend to communicate very little of your daily life, where you are, what you doing because there's really no reason to tell anybody that, maybe even if now you do have a reason, then again your daily routine is as such and old habit dies hard, so you sticking to your life as is. i know this much, if i also not writing, stop sharing, our communication will halt, as it is long distance already sucks. i miss you calling, just chit chatting about nothing. i guess you are busy with your on going business in Italy, your work, your publication and you in need of some space and "me time", i understand.

technology helps to bring people closer and yet sometimes it seems to drive people apart when we use it the wrong way.

i am the type of person the more you treat me well, the more i will treat you well too; just exactly like how you want me to talk a lot more in order for you to talk. if i have been treated the hard way, i will be harsh and rude in return, if i have been treated real well, i will be happy, loving and more caring, etc.

if now we are going to develop a relationship, we both have to accept the fact that things are changing (hopefully in a good way :)) with a new person inside our life, to make it work, we have to somehow adapt and welcome that new person in a way that we hope how we would like to be treated. no one wants to feel unwelcome and constantly fear of conflict.

As for the question "can you help me?" - im sorry i cant be your cure for your depression and any of your painful past, i just hope i can at least make these days a little bit bearable or at least passable, but if i cant even achieve that, i can only apologize once more and wonder what do i exactly bring to the table if its not keeping this relationship going until now? to be your friend? to keep hoping that we will eventually figure things out between us? to just be here?

Maybe the correct question would be: "can we help each other?" "how can we meet half way?"


i don't know if all of this make sense.


oh well, for tonight, i had a nice Chinese dinner out with the two ex colleagues, we had big prawns, fried noodle, nice veggies and dessert, my stomach is so full it feels bloated. the two  - one is my ex boss, Melissa, another one is Mun Wune, whom i have always kept in touch for more than 15 years now. we finished a bottle of red wine and Melissa bought us this belated birthday dinner (Mun Wune birthday is one day before me). we shared little gossip and i am very selective about what to say, so they don't know about you. they are not that kind of "close" friends. Melissa knows a little bit about wine, so i bought a white wine for Dorothy birthday as her present with her recommendation.

anyway, i finished the book "A stone boat", even in Italy i was reading it, finally done with it last night, i will start a new book, gonna read a bit then call it a night.

good night. please know that i am here and care for you. tomorrow will be another slow day for me at work.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Hi,

i re read this email of yours again and again.

yes, you mention a lot of "me" , can see that still heading to a very selfish direction, who doesnt, right? even im selfish to be honest. you also looking for someone to inspire you.

to me, in these troubled times, i will need someone more than ever, knowing someone are being there, not for me to lean on selfishly, but to know that they are there, no matter what, they dont even need to say a lot, but just being there, you know?

i plan to sort out my property, dateline is useless for fool and my ex is not moving anywhere, that leaves her wife and I doing all the talking, but if he doesnt man up and do things, unless i hire someone to ugly things up, to splash paint in his house, or something, anything to provoke (i dont know, i never do such gangster thing before, maybe it will provoke him, or maybe it will worsen things up and then he decided to hate me forever and not going to sign anything at all forever and ever). i received SMS from his wife, long winded talking about  she has done her best and her husband is not moving to solve the problem, etc. ive asked my lawyer to send out another reminder again.

i leave you to sort out whatever you need to sort out.

A happy life is one which is in accordance with its own nature.

i dont know what is the mess. we dont get to talk.

all i know is we dont build enough memories and experience for us. all we have is all these unsatisfying bit and pieces. we look at it and we think we dont need all this. at times, it is not even enough to go on. we dont have a reason. if we dont need each other and if we dont love each other, why are we doing what we doing? why are we here if we cant even make each other happy?

this is wearing us out and we dont have a reason for it.

Intention. Abandon.

i just feel you need a lot, a lot of time by yourself and im being here makes no difference to your life but just another burden.

i appreciate your good intention of not abandoning me but i also dont know what to do.

so then what is your intention with me?

Happiness is mostly a by-product of doing what makes us feel fulfilled.

pretty sure thats enough to get us somewhere.

------------

I'm full time stupid, part time serious.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

You know if things don't work between us the rest just doesn't matter.

If you notice I rarely worry about a job, settle down with you, starting anew and such, because I know as long as I have your support in a new place, I can work things out together with you, know new friend, learn new skill, money of course is important, but I can't expect myself to make much right away.

I'm more worry about 'us', are we going to make it? Will we make it? That's my question , I do t know about you.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

it has been years i live in solitary, not in terms of physically but deep inside. i know i have family, handful of friends and colleagues, that doesn't mean i am not lonely. i feel nervous when i am around people, i hate small talk, i enjoy my time being alone, i only talk about my problems with that few close friends/ colleagues, really, not even my family, i actually don't know what worse. Even then, i am not exactly looking for advice, more like want to have listeners and for them to be supportive, also to hang around with those who let me be me, appreciate who i am, that is enough for me.

as much as i have a dream to have a relationship, to build a home, to have a family, i never really been appreciated in all my relationships, that's why i am so surprise when someone care for me, love me and be here for me, not walking away and make me not walk away. i am also scare because im afraid i might fail you, disappoint you.

as harsh and tense as it sometimes gets between us, composure and equanimity are not in my dictionary. i slowly learn that we need to be open about things unselfishly and communicate effectively/ calmly to make it work. I want to become a good person for this relationship. i don't want to be angry, upset and do stupid things all the time.

I also know that you too have been living all these while by yourself, fully capable of living your own life despite the loneliness. You may not have the desire to let me take care of you and you tend to communicate very little of your daily life, where you are, what you doing because there's really no reason to tell anybody that, maybe even if now you do have a reason, then again your daily routine is as such and old habit dies hard, so you sticking to your life as is. i know this much, if i also not writing, stop sharing, our communication will halt, as it is long distance already sucks. i miss you calling, just chit chatting about nothing. i guess you are busy with your on going business in Italy, your work, your publication and you in need of some space and "me time", i understand.

technology helps to bring people closer and yet sometimes it seems to drive people apart when we use it the wrong way.

i am the type of person the more you treat me well, the more i will treat you well too; just exactly like how you want me to talk a lot more in order for you to talk. if i have been treated the hard way, i will be harsh and rude in return, if i have been treated real well, i will be happy, loving and more caring, etc.

if now we are going to develop a relationship, we both have to accept the fact that things are changing (hopefully in a good way :)) with a new person inside our life, to make it work, we have to somehow adapt and welcome that new person in a way that we hope how we would like to be treated. no one wants to feel unwelcome and constantly fear of conflict.

As for the question "can you help me?" - im sorry i cant be your cure for your depression and any of your painful past, i just hope i can at least make these days a little bit bearable or at least passable, but if i cant even achieve that, i can only apologize once more and wonder what do i exactly bring to the table if its not keeping this relationship going until now? to be your friend? to keep hoping that we will eventually figure things out between us? to just be here?

Maybe the correct question would be: "can we help each other?" "how can we meet half way?"


i don't know if all of this make sense.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together

Hi,

thank you for writing, in a way, your mail to me seems like you throw everything at someone, you are telling them that you are such and such person, i am like this-  "I'm angry, sad, and, to be honest, very selfish. As such I'm quite useless and you dont have to deal with me, unless you want to"

it may sounds like you are being fair and giving people a choice but you are not.

then again who am i to say what kind of person you are, you are not here for my cheap advice anyway - you show me that pretty clearly last night over the phone.

you too, have the right to walk away, not letting me deal with you, if you don't want to. everyone has the power to choose and make their own decision. decide who you let in, decide who will hurt you, decide what you can do, that's what life is all about. no one can hurt you unless you let them to, also nothing will change unless you start to.

If you just need someone to just nod whenever you say things, to just say yes and follow whenever you do something, to just take things as it is, to just put up with your shit and expect no effort from you, and that you are such a selfish person and don't expect you to change. i am not that kind of person.

i can share with you quote after quote, saying after saying and hoping that there's some positivity comes out of it. i was once optimistic, i don't think the sun shining out from my backside and that i can make everyone happy, but at least i tried, then if nothing happens, i question myself is it me, and then once i realise it is not even my problem, surely i would have noticed and finally come to my senses that, in this case, there is really nothing much i can do anymore. unless there is something that i don't know and that you need to tell me.

i know i cannot change anybody (and trust me, i dont want to change anybody), but the very least i hope one can sooner or later realise in life, no one like a selfish person coz life is all about give and take, the joy is in the "give", if they can take is a bonus - thats why we are human being, just being human and i am no way near perfect.

i really dont know what else i can say anymore, imagine you are in my position and you are dealing with someone like yourself, how would you handle him? what would you do?

it is a long road, it may take a while and yes it is ok, we can be friends, im just here and life goes on. sooner or later we have to decide what are we going to do. sooner or later and you of all people should know it so.

yes this may not be a mail you expecting, but i rather write you this than write you something that i am not.

take care and be well. life is long and hard, long and hard.


"The real things haven’t changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." Laura Ingalls Wilder


"We’re all fucked and I accept that—but I wake up in the morning and just work harder and harder against that reality—what else is there to do?" - Yvon Chouinard

There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.

Can't live with you, but I die without.........

Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

"do you miss me sometimes?", you asked;

i wish not to pity and sympathize you;

but that moment i realize you are a poor poor man.

You can find on the outside only what you possess on the inside.

Thank you for your apology SMS.

What is our fears that we share together?

let me share mine.

My fear is we are always in this circle, no matter how hard we try, we end up pissing up each other, using too much energy to argue which gets us no where.

I don't know how to put it in a way that you will take it as I am not preaching or teaching you how to live or what to do. All I'm trying to say is I can't live a life where I am afraid every 5 seconds worrying what you are going to say, what old stuff you are going to bring up to punish me and that you are constantly thinking of what to say to get me back, judging me, it will eventually drain us. We will get tired of each other.

W, I'm not someone that remembers everything, even with our fiercest argument, I'll probably apologize (even with a black face) and sincerely move on, not bringing it up evert time , taking it as a lesson learnt, by not repeating the same mistake.

If we are together, normally we just hug it out. Hugging seems to solve things a lot, but it can only solve so much, we have to genuinely admit our mistakes, mean what we say and REALLY move on.

I'm not lecturing you, this is my way to do it and I would tell you whether you accept or do it or not it's entirely up to you. If our ways are very conflicting with each other, we will not last, not in the long run.

At the end of the day, when we find out we have more and more dissimilarities, that is also the time we reconsider if we want to be together.

Sometime I feel very very hopeful for us, sometimes I don't, it's really fluctuates. that's the truth and that's the fear.

My hope is that we can live with each other. In between that and now, we have a lot of REAL talking to do. For now I can only tell you my daily life as how exactly as it right now, everyday.

Until then. 

It's time to start living the life you've imagined.

I love you. Please come and build a home with me. He said. 

If success is not on your own terms - if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your own heart - it is no success at all.

you say that:-

1. i am patient with you

2. i am right

3. i dont bullshit you


im happy.

Some people say that dreaming gets you nowhere in life. But I say you can't get anywhere in life without dreaming.

in our case, yes - love becomes something that grows, in time and with time. it has to be.

if anything, for now, i like you and i admire you.

I would like to build a home, one with love and passion. The ability to own a house, have kids all are physically possible. a "home" is a different thing. if there's one goal you and i have, ultimately is that, i guess.

you ask me can i build a home with you? i can tell you honestly i can. should it be overtime instill love in it as you said to grow love? or we should love, trust, respect, understand, care for each other first only then take the next step forward? i wonder and no one will have an answer. Can we also just say "let's do it"? :) we dont know.

can you and do you want to build a home with me?

funny thing about you and i, as furious as our fight/conversation hit up, we dont stay mad with each other for long and that gives me hope to go on, everyday.

these are the things im thinking about when we are apart, the possibility of us being together, to shorten the distance.

At time, i am just too forgetful and often make terrible blunder, but i am not making it as an excuse and say it's ok to repeat that. me too living, surviving one day at a time, it scares me, life is as such, a cliche, in the end, it goes on.

You have to ask (what can you do that) will make tomorrow better than today?

I am hanging onto something that I can't see.

Don't allow yourself to be intimidated! There is more than one road to joy.

I'm watching you like a spectator, helplessly. I can offer you nothing in life that she is able to. It makes me wonder about my purpose in this whole journey with you. I say I don't mind, I lie. Coz in the end if I'm not in any part of your sharing however small it maybe, I do actually mind, I do.

If you are patient in one moment of anger you will save a thousand days of sorrow.

It's like your life only make out of three main components, the more you tell me about them the more I feel detach from your life where we should be the other way around, we should be attach and figure a way out to be together with each other, too often i feel rejected and dont belong in a relationship with you, at all.

this, you do not know.

you mustn't lose it.

we try to build moment and experience that we can share together, at least i want to, all i remember now are all the pointless arguments and fights.

ok, maybe the time we cook pasta too, that's about all.

it makes me very sad to say that.

You do ill if you praise, but worse if you censure, what you do not understand.

I left early from work, 2 hour early last Friday, just to please you. You specifically ask me to, get off at 4pm, reach between 6pm-7pm, precisely. It takes a bit too long due to rush hour traffic, you even thought I might stop somewhere to have a coffee so that I will reach you right in time, and that I didn't actually get off at four. you don't even call, playing guessing game. I reached at the time you wanted me to, you seem delighted and pleased. I thought I haven't been really listening to you so this time I should. I really want to see you, be with you.

The idea of you slowly in my life, that confirmation freaks me out and that no one actually care enough to stay touches me the most, even you said so. You said you really like me and care about me, you even put a lot of contacts behind, casual one, starting to tell you friend about me in a nice way generally. 

Still we had argument, coz you don't tell me a lot and it seems like you are using me, I'm upset. We walked by the beach, I start to care for you too much and too hard.

I have no say about some choices you made in your past, I feel unfair, I mind, there's nothing I can do about it but somehow give in because I want you here and now, to start to build our moment together, the things that only belong to us and no one else.

I am selfish, I have to admit. From now on, I kinda promise myself to worry less and not give you a hard time anymore, anymore. 

I love you. I begin to.

After much suffering and torment, I was resurrected large, and pure, and immaculate.

Point #1: Respect your space and time - which includes:-

·         No surprise visit

·         Visiting within time range and specific request

·         No odd hour call


Point #2: design your life

Point #3: find depth, elegant, serenity

Point #4: find peace

Point #5: live your life, live the way you want

Point #6: think big, rise to the occasion

Do you remember the one thing you say you will never take away from anybody – their choices?

You mentioned so many points, I feel I am slowly losing my choices, my freedom, my identity, my thought, my voice. You can argue otherwise that this is how you want them, because you have your way. I understand. I have mine too and whatever way I do thing is always the wrong way, the way that you don’t like, the way that will invade your space, your time.

If you are planning to programme me, sure go ahead, be my guest! I am a human being, just a human being. I can only let you set me a limit too many times.

For last Friday, if I insist stubbornly I want to get off 6pm, I will not be able to see you - but i care and want to see you so much i make the effort, what if there's really time in future that i cant get off, will you be flexible and allow me to come late without feeling upset? without feeling i dont give you YOUR SPACE/ YOUR TIME?

For the 2am call, it’s just something “random” that I feel I want to do.

You can set rules and I can also set mine too. I am hanging on and see how many times I can cope until eventually I cannot take it, explode and go on my way.

I am just a very sensitive, emotional human being. I start to care for you so much it not really funny.

If we cannot figure out how to compromise, it’s very very hard to go on and we will just end up always agitate, annoy each other with nothing great coming out then hate each other. Now that I know “Random”, “Surprises” are not your favourite word in the world.

Please please don’t pretend and do not say anymore “ I can do whatever I want” because you forget to insert – “You can do whatever you want, (but on MY TERM)”.

I can never ever do what I want, at least it is on your term.

I feel you STILL want to maintain the same life you are having but you want a partner that totally MATCH your time, your space, as if the other person time and space do not exist. I am a selfish person too i admit, but i start to think about you. you may say the same thing, but i really don't feel it, instead you make me feel im not worth your time unless i match your time.

You really have a way of bringing my mood down instantly, I was happy, very very happy until you call.

Forgive all my rude & "not nice" comment, that's all the "intelligent" things i have in mind right now.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

you are no less stranger than me, i start to miss you more and more terribly these days, oddly. i even miss the time we fight. in the end, when we see thru sex and appearance, small things will keep us alive, that is what i am trying to say, practicality aside, as much as we want to be together, we cant just say we want to be together, in the end, there must be something there to keep us going. i realise that today. i will never be nice to you for some unknown reasons.

The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

1. we are not here to give each other hard time. we acknowledge that.

2. it used to be easy to say "we are just talking right", it is beyond that point now - we are NOT just talking.

3. whatever move we make will affect the other person, direct and indirectly. past, present, future.

4. i will still worry. period.

5. i will not stop saying stupid things. period again.




This plan really sucks!

from your "Not buddy buddy"

This is your world. Shape it or someone else will.

I know you may still find it hard to believe I am actually relax and “not tense” or “intense” when I am with you, but this is absolutely true.

I will only find it annoying when you are the one who is contradicting and frequent minded and often ask me to decide, do what I want for my life. Etc.

I may spend awful amount of time indoor but that is not because you did not bring me anywhere, but because I am an indoor person, a couch potato. Im more than happy to whenever we decide to do something together.

So you see, “together” is the key word. Everything loses its meaning if that is not something we decide that we want to do together, even if it’s you want some quiet time and I’m going to class, when we don’t get to spend time this weekend doesn’t mean we growing apart, on the contrary the consensus and understanding on our life and situation just goes to show that our maturity.

Am I making any sense with this?

We are not in each other’s disposal, when we decide to do something is because we both “want to” NOT force to.

The only real elegance is in the mind, and if you've got that, the rest naturally flows from it.

i need you and you are not here with me. 

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.

1. im tired. do whatever you please. you are not a child. you don't need anyone to tell you what to do.

2. telling me about her neglected upbringing doesn't change the fact there's still need to be a solution.

3. you already have a practical solution, im not trying to give you a hard time, question is what next?

4. you have nothing to hide from me. just that you and I never share enough.

5. if it's late at night, call, ill still pick up, least you can do write. will you afraid to call your best friend because its late, otherwise try start changing your routine/ habit. call earlier. when someone else is in your life, you compromise if you want to.

6. when people like me make mistakes, it's the worst and life shattering, it takes time for us to forgive ourselves, i don't want to make any mistake, with you, or i should say to minimize mistake because in life mistake is inevitable and the consequences now is a child's life is at stake.

Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.

elegance.

depth.

serenity.


you are speaking a language that i do not understand.