I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly.

i texted you almost the same time you wanted to text me and the sequence matters; it tells you that i still look for you; after a long time; after so many times of rain checks; we had a great dinner; you cook for me; a few beers; ice cream; you show me your new place; talk about music, movie here and there; i know this lukewarm thing can't go on; you came and hug me from behind; took my hand; came to bed; you need me; you miss me; you long for me; physically; i know it is time; to talk about it; to let my anger out what i have suppressing; this past that caused me pain; the reason why i distance myself and withdrew; you said you already know long ago; you did not need to ask; you assuming that you are right and i did not want to share; defend mechanism kicks in; i feel deep cuts, pain; hurt endless; this is an un-fillable void; this emptiness; you miss the passion; our passion; sadly there's no way to go back there; not now; maybe we could; but it will be never the same; we are still too secretive; not opening enough; i do not want you to think i am easy and you can just back into my life after all this damage you have done to me; you said you just want to make me cum; to feel me again; to remind me how we were physically once; that is the whole point; you do not need to remind me about it; i remember every single thing; the way you touch me; the way you caress me; you miss me being here; beside you; make you coffee in the morning; i do too; and that you can tell me over the phone call that day i really meant it when i said "i miss you"; that is why it hurts me more deeply because i remember; it would be easier if we just fuck each other and leave it at that; we did not; there's no turning back; cant undone; we could have been happy together; it could have been me; but you just have to screw it up; screw things up and screw us up; you should still be happy now; at least we still talking to each other; instead of letting fade away and ask ourselves after 10 years; what if i spoke with him; i am glad; i do not want that regret and there will not be; in my life; now.