Do you know what your problem is? You can’t live with the idea that someone might leave.

08122016

I fly to you. Just to be with you all over again. We lasted for more than a year now. Learning something new now makes me realise nothing is ever perfect until you really want it to be. The effort you put in shaping the kind of life you yearn for. I used wonder what am I doing with you? Is it something wrong? But it is not my fault. I do not know if we are saying goodbye this time. we will start to run out of things to say, because we don't have routine and mundane life story to talk about, not as a couple, no problem to solve, only sex, wine, food and good things. Maybe in Sunday we will find out. It seems all clear now, it will be ok to let go, even if we do, even I did not stay a day longer, it is still ok, which I remember that used to be something that I want the most.

Two similar intense encounters, make you think about things in a whole new different angle in life, to wonder what really makes you happy and what really matters the most.

Life has its own twist and turn way..


11122016.

On my way home. We hugged each other long goodbye. All the things that I was supposed to ask you, you have asked me back. I was afraid we have nothing to do or say. You wanted to buy me a perfume. We didn't really do much at all.  Just walking around town. For me that was enough. Do you know something? It's how you like to say before you tell me something. You said you felt like you have know me for the longest time. Every kiss, touch, hug, I will never forget, the timing was just right, it would make us too sad if we stay any longer. Still boundaries we don't cross, still wall we don't break down. Deep down we know how this is going. A photo that we never take. You are to never leave me. To love two persons at the same time, I am the one who would want no burden of you. I bought you dinner, you bought me German beer. We had a nice Xmas feel Starbucks coffee treat. Hot pot. Two days of breakfast. The walk, Jin Li street, lan Kwai Fong, Jiu yan qiao, we don't even care about panda, a nice streets and malls. Big muji, quiet temple. white sparkling wine. nice music. you fell asleep on my lap. you holing my hand. We were early for the check in. 30 min. Late tasteless chrysanthemum tea. U ask me why I take off my ring. Because it is not a permanent ring. Not like your wedding ring. I tried yours. I answer all the questions I was supposed to ask you. You made me cried. At the airport. Do you know. You said you feel like you have know me for a long time. Will you still feel that after 25 years? I don't know. U enjoy me. Enjoy us. Has no desire to use ur phone. Endless intensity of love making. Every breath, every words, every songs, just remind of each other so much on the little things. You get one wish, you want to see me again. We promise us. Germany is something on the list too. How can I ever say no to you? To deny this? To walk away from all this? At least I couldn't do it, not now, not right now.