Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.

The more i meet people and the more people i met, the more i appreciate how real you are.

Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.

I do not want my future and my life being control and dictate by someone I do not even give a fuck about.

If you want me to up my game, you only need to tell me how.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

I wish you could stay. He said and that is enough. 

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.

You said I have very good heart, smarter than you even, good quality I had. I always chose to walk away at the slightest annoyance, you always manage to ask me stay, I don't think I deserve you, you can find better, but you say it breaks your heart when I say that.

When it comes to decision all I hear is excuses, we can not move forward, you are not ready, you afraid of losing your freedom, you have your hesitation .

Why is that so. 

You are confuse.

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

this is getting more and more uninteresting and uninspiring. 

Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.

the saddest thing of it all;
we do not even have a relationship that we can validate.

What a man is contributes much more to his happiness than what he has, or how he is regarded by others.

just be bold enough to admit certain things, rather than implying the "i dont care what you do", "i dont mind" kind of attitude which i am not interested at all besides that is also very very uninteresting, it becomes boring after a while.

when you told me we seeing each other "casually" yesterday, i had the same reaction when you said "i come to see you all the way for the sex", (well difference is i didnt cry and walk out half way sitting on you, i couldn't anyway! :P)  you maybe right but that doesn't make the fact that i really want to see you less true.

think about it.

All endings are also beginnings; we just don't know it at the time.

I forget when was the last time i leave judgement behind.

I was never good at confrontation.  In fact i never good at anything. 

All i do is hide and getting into my own kind of mode. 

People say im melodramatic, sensitive, hopeless and weak. Maybe they are right. I never really care much anyway.

So here i am. Escaping them. Escaping you.  What am i trying to achieve? I don't know.  Im not sure anymore. 

A man can be destroyed but not defeated.

That i can walk away.

That i want to please you.

That i no longer need to.

That i am just living my life.

That i am just being me.

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.

i am sick and tired of always telling you that i am not good enough for you. i am good enough for myself, i am the person i want myself to be.

i will only be good enough if you think i am good enough, otherwise i will never be and will always have to change myself to accommodate you, by not being myself.

i also often confuse when you tell me that i am good enough, i have a strong character, this and that and then some but always lacking in some other, are you praising me or condemning me or simply being sarcastic?

i truly believe if you love someone, you will let them be, the best and worst version of themselves, you compromise and you love them for being who they are. this is not a defend mechanism, i am good and i know so, With you, i always have to argue my way and defend myself to find my place somehow, im getting tired of it.

no one can ask you to change your mind about me, if even yourself find me not worthy of your love. (or is there love?)

i guess what this weekend all about is that we talked about everything and nothing, you also told me that you are not ready, you have your reservation because it will take too much to lose your so called freedom, it will take too much for you to back down and it will take too much for things to change. is this the reason why she and you can never work out, because none of you will compromise each other's life and back down, both of you are too strong headed and opinionated on each other's view and can stand no one. we know a lot of things all along and yet we went round circle talking about the same old thing. this is really like a broken record. we cant move forward.

honestly, i dont know how our life is going to be, i dont even know what will happen tomorrow, one thing for sure is that, the time that i have spent with you, you brought things on the table i value, like your advice, your no bull sit attitude, excluding your sadness and some of your outlook in life which i dont necessarily agree but i can say you are a straight forward guy, you care for me like no other and i appreciate that. (maybe i dont make you feel anything, hence you dont feel i am bringing anything to the table)

i do not want you to bring yourself down to any lower level, and i dont necessary get to climb up to your level. what have i offer you thus far? is there anything you value out of me? if the answer is no then i dont understand why are you sticking around. i see a reason for me to, but i dont see yours? now after a year, dont you think it is no longer about me upping my game, it is just a matter of are we or can we accept each other of who we are. have we try hard enough to work things out to be with each other?

i dont know if there can be a black and white/ cut and dried answer to that, if there is, thing will be much more easier for both you and I.

we know nothing about love and yet only love can sustain this to make us feel alive, otherwise everything we are talking about start to feel like business proposition where we are together because we have certain value to offer, that we can use each other and that's all.

i am not apologizing for this mail being ruthless and blunt, sick of being nice to each other, maybe the truth is this kind of words need to be said so it will be out of the way and makes us re-think of this whole relationship, or was there even a relationship to begin with?

Self-respect is the root of discipline: The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself.

if i am climbing out of a hole just to get into another hole of the same thing;
trust me, i will do nothing but walk away from it;
you have been good, then i realise, you are no less than who i have been made me suppress as i am with all these years, if it's not much worse;
you were the one that said: i can leave. i can walk away.

and

yes

i

can.

The naked truth is always better than the best dressed lie.

I do not care if you ask me to leave. I am more afraid if you ask me to stay.

sometimes is good, sometimes is bad.

you call this morning to check on me;
you dont used to do that anymore;
since you wanted a break;
i was quite surprise;
i didnt cry;
being my usual cut and dried self;
what else can i do?
i have to be ok and life goes on, right?

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.

i thought we will continue as it is;
then you tell me you need time off;
i thought it will be very clear cut;
no call, no text, no email, no communication for a while;
but you say you will still be around;
you will still be available if i need to see you;
what all this means?
i have plan for you to do things together;
now can i still?
sometimes i rather you be cut and dried to me;
maybe that will be best;
rather than get stuck in the middle of everything and nothing;
your birthday is coming soon;
we are planning to see each other;
what about your break?
have you thought about things you supposed to thought about?
you seems to not remember things that  i once say or misinterpret it;
it's either you be clear with me; or stay the fuck out of my life;
i know there's one thing still bothers you until now;
the only thing;
if you cannot let go;
then maybe i should.

let's meet next and decide whether its time to say Goodbye.

Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.

i ask you to lemme know things so i will not be sitting in the dark;
you say you can do that;
i ask you maybe to be a  bit more cut and dried;
you say you can do that too;
in the end;
i do not know anymore what you can and can not do.

In things pertaining to enthusiasm, no man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.

sometimes you just dont know what you dont know.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

you texted me late last night to tell me that you miss me;

that is enough;

enough.


xx

When times are good, you appreciate them, and when times are bad, you know they don’t need to last forever. Instead of sitting there wallowing in it, you get on with it.

because there is nothing i can say or do to make you happy;

because no matter what you will not be encouraged;

because your mother is already gone;

because you never have the intention to live;

because you never have the intention to die, either;

because you will never change;

because i will never change;

because;

because we can be together and make great things;

because you dont want to;

because;

because i dont want to;

what could be better for two individual that dont want to, not ready, never can change to be together?

i cant think of anything else;

goodbye my lover;

please know that i did love you even before you say that you love me.

Every experience is a form of exploration

i really really miss you;

can i tell you that honestly?

and you will forgive me?

PLEASE,

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.

i think i suddenly realise;

you may have lost the ability to love and live;

that scares me and makes me wonder why i still cling onto you.