Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities

很晚了；收到你的短讯；我讨厌拐弯抹角的人；你兜兜转转想要从我那儿得到你想要得到的答案；我说晚安；你着急了；其实你想见我；就是不直接说；我也在想你但却没有想过我们其实会再见；很不必要； 我要了罐啤酒；没有说话；原来你刚去了机场一趟；我没问是接机还是送机；没有意思；然后你接着说圣诞会在argentina度假；然后一月会去spain一个星期；我只是喝着啤酒吸着烟看着你；那么又如何呢？无言； 我无言。

In love, one and one are one

141209; 1544; 03m59s; 昨晚你没来得及与我分享你的周末过得如何；今天就收到了你的来电；诉说着你短短的行程；我还是没有对你说我的想念；我不敢问也不敢想知道你一个人的时候有没有想我；我害怕我会失望； 虽然我只能够自己傻傻地想你；在你盖上电话之前；听见你轻声说谢谢；原来你对我其实还是很客气的；你叫我如何不跟你保持距离呢？

We do what we must, and call it by the best names

还记得那是一个星期四夜晚；来到你公寓前；朋友说这里有一家日本餐厅不错；就去了；我们选的位子正对着你住的地方；我抬头向上望；17楼-11-a；没有灯；你可能外出或仍在公司；我没有多想；但其实却希望说我有可能就在这时候见到你；晚餐完毕；我抬头再望；17楼-11-a；依然没有灯。

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think

091209: 0956: 3m59s: 是你在想我吗？我听到你的声音；你在想我的声音；虽然你没有说出口；你半开玩笑说其实在等着我的回复；问我有没有收到你的电邮；我却当真了；回来之后你一直在忙；我知道你高兴地在忙碌着；告诉了你我计划好的回乡行程；我希望你会在我不在的时候想我更多；不要再跟我开玩笑了，好吗？

One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful

"but you are not just saying that, right?"; "why would i?"; "coz you always see thru me, see thru my insecurity"; "if i say this is because i mean it, i really do and there's nothing else to it, ok?"; i know at times i act like a child; a child that always ask why; always want reassurance; always feel uneasy inside; always shy and always fight to be who i want to really be; but with you; there's no struggle; no fight; only truth and the comfort that you bring is making me shiver; then there's tears in my eyes.

If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it

Because gratification of a desire leads to the temporary stilling of the mind and the experience of the peaceful, joyful Self, it's no wonder that we get hooked on thinking that happiness comes from the satisfaction of desires. This is the meaning of the old adage, "Joy is not in things, it is in us."

- Joan Borysenko

I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear

Rois et reine (2004)

(Kings & Queen)

Director: Arnaud Desplechin

Epilogue

scene:

a visit to museum

Ismael: well...ive missed you, my little boy

kid: it's been a long time

Ismael: your mother has asked me to adopt you. do you know about that?

kid: yes

Ismael: ive thought about it and ive decided that it's not a good idea. i came here to tell you that. you're not speaking?

kid: im thinking of ideas

Ismael: you see, your mum and i were so much in love, that i ended up meeting you as well. how old were you? three? four?

kid: i forget

Ismael: since it was true love and you were tiny, i simple adored you and got along with you. as i told you once, one thing that im very proud of in my life is knowing you.

kid: is that true?

Ismael: yes, its true. that's how you and i became an "almost family". i never knew your dad but i think he was a great guy.

kid: really?

Ismael: he gave you a load of things: your name, your face...so you already have a father. ok, he's dead. that's sad. but it was before you were born and it's not easy to mourn a stranger. there's a german poem about a boy whose mother is dead. "your mother's soul lashes out at the sharks before you." that poem always reminds me of you coz i think your dad's soul protects you from sharks. so it wouldnt be a good idea for me to pretend to be your father now. your mother used to say you and i should be friends. but a grown-up and a child shouldn't be friends. i know that when i was little, i didnt like those grown-ups who'd try to charm me or try to establish complicity with me.

kid: what's complicity?

Ismael: complicity is being pals, it's sharing secrets. when i was little, i stole from stores a lot.

kid: you stole from stores?

Ismael: or we'd attack the girls at school. but i didnt want to attack girls or steal from stores with a grown-up. so, pretending to be your friend would be another lie. you shouldnt have to decide whether you like me or not. i dont care. im the grown-up. when i looked after you at times i'd annoy you but at others you'd adore me. i carry you in my heart now, even if you turn into a total bastard or i dont see you for 1279 years. i have to think about you because i enjoy doing it. as a child, you dont have to think about grown-ups or about me. unless you need to.

you see, the past isnt what has vanished. no, it's what belongs to us.

kid: i dont understand

Ismael: what belongs to us now are the memories we both have. it's weird, isnt it? because there's no name for what we share. i looked after you for seven years. a long time. but it's over. ill tell you what bothers me. firstly, you're a introverted little boy. secretive, say. but that's not failing, it's a quality. as a boy, i couldnt manage to speak so i used to stammer.

kid: is that true?

Ismael: yes, it is. as for you, you're just a little reserved. in return, life has given you a rich soul. that way, when you feel lonely, you can retreat to you inner garden to chat with your imagination. i remember your poems in primary school and you're a true poet. but i can imagine it's not always pleasant for you. a secret treasure is a good thing but it musnt become a burden. if it does, i see you locked up on your thoughts, that hurts me and i want to free you. and i wonder what fear or anger makes you flee the world.

lastly...

Ismael: this is the only advice i have for now: of coz we're always right. but it's always possible that we could be a bit wrong too. being a bit wrong is a very good news! it means you dont have the whole answer. that life will be more exciting and full of surprises that you thought.

What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day

读着你的信；你把我弄哭了；感动呐；认识你多久了；知道你的为人的；你总是有你的一套说法；我是应该高兴的；我是应该笑的；但你却把我弄哭了；i dont think i've ever been depress before; im a happy person; even if im sad; i guess i will just write; i'll feel better that way; even what i write down are all just little silly things; things that doesnt even mean much when i read it back; but during that times and that exact moment; it just feels like the very right thing to do and usually i am right.

It's noble to want to confess, but if the results are just damage and pain, that's not noble. It's selfish

day 1:

slight annoyance; people around; not as friendly as expected to be; taking it slow; wandering round town; exploring small wonders; streets; decision; decision; decision; respecting each other; made the right choice; ended up in cosy place; passing cars; crossing streets; holding hands.

day 2: small tour; speaking of cliche; non stop ranting; trying to annoy you even more so; 50 cents beer; conversations weaved in every meal with a twist; random chat on world-photography-women-men-life; just nothing about love-me-and-you; nothing.

day 3: village that floats; boredom creeping in; trip that did not worth much while; cute view along country side; keeping positive thought no less.

day 4: big tour; small details on the other hand we would've missed; been talked about; hot sun; tanned skin; marks.

day 5: remote tour; quiet day; coffee black and white; baguette butter and jem; chill cold breeze; following around every step of the way; secretly looking around; making sure you are never too far away; closely keeping an eye; on everything that you do.

day 6: coming to an end; no sadness in parting; you glad i insisted on this in my own silly way; im glad i insisted we parted our own way; only looking forward to a new trip; again; with you; if only you would have me; again; like this; all over again.

Abundance is, in large part, an attitude

and we've made it back;

and i decided to write about it;

and it feels kinda like extract and concentrate this whole thing of knowing you for 3 years into 6 days 5 nights;

and i like it;

and so now let see what would i write about.

i dont whine; i dont rant; i dont complain; i dont yell; i dont shout; i dont scream;

that doesnt make me a loser.

Frequency of a tragedy does not diminish the wound when it is your own

it's that time again;

to look out;

and start fresh;

after this;

i promise myself;

for the 3723946132894760394868364 time.

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of

计划好的旅程终于来了；

你还是对我的顾虑万分烦躁；

sorry to be anal about this;

但是有一些事确实是连自己都觉得没必要过分在意的；

却也在最后一分钟执意地坚持着；

我和我那股偷偷还在爱你的傻劲；

一股我自己知道就算再怎样付出再怎么努力也得不到回报的傻劲；

我没有埋怨；

让我就这样执著着吧；

这也是我唯一一样让我自己能够洋洋得意的性格啊。

hate to be late, alwaz the early one.

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them

like when you were still awake at 4a.m. in the morning;

like this is your day off and you are online in the oddest hour of the day;

when anything happen during that time;

you just know it's meant to be.

I love you the more that I believe you have liked me for my own sake and for nothing else

it's not like this is going to be the end of the world.

sometimes all it takes is just a beer and a cigarette; that will actually make me feel better; even that is just for little while.

No one can build his security upon the nobleness of another person

she spotted him from afar; once at the cafe; and now at the book store; might just be a coincidence; she never really into nerdy type anyway; that boy gives her a good vibe nonetheless; his white converse shoe, she thinks; she has to do something; she walked passed him twice; checking him out see what is he reading; with vain however; stepping out of the book store strolling around the city on a beautiful wet after rain Sunday morning; she feels fine despite the little disappointment; "do you always give up that easily?"; someone approaches her; "sorry"; "i dont mean to be rude. i notice you passed me by twice just now without any notion or intention. i cant help but to let you know mine, that wasn't really a coincidence, i spotted you from far, too, your white converse, you look like a girl who smokes, into indie music and just seems like my kind of girl, have coffee with me to prove me wrong or unless you have something else better to do than to let this good vibe pass you by?"; she laughs out loud, steps on his converse and run to the nearest cafe, then she shouts:"now come and get even!!"

Great hopes make great men

或许是我们缺少勇气

不敢踏出彼此的安全区

或许是思念情绪

美得让人质疑

多可惜我们还是

免不了得放弃

it wasn't meant to be

事到如今我只能安慰自己

it wasn't meant to be

事到如今只能说

我们无能为力

可是你我心底

清楚明白这份爱若坚持走下去

清楚明白这份爱当初若坚持走下去

我们会在一起

it wasn't meant to be

遗憾我变得小心翼翼

关于你的话题尽量回避

但难免有人好奇

关心起我和你

怕唤起记忆一概回应

心想好的一句

与你分离说好那天不下雨

我心都快碎了

怎么忍住哭泣

Real freedom lies in wildness, not in civilization

"you know darn well that's not what im talking about"; "what is it then?"; "you wont understand"; "oh well, enlighten me, will you?"; "i really dont want to do this?"; "do what?"; "get ourselves into an argument"; "no, we're not arguing, we're just merely stating out our different opinion and hopefully come to consensus with it"; "i dont care, just do whatever you want, i dont care"; "yea sure right, do it again, walk away"; and what u dont know is i am walking away for your sake, for the sake of loving you....that you will never know, ever; and its not that you care anyway..

i hate to repeat myself twice.

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy

我真的是不愿意的；

为什么你就是要开这样的玩笑；

我不明白；

我就是这样的敏感；

你认识我3年了；

还是一而再地犯同样的错误；

我知道你没有在意；

不是钱的问题；

是我的性格；

我有我的原则；

因为于我；

如果你是不在意的话；

你不会说；

而你却说了；

而我就是那么的在意的。

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens

我不想骗你；

我只是想骗自己；

骗自己说我不在乎你。

favourite food: japanese

The trouble with normal is it always gets worse

** from the movie (500) days of summer - i was that guy....

Tom : No, you know what ? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on.

Summer : Nothing’s going on. We’re just ..

Tom : We’re just what ? Just what ?

Summer : We’re just friends …

Tom : No. Don’t pull that with me. Don’t even try. This is not how you treat your friend. Kissing in the copy room, holding hands in Ikea, shower sex … Come on, friends my balls.

Summer : I like you, Tom. I just don’t want a relationship.

Tom : Well, you’re not the only one who gets a say in this ! I do too ! and I say we’re a couple, god damn it !

when someone bought a new pair of shoe but the label still stuck at the bottom, annoys me.