Prove all things; hold fast that which is good

she probably sends thru whole bunch of messages; you are nothing special; remember that.

i love a good fight.

Judgement comes from experience, and great judgement comes from bad

"sometimes i think you should trust and let go and get the love you get"; a friend told me this and i quote it here; maybe it's because i was never a love-receiving kind of person; maybe i'm being skeptical; maybe it's because of love; maybe im having second thought; me and all my maybes; maybe i will this time; again, just maybe.

When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing

"can you give us another chance?"; "you mean again?"; "yes, again"; this time he seems determine but so was last time; "im not even sure i know how to do this anymore, i dont love you as much as you love me, and you are clearly on the losing end here"; "i dont care, i want you and i want to prove to you that i can do this"; then i thought i see a light in front of me glowing, i start to feel a little bit dizzy and i thought that's a sign to have a go on this again, to push the restart button once more; then i realise i just have to be brave, be strong and really just let go, get on the road to learn to love again...........

Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures

下一次放假我们去一趟吧？

第二十七次；

我就要计算不清了；

我不知道这些算不算是承诺；

还是你只是在敷衍我；

我一厢情愿地去再一次相信你；

受伤哭泣一切一切；

于人无由。

True repentance means making amends with the person when at all possible

其实我不知道你有没有认真地替我想过；可能你完全没有在乎过我； 看着窗外路上的车子奔驰而过；刚下过雨溅起的水花；感觉凉凉的；你的手在我的肩上； 想哭；很想很想哭；但是有用吗？过了今晚你就不是我的人了； 想起了这三十一年逝去了的青春原来就只不过是这样一回事；你在抽着烟；等你回过神来；在想什么；你对我这么好我却辜负你；别肉麻了；对自己好一些；这个不用你说；但是你从来没有做； 我从来没有告诉你的是； 我只懂得对你好； 我以为我不用说你会懂得； 而你却连这件事也不让我做；想着想着；三十一后的我后戏还多着呢！

Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will

she remembers reading from somewhere: "I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."; she can finally move on and get pass this episode of her life and everything seems to be easy; at that point; then she receives a text message:"how r u? come and have coffee with me."; she wickedly smiles and thinking of what type of coffee to order.

What a grand thing, to be loved! What a grander thing still, to love!

说话呀，怎么啦？还有什么好说的？ 你都决定了。把我的号码删掉了吗？嗯。不后悔？不！你的语气很坚决；因为我很坚决；从来没有看过你这样；还有很多我的事是你不知道的；枉费我认识了你这么久；你并没有想过要爱我也没有想过要和我变成知己所以很多事你觉得你不必知道但你自己其实也很矛盾；看来还是你明白我多一些；因为我爱你多一些所以现在如此坚决的我和你对我的恨比较起来会更多一些；这样可以让我离开你更容易一些；你就不能再给我一次机会对我宽容一些；我已经很久没有对自己好了；我决定要好好爱自己，让我从现在起。

Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves

其实我还忍得住；

其实我只是在假装有所谓；

其实我没有了感觉；

其实其实其实。

In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend

你永远就是那么的从容；你接听电话的时候我正驶过你的正门口；明明看见电视机的光在闪着而你在电话那头却对我说你已经睡着了；不用多话；我不想问为什么；这一个圣诞节我不想伤心了。

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much

现今的人都少了一份责任心；

只会一味去责怪别人；

就只不过是让步；

就只不过是认输；

我这人没什么能耐；

就是会委屈往心里埋；

但还是会不哼一声把事为你做妥；

不喜欢的甚少说出来；

何必呢？

浪费神浪费气浪费力；

多无谓呀；

时常想就算说了；

又如何呢又怎样呢；

别怪我；

我就是这样子。

在你心中；

我代表着什么呢；

我的地位呢；

这些反而是我在意的；

如果我和你什么关系都不是；

那么我们还这样干嘛呢？

It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one

就已经不知道从什么时候开始；有些人失去了主见；他们认为既然到后来还是必须要改变的倒不如我听你的；这样他们就不用想了。

The killing was the best part. It was the dying I couldn't take

不就是一直在重复一些无关痛痒毫无意义的话题而已吗？

有时候我真的只是想有人陪我静静坐着；

陪着我；

就这样而已。

Learn to see in another's calamity the ills which you should avoid

what do you think?

that's gonna take too much time;

what? you mean you wont do it?

no, i wont;

why not?

i told you that's gonna take too much time;

what time you have to lose?

i begin to feel sick of all this, you know?

Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first be overcome

i like you, you know that?

but what do i do when you like me is not enough;

what do i do?

i slip all the orange juice out of the glass with a straw until the glass dries out; your name keeps on appearing in my mind over and over again; Johnathan; i still have 5 cigarettes left inside my pack; but i don't feel like having one right now; i order a latte and continue sit at the cafe by the sidewalk; passerby passing by and im just pondering on everything is interesting until a point.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion

我穿好衣服；看着你；准备要离开了；我们没有说话；在电梯里一直沉默着；是有那么一点点贱的感觉；但我却宁愿这样。

你在抽着第三支烟；我对你特别留神；我知道你有话想要说；却在想着要怎样开口；“我知道你没有利用我的意思”； 就算你有我也不会在乎；“为什么你就是会怕我误会，我们都认识这样久了；还要在我面前装什么呢？”； 你和我约好了今晚见；如常在你家一起准备晚餐；你有的没的说你竟然想吃素；因为觉得那牛排突然间有尸体的味道；你并不是一个好人；这我早知道；所以你还要在我面前装什么呢？

It is not enough to do good; one must do it the right way

i like nail polish, BLACK.

Know how to ask. There is nothing more difficult for some people, nor for others, easier.

watched a movie too, last weekend;
Wong Kar Wai's latest:"My blueberry nights";
very simple love story;
some lines are great;
though some scenes were a bit contrive;
im not a hopeless romantic;
nonetheless, i believe people emerged from countless experience/failure to be a person capable to love;
funny how people always look around and stick with things that they're familiar with, e.g.: the usual cafe, the usual shop, etc;
and yet they get sick of routine.

Nothing is more highly to be prized than the value of each day.

im not 20 years old anymore, you know?;
are you trying to kill me?;
i actually find that a little bit sad;
i wish you are my age;
then we can be together longer;
at least.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities

很晚了；收到你的短讯；我讨厌拐弯抹角的人；你兜兜转转想要从我那儿得到你想要得到的答案；我说晚安；你着急了；其实你想见我；就是不直接说；我也在想你但却没有想过我们其实会再见；很不必要； 我要了罐啤酒；没有说话；原来你刚去了机场一趟；我没问是接机还是送机；没有意思；然后你接着说圣诞会在argentina度假；然后一月会去spain一个星期；我只是喝着啤酒吸着烟看着你；那么又如何呢？无言； 我无言。

In love, one and one are one

141209; 1544; 03m59s; 昨晚你没来得及与我分享你的周末过得如何；今天就收到了你的来电；诉说着你短短的行程；我还是没有对你说我的想念；我不敢问也不敢想知道你一个人的时候有没有想我；我害怕我会失望； 虽然我只能够自己傻傻地想你；在你盖上电话之前；听见你轻声说谢谢；原来你对我其实还是很客气的；你叫我如何不跟你保持距离呢？

We do what we must, and call it by the best names

还记得那是一个星期四夜晚；来到你公寓前；朋友说这里有一家日本餐厅不错；就去了；我们选的位子正对着你住的地方；我抬头向上望；17楼-11-a；没有灯；你可能外出或仍在公司；我没有多想；但其实却希望说我有可能就在这时候见到你；晚餐完毕；我抬头再望；17楼-11-a；依然没有灯。

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think

091209: 0956: 3m59s: 是你在想我吗？我听到你的声音；你在想我的声音；虽然你没有说出口；你半开玩笑说其实在等着我的回复；问我有没有收到你的电邮；我却当真了；回来之后你一直在忙；我知道你高兴地在忙碌着；告诉了你我计划好的回乡行程；我希望你会在我不在的时候想我更多；不要再跟我开玩笑了，好吗？

One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful

"but you are not just saying that, right?"; "why would i?"; "coz you always see thru me, see thru my insecurity"; "if i say this is because i mean it, i really do and there's nothing else to it, ok?"; i know at times i act like a child; a child that always ask why; always want reassurance; always feel uneasy inside; always shy and always fight to be who i want to really be; but with you; there's no struggle; no fight; only truth and the comfort that you bring is making me shiver; then there's tears in my eyes.

If we were not all so interested in ourselves, life would be so uninteresting that none of us would be able to endure it

Because gratification of a desire leads to the temporary stilling of the mind and the experience of the peaceful, joyful Self, it's no wonder that we get hooked on thinking that happiness comes from the satisfaction of desires. This is the meaning of the old adage, "Joy is not in things, it is in us."

- Joan Borysenko

I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear

Rois et reine (2004)

(Kings & Queen)

Director: Arnaud Desplechin

Epilogue

scene:

a visit to museum

Ismael: well...ive missed you, my little boy

kid: it's been a long time

Ismael: your mother has asked me to adopt you. do you know about that?

kid: yes

Ismael: ive thought about it and ive decided that it's not a good idea. i came here to tell you that. you're not speaking?

kid: im thinking of ideas

Ismael: you see, your mum and i were so much in love, that i ended up meeting you as well. how old were you? three? four?

kid: i forget

Ismael: since it was true love and you were tiny, i simple adored you and got along with you. as i told you once, one thing that im very proud of in my life is knowing you.

kid: is that true?

Ismael: yes, its true. that's how you and i became an "almost family". i never knew your dad but i think he was a great guy.

kid: really?

Ismael: he gave you a load of things: your name, your face...so you already have a father. ok, he's dead. that's sad. but it was before you were born and it's not easy to mourn a stranger. there's a german poem about a boy whose mother is dead. "your mother's soul lashes out at the sharks before you." that poem always reminds me of you coz i think your dad's soul protects you from sharks. so it wouldnt be a good idea for me to pretend to be your father now. your mother used to say you and i should be friends. but a grown-up and a child shouldn't be friends. i know that when i was little, i didnt like those grown-ups who'd try to charm me or try to establish complicity with me.

kid: what's complicity?

Ismael: complicity is being pals, it's sharing secrets. when i was little, i stole from stores a lot.

kid: you stole from stores?

Ismael: or we'd attack the girls at school. but i didnt want to attack girls or steal from stores with a grown-up. so, pretending to be your friend would be another lie. you shouldnt have to decide whether you like me or not. i dont care. im the grown-up. when i looked after you at times i'd annoy you but at others you'd adore me. i carry you in my heart now, even if you turn into a total bastard or i dont see you for 1279 years. i have to think about you because i enjoy doing it. as a child, you dont have to think about grown-ups or about me. unless you need to.

you see, the past isnt what has vanished. no, it's what belongs to us.

kid: i dont understand

Ismael: what belongs to us now are the memories we both have. it's weird, isnt it? because there's no name for what we share. i looked after you for seven years. a long time. but it's over. ill tell you what bothers me. firstly, you're a introverted little boy. secretive, say. but that's not failing, it's a quality. as a boy, i couldnt manage to speak so i used to stammer.

kid: is that true?

Ismael: yes, it is. as for you, you're just a little reserved. in return, life has given you a rich soul. that way, when you feel lonely, you can retreat to you inner garden to chat with your imagination. i remember your poems in primary school and you're a true poet. but i can imagine it's not always pleasant for you. a secret treasure is a good thing but it musnt become a burden. if it does, i see you locked up on your thoughts, that hurts me and i want to free you. and i wonder what fear or anger makes you flee the world.

lastly...

Ismael: this is the only advice i have for now: of coz we're always right. but it's always possible that we could be a bit wrong too. being a bit wrong is a very good news! it means you dont have the whole answer. that life will be more exciting and full of surprises that you thought.

What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day

读着你的信；你把我弄哭了；感动呐；认识你多久了；知道你的为人的；你总是有你的一套说法；我是应该高兴的；我是应该笑的；但你却把我弄哭了；i dont think i've ever been depress before; im a happy person; even if im sad; i guess i will just write; i'll feel better that way; even what i write down are all just little silly things; things that doesnt even mean much when i read it back; but during that times and that exact moment; it just feels like the very right thing to do and usually i am right.

It's noble to want to confess, but if the results are just damage and pain, that's not noble. It's selfish

day 1:

slight annoyance; people around; not as friendly as expected to be; taking it slow; wandering round town; exploring small wonders; streets; decision; decision; decision; respecting each other; made the right choice; ended up in cosy place; passing cars; crossing streets; holding hands.

day 2: small tour; speaking of cliche; non stop ranting; trying to annoy you even more so; 50 cents beer; conversations weaved in every meal with a twist; random chat on world-photography-women-men-life; just nothing about love-me-and-you; nothing.

day 3: village that floats; boredom creeping in; trip that did not worth much while; cute view along country side; keeping positive thought no less.

day 4: big tour; small details on the other hand we would've missed; been talked about; hot sun; tanned skin; marks.

day 5: remote tour; quiet day; coffee black and white; baguette butter and jem; chill cold breeze; following around every step of the way; secretly looking around; making sure you are never too far away; closely keeping an eye; on everything that you do.

day 6: coming to an end; no sadness in parting; you glad i insisted on this in my own silly way; im glad i insisted we parted our own way; only looking forward to a new trip; again; with you; if only you would have me; again; like this; all over again.

Abundance is, in large part, an attitude

and we've made it back;

and i decided to write about it;

and it feels kinda like extract and concentrate this whole thing of knowing you for 3 years into 6 days 5 nights;

and i like it;

and so now let see what would i write about.

i dont whine; i dont rant; i dont complain; i dont yell; i dont shout; i dont scream;

that doesnt make me a loser.

Frequency of a tragedy does not diminish the wound when it is your own

it's that time again;

to look out;

and start fresh;

after this;

i promise myself;

for the 3723946132894760394868364 time.